Autistic boy -- Anybody have experience with DIsability? And rotten other parent?
It just dawned on me this morning that when autistic stepson turns 18 A) he will have the choice of what to do with his life or 
his mother, losing child support, will go like a barracuda after guardianship in order to get his Disability.
It has always been our intention to have SS self-sufficient by adulthood, working as much as he can, living independently or in an assisted semi-independent situation. But this morning the horrible realization glowed radioactive in my mind that we may not achieve these goals because of the 2 above ideas.
In Option A) he will fall heavily under his mother's influence because it's the "place of NO READING." (check my blog for that story). He will turn over any monies due him to her. He will rot away and turn fully into a mollusk.
In Option his mother will have actual control over him shortcutting his transmogrification until a mollusk. She will hang on to that SSDI check for her life and likely turn that check over to stepdaughter when our generation passes. At that poing Stepdaughter won't even see to it that SS has food or shelter but she will beat him up and yell at him when life stresses her out.
So....anybody know the drill on how to ensure that DH gets guardianship? Or some third party gets it? Anyway to forestall this young man having total freedom in which case he falls into the black hole of BM?
When should we apply for Disability for him? Now? He's 13. Or when he turns 18? Can dad apply without mom's participation? Can she without his? Anyway to cut her out of the equation but still get the boy independent?
I feel very depressed this morning about this. (also putting up a blog today about why suddenly this morning)
Wow. So many typos above.
Wow. So many typos above. Have never figured out how to edit a forum post. Anyone wants to school me in it, I will fix them.
Good clues, thanks. Also a
Good clues, thanks. Also a good picture of what the future could be. It's what we envisioned. Until this morning when we realized we'd still have to deal with her and the chances she could ruin it all seemed 100% percent because there'd be money she could get her hands on either way.
I'm assuming you're in the
I'm assuming you're in the U.S. Does he have a support worker or belong to any groups? If so start there asking for legal recourses. Document any issues and concerns with BM and SD. It's wonderful that you and DH are working with him to axhieve independence.
Oh, that's a good tip!
Oh, that's a good tip! Thanks! I will get DH on this right away. He documented the Ringworm Debacle quite well and we've got many other things. He does not have a designated support person that we know of. That does seem like an excellent step to pursue. Thank you!
I'm assuming you're in the
I'm assuming you're in the U.S. Does he have a support worker or belong to any groups? If so start there asking for legal recourses. Document any issues and concerns with BM and SD. It's wonderful that you and DH are working with him to axhieve independence.
Yes, U.S.
Yes, U.S.
As things are today, yes, he
As things are today, yes, he would need guardianship. He cannot care for himself. We feel with more work on our parts he may very well reach some level of independence. But it is so difficult with BM throwing obstacles all the time.
Yes, I very much believe she will sabotage him as an adult in order to get the money. It makes me sick to think of him living like that when he could do so much better.
Maybe if we sign him up for a job we have in mind at a grocery store that has an adaptive program for teens and he succeeds at that and DON'T sign him up for Disability now then that will help make the case that after 18 he will NOT qualify for it? What do you think of that? Then she will have not incentive to hang on to him, if there's no check attached to him. Except if he works a real job she can easily convince him to turn his paycheck over to her if he has no guardian. Rock/hard place!
That's interesting.
That's interesting. Personally I'd rather it be the state than her. But if there was an option for some other third party, a private party, like a non-profit or a designated social worker type, that seems preferable to me.
I would also be happy to will him my own personal estate but only if he is utterly protected from the vultures.
Wow - we're having similar
Wow - we're having similar worries about SS14. BM is on disability herself with no intention of getting off. We have full custody but BM has recently started asking for weekend visits for the first time ever in the 5 years since the divorce. We think she's going to make a play to get him on disability and have him live with her. She just lets him sit on the computer when she has him for the weekends so there is zero work with social skills etc.
One of the things we're doing is having a lot of talks about the different standards of living between disability and working. DH and I are both professionals and point out how we can afford to go cool places like Disney World because we work. SS is not too keen on the idea of working but we keep talking about the advantages.
Our next step is to get him enrolled in a program we have in our area where he can meet other people on the spectrum and participate in some job training and social activities. My hope is that our discussions and these activities will help sway him from a life of sitting on a computer all day to one where he feels a sense of purpose.
I don't have answers to your guardianship questions but thought I would share what we're doing to ward off BM's plans!!
Thank you, these are good
Thank you, these are good ideas, cwcc.
He is 15 now and I have been having him do yardwork for me at my house (not the one we live in) for money. I am also having him spend his own money for things when I can and when he runs out of money, too sad. The idea is to make sure he WANTS money.
So far he has turned into a good little worker for me. He is proud of himself when he gets that ten bucks, I make quite a ceremony of it.
It's getting very close to the time when he'd be eligible to work a real job. I hope he'll be ready.
I love the idea of talking to him about what a great life he can have with a real salary instead of something else. I will start doing that right away! Thanks!
Some of our legal pros may be
Some of our legal pros may be able to answer this more accurately but I would suggest that you have DH petition the courts that a GAL be assigned to SS to protect his interests from his toxic womb donor.
That way if DH is not successful getting guardianship at least there will be a GAL to mitigate the toxic womb donors influences.