I go to sports, school plays and such activities. What I do not go to are Back to School nights, parent teacher conference, doctor appts, therapy sessions. These are parental responsibilities. I am NOT their parent, they do not live with me, their mother is involved, so no need to for to step in where I do not belong.

That being said if you want to attend their sports and such and THEY want you to attend, then you should and you SO should support that. BM doesn't want you there because she probably like the illusion that her and your SO are still a family. Your SO needs to step up and let BM know YOU are a part of his life and the kids life.

Edit to add
Your presence will make her more uncomfortable, then hers should make you!

Depends. School concerts, go. School room mother, nope. School parent/teacher conference? Have Dad schedule separately than Mom.

Large school activities (events like open house, Christmas program, for example, Dad and Mom shouldn't be attending together. Shouldn't be a problem if you attend as there should be very little, if any, contact/ face to face.

BM doesn't "have" to accept you. However, she can't expect Dad and her to attend and do these events as a couple together. There lies the answer. The parents have no choice than to participate and attend these functions as independent individuals who happen to share the same children.

I've attended sport events with a parent many times. But as a friend not a date. Not my favorite activity TBH, but I've accompanied friends when asked on occasion.

OP has met the children. She's not a stranger. BM doesn't get a vote - anymore than any other parent would have a right to object to your being there. (unless you have some horrible crime in your past).

If it is a school event for parents, like a teacher-parent conference, I would not go.

If it is an event that anybody can attend, like a sporting event, I would go if I wanted to.

But if your partner doesn't even want you to go, I guess you need to decide how bad you really want to attend. And if not now, when will it be okay? How long does BM get to determine what you do and where you go?

In neither circumstance, does your partner need to attend "with" BM.

I have experienced this exact irrational situation in the past except I was newly married to SK's dad. BM would make a scene which embarrassed my DH and was very uncomfortable for the kids. While we were dating, I did not attend events. Once married I insisted on it.

First, I would not continue as his shack up girlfriend- especially with kids involved. Make a commitment to each other as soon as possible. Be the best example you can be to SKs.

Second, I would (and did) attend ALL SK's functions and eventually it did get better (but it was stressful for all for awhile.) Just remember that you aren't the one causing the drama. BM needs to move on and grow up.

Blessings to all of you!

You can do what you want, and go where you want UNTIL there is a Protection Order placed on a citizen here in the U.S.

Ask yourself, Do I want to go because I am interested in what the child is doing? OR are you going because you want to prove you are the partner?

We are old enough to know the difference.

Couple areas I would not go. School conferences, Mothers Day/Fathers Day events. Everything else is ok.

Go if you want, don't go if you don't want to. Sometimes the best power is being the phantom partner. KWM?

Best wishes

I go to things if one of the SDs asks me, or DH asks me AND I want to go.

I went to several of SD10's school meetings last year because the teacher was just a PITA and DH didn't like her so I served as kind of a mediator - plus SD10 would as ME to help her with her homework; not BM, not DH but me so I was the only one who knew what was going on.
And I was ok with that.

I haven't attended any school things for a long time now - although SD12 just indicated to us recently she'd think it was cool if DH and I act as monitors/escorts for a middle school dance. Maybe, depending on time.

If you all have been together for a year and your boyfriend does not want u going to kids events that's says a lot. He is not that invested In Your relationship and he cares more about what his ex wants than what u want. Major major major red flag my dear. U may never be placed above this ex. Do not ignore the red flags. They will come back to haunt u. I know from experience. Good luck!

oh dear - HOn if BM does not want you there, but she knows about you, just laugh, she's not the boss of you and she can't tell you what to do...

The problem here is your BF - he agrees with BM cause he does not want to have drama - I will end it, seriously, you've been dating for a year and yet he jumps and thinks of BM before he thinks of you? Oh Hell just NO...

Next even you simply tell BF, you are joining them over and done with, BM can do what ever she wants, and if he's funny towards you in any way kick his ass and move on... this is a good opportunity to see how your future with this spineless creature will be...maybe he will show his spine and tell BM to eff off, she can't tell him what to do... then you hold on to him, and maybe he starts thinking of excuses why you can't come - then you drop him like ball

I would go were I you.