You are here

Need advice to protect SD from crazy BM!

Fatbear14's picture

Submitted by Fatbear14 on Thu, 12/08/2016 - 1:39pm

Forums: 
Mentally Unfit Biological Parents

Background - BM has 2 kids, one is now my SD, other has a different dad. BM favors the older child over my SD because she has more access, but she has custody of neither and routinely lets the older child down with plans and dismissive attitude.

BM lies to get out of child support, has narrowly avoided charges on a seroes of violent behaviors, and sees SD very little. Very infrequently for a while, then when I tried to help she came for 4 hours or so a week. Now that she lied and blamed me and husband for not being allowed to see SD, i no longer help her ane she comes maybe an hour a week.

Big concern is, SD is too little to understand that I am not her "real" mom. I've been her reliable mom since she was 6 months old, and she will be 3 in a very short time. BM is trying to overrule me AND hubby as much as she can, but isn't actually doing anything substantial for SD financially or emotionally.

I am so very worried that as SD gets older and BM continues the pattern of trying to act like the better mom and then retreating back into her childless lifestyle when she doesnt feel like being a mother, my SD will suffer for it. Furthermore the stack of police reports as tall as my hand including assault and drug/alcohol abuse leads me to worry about SD being under a dangerous influence.

Is there ANYTHING I can do to protect SD? She is no different in my heart than a bio child, and I have a firm place in our home as her parent.

Steprose's picture

Submitted by Steprose on Thu, 12/08/2016 - 7:47pm

It's so true iv been a stepmother for 13 years. Iv done the fun the hard the responsible stuff and in the end I'm nothing but dirt. Save a heart ache and think of it as a job. Don't get attached and count down the days!!!!

--figureditout--'s picture

Submitted by --figureditout-- on Thu, 12/08/2016 - 7:07pm

I have to agree with Cocktail.

I was part of my stepdaughter's life from the time she was 4 until she turned 18. DH got primary physical custody when SD was 5. She was raised along with our bio boys. When she hit 18, I got her mom to pull her head out of her a$$. SD ran off with her and believed all of the lies the hag told her, even though she was given ALL of the documentation upon her 18th birthday.

I never dreamed that a child I raised (her mother was nowhere to be found) would turn on me and DH and tell the kind of lies she has.

I hope that your story turns out differently, but based on my experience, it can and will get very ugly.