For Those Who Were Stepparents Before Bio Parents...

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I'm not sure if this is totally irrational or not, but I have this awful fear that my future bio child will call me by my first name because SD5 does. For anyone who was a stepparent before they were a bio parent, does this happen? My SD lives with us full-time and I am so looking forward to having my own child who calls me mom, so I guess I'm just terrified any child I have in the future will automatically hear what SD calls me and call me my first name!

Let me know your experience with this and if I'm just being worried over nothing

Thanks!

I've dealt with this. I was

I've dealt with this. I was called by my first name by my SD early on (I was in her life from age 4 on, and then had my own first baby when she was 6.5 yrs old, and my second baby when she was 8.) When my first child was born, my DH decided SD should probably have a special name for me that wasn't my first name. So together they came up with this weird Mama-Step abbreviation type thing. (I'll spare you specifics) and since then that's what she has called me. Maybe it's sweet, but I'm not really sure. I think it's because as a stepmom I'm a driver, cook, and a maid who gets no real respect or love from the stepkid- and this name kind of symbolizes my loss of identity as whole person with autonomy and authority. I'd actually rather she continue to call me by my first name.

And I had a strange interaction one day awhile ago with my SD (now 9) - mind you, she is VERY close with her own Mommy. They speak daily. She thinks her mom is the best. Fine. She was sitting at the dinner table with me and DD in her high chair, and my husband was upstairs with our baby boy. For some reason it suddenly occurred to her to ask "I wonder what DD will call you someday? Like, will she call you Mom? Or will she call you what I call you (stepmom bs name)?" And it hit a nerve.
I retorted quickly, "of course she will call me Mom, because that's what I am to her." She stopped talking then and I kind of looked her like ???
It struck me as an awful thing for her to ask, but I think kids just don't realize, because they are inherently so self-centered, that we exist as people outside of their relationships with us. Not really her fault or a malicious question, but another small jab at my heart in the thankless land of step-parenting.

For the record, my 2 yr old calls me Mommy. My 1 yr old son started saying Mama at 7 months. No weird made-up names or first name bs. Just the way it should be. It will be that way for you too. (:

I was a stepmom first. SS has

I was a stepmom first. SS has always called me by a nickname a little girl I used to nanny called me. He's five now but he's constantly saying things like "one day, when BS1 gets big enough, he'll get to call you Max too." And I know he catches me with a crazy look on my face because I still don't know why he doesn't get it. We've had the conversation a dozen times

ME: SS, you call BM "mom" because?
SS: because I came out her belly
ME: correct, so BS1 is going to call me mom because he came out of my belly

And Repeat at least once every few weeks
BS1 calls me "mommy" which I prefer "mom" or "mama" but it's no big deal.

Now I will say SS doesn't call me mom when he's talking to me, the only time he's done that, I quickly corrected him' however, when i visit him at school her refers to me as his mom to his friends and teachers. When he's talking to BS1 he refers to me as "mom" as well. I've also noticed, as has BM, that SS sometimes refers to her by her nickname she gave to her ex-stepdaughter. We refer to her as that in our house sometimes but it's random when SS does it, I find it weird and BM gets worked up about it but we know SS knows who his mom is so we don't interrogate him about it.

Thank you everyone!! I know

Thank you everyone!! I know it's probably the silliest question, but this is easing my mind a bit

My dad was a stepfather to my

My dad was a stepfather to my older brother who called him Wayne. So I called him Wayne for years. Nobody ever corrected me when I was young. When i was older, calling him dad felt awkward to me. I called him Wayne all his life.

I guess I just correct them

I guess I just correct them if it happens. The unfortunate thing is we'll be trying to raise all kids with us being mom and dad because BM is fairly absent. I just hope it doesn't create a divide in the family.

I understand that kids will

I understand that kids will always hear others refer to their parents by their first name but in this situation it's another child that lives with us all the time and in basically a mother to this child. How will my kid know to call me mom if I'm doing the same motherly things towards her sibling who calls me my first name? Maybe it's an irrational fear but it already hurts doing everything for one kid and not getting the recognition of "mom" I don't think I could handle it with my own bio kid.

No fear, your Bio will call

No fear, your Bio will call you Mom. I was a SM first and my BS never even considered calling me by my first name.
He understood that SD had a "different mommy" then he did even though she lived with us.
Kids catch on fast if you are open and honest with them.

No, my bios never called me

No, my bios never called me anything else. However, I have a funny story to add on this. My step granddaughters heard by bios calling my husband and me "dad" and "mom," and they started calling us that!! lol! My SS and his wife, who are "daddy" and "mommy," thought it was hilarious. Now they've straightened it out and to the SKs, I'm "grandMOM" and my DH is "grandDAD."

sunshine - let me share a bit

sunshine - let me share a bit with you.....

When my bio was very small he called me mummy... age 3 he decided I'm from now on Aunty, then a year later I was mummy again.... there was no other children involved just the 2 off us, I told him every time I'm not aunty I'm mummy...stubborn little shit refused calling me mum...

Now the funny thing... Deigma was born when my hair was pitch black, I colored it for 2 years and then decided nope not anymore, I went blond.... this was when he started calling me Aunty... year later I decided to go dark again and as I walked out of the bathroom with my dark hair again, Deigma screamed like a little pig... Mummy mummy.....and he gave me a sloppy wet kiss....

Poor kid thought his mother left him for a year with a strange woman......

I am mama to my bio kids. I

I am mama to my bio kids. I am firstname to sd. Never been an issue.

One of my twins does not speak and honestly at this point whatever he called me would have me in tears of happy. Lol. He said what sounded like shit once but could have been sit and i celebrated him with claps and attaboys.

My first comment left for

My first comment left for someone else.

I am a step-mum fulltime and was for 5 years before my daughter was born. The bond between you and your bio kid is so strong there is no doubt ever that you are Mum. I don't even remember when it happened, Dada did come first but the moment that little girl called me Mum it hit home. I have a bond with this child that is just breathtaking and now I have all the pleasures (and struggles) of being MUMMY. The one and only Mummy. Of course as a toddler when her half sister (my SD) shouts my name the little parrot shouts it too... and I just say "Silly baby girl, I am MUMMY to you!" and she giggles back at me.

My DD2 sometimes calls me by

My DD2 sometimes calls me by my first name for a day or two after a skid visit, but it's actually kind of cute and funny. I laugh and say "I'm MOM, silly!" so she does too. Kids will experiment with imitating each other to varying degree, you just steer them the way you want them to go.