How old are the kids? Are you planning to post this list somewhere? How do plan to enforce the rules?

I took a parenting class and they suggested posting a list of house rules. That was the only thing in the class I didn't agree with. I didn't think it was effective to post a list of rules. I have DD6 and sociopath10, who lives with us full time.

We have one house rules RESPECT. I try to teach both of them first and foremost they have to respect themselves. And all that self respect encompasses. Then they have to respect me and DH, our house, their teacher etc.

Kids will break rules, they will talk back, not listen and lie about doing their homework. I try to get them to understand how they are disrespecting their selves when they do those things. That it will ultimately hurt them in the long run.

I also let them know you have to give respect to get respect. If you disrespect me, my house, or your teacher there will be consequences.

Rule #1 ~ Custodial parents must be fully involved in raising their children. Dumping your responsibilities in SM's lap is not an option.

Rule #2 ~ If you refuse to follow rule #1, then you must hireva nanny or ask your mother to resume her role as the child's primary care giver.

Watch 'SUPER NANNY' for additional info. Shows usually can be found on BRAVO Channel if you have it. In the mean time

You have to decide with DH what rules are absolutely none negotiable . Those rules become that house standard.

Super Nanny posts them in a common area where everyone can see and remind. NO money is given or rewards for this list. FYI

A few examples might be for younger children.

No running in the house
No playing ball in the house
No jumping on the furniture
Put all dirty clothing in your hamper
Make your bed before school every day.
Clean up toys before 630pm

**most rules are for safety inside the house**if you noticed.

If dh's kidos are totally out of control in your home, you may want to ask the teachers IF this is roll over into the class room. Just something to be mindful of, ok?

Just a few to consider. Adjust them to be age appropriate for the kids in the home.

• Treat the home and others who live there with respect.
• Phone calls to be ended by 9:30 PM on school nights, 10:30 on other nights.
• Bath & bedroom to be maintained by 10:00 AM on non-school days, 7:30 AM on school days.
• Attend all of your scheduled classes at school daily.
• Homework completed daily by 8:00 PM and before any activities. ( T.V., computer, smart phone, play time, etc.)
• Unless otherwise decided by the household adults all family members will participate in dinner every evening eating what is served without complaint.
• No drugs, pills, drug paraphernalia, tobacco or alcohol.
• Lights out and in bed by 10:00 PM on school nights. (Or other age appropriate time selected by household adults)
• Clean up after yourself before leaving that room. Any room including the kitchen, etc….
• Do chores daily, on time, as posted.
• Curfew on weekends & holidays is 11:00 PM.
• No friends in house unless a parent is present and provides prior approval.
• Obtain permission before leaving the house.
• Do not use anyone else's property without permission.
• Do as you are told by adults in the home when you are told.
• Adults interpret the rules. Argument will not be tolerated.

What were your parents 'rules' for you growing up as a child? With the kid being eight and believing you and your 'rules' can jump in the river, I doubt posting the rules won't be any more effective than telling her what they are. Which is, so far, 'screw you, SM'.

What you need to do is focus on your current trouble areas, Sit down with Dad (minus SD and outside of listening distance) and talk about what your problem areas are. Come up with solutions to these areas that both you and Dad can agree on. Consequences you both can agree on. Then as a team you both sit down with SD and Dad presents the household expectations. What the 'penalty' will be if expectations are being met. First and foremost , this particular father needs to tell this child she must respect SM and do what SM says while Dad is gone....just like she would do and act for Dad if he spoke and/or told her if he ere present.

You mentioned briefly, that mornings are a rough time. You didn't elaborate. Figure out those times, what's not working and what needs to instead be happening. If it's a matter of her slow poking along, refusing to go get dressed and gather up her school needs therefore causing you both to be late for school/work, ok. Dad and you brain together to come up with an acceptable morning plan. What role in the plan are SD expectation and responsibility?

Once Dad and you come up with the plan, move on to homework plan and so far. Finally present to kid and implement plan. Don't forget to discuss, agree on and be ready to implement the consequence phase when/if SD fails your role.

I haven't had a super long time being with someone who had children before me and I don't know your story exactly but I agree with what others say here. Your partner HAS to be on board with you. They are his children first and for most and you only have as much ground as he gives you. I remember the first time I was ever faced with needing to discipline. I was watching the kids for just a moment while dad ran inside. 3 year old at the time wasn’t sharing the phone (used to watch movies) and was spitting at sister. Dad’s normal discipline was to take the phone but I didn’t know if that was ok. We had a very direct talk that night. He leads, sets the rules and I support him. If I discover any sort of issue we talk but if he’s not willing to back it I can’t do it alone. We keep things simple. Kids know they have to listen to both of us. If I say no, dad says no. We are a team with him leading. The kids are now 7 and 4. Rules are simple in our home.
No hitting, biting, pushing (whatever).
If it’s not yours ask before you take.
Don’t chase the animals.
Don’t run and jump in the house. (Second floor apartment)
Don’t go in roommates room. (He’s leaving in a month)
Sure from time to time we have to tell them something else but keep it simple don’t try to cover EVERYTHING. If you do they will find ways around it. Like don’t play in the kitchen when one of us is cooking. We don’t need to write. We just tell them out when we need to.
I don’t EVER physically discipline the children. For the most part we handle all issues with “honest apologies” (what did you do, how did it effect other, apologize, with eye contact), time out, or loss of electronic being used. I will say that being able to physical move a kid to the corner or take away the electronic really helps. First time I put 4 year old in the corner I picked him up and put him there (he tried hiding in a blanket telling me no). Dad didn't have to come in the room but he was ready.
Big thing is he and I are a team. If I ask for his support he steps in and does it so really I’m not doing anything new. Otherwise you end up with the kids playing you against each other or getting burned out.