Some women just want to win. They just want someone else to tell their Ex that they are better than them. I don't think your DH/SO/BF/whatever should settle for Every-Other-Weekend and half holidays. To me, that's a cop out and takes away his right to complain that BM is unfit when he isn't even TRYING. He should go for 50/50, offer transportation and take child support off the table. Depending on the state and how good of a lawyer he has, he could pose a threat and actually get awarded as much. If there's a chance he should take it, if there's a chance and BM's lawyer is smart enough to see it then she will be willing to settle with 50/50 with child support. Most judges lean towards 50/50 these days.

Keep all corespondance, stop giving her any money, put CS money + a bit more away and hopefully she'll see the light and get a move on going to court.

My divorce took forever and I didn't get CS for three years. Nothing I did or him really. We had a lot of things to wade through. Although CS was a problem, the only way I could have dealt with it at that time was to have him thrown in jail and I didn't want to do that.

Temporary court orders are very quick and usually cover temporary visitation/child support/household maintenance. Broad strokes with few details and no sense of "fairness." File for temporary orders: typically granted in a few days, a week or 10 days, to my knowledge. (Even clogged courts acknowledge that families need to be fed and housed.)

EDIT to add: Only aware of a few state's requirements, but in my understanding, no lawyer is required.

Despite your later explanation of the attorney's perception/interpretation of the situation: BF owes daily/weekly/monthly child support. If a state calculator is used to figure it out, his situation will be straight-forward. Document with email and a paper trail. The monies sent by drips-and-drabs without acknowledgment can be called a gift, so use a specific format such as: "Hey, Sherry. Used the State of Colorado's child support calculator to get a ballpark idea, so here is check #2015 in the amount of $1200 for child support for the month of May 2017."

BTW: there is no true standard visitation for NCP since the courts are evolving constantly in the area of family law. Spell it out: every other week at our house while you & BF handle trips to school/activities or Thurs-Sat/Sun-Weds rotations or ... Anyway that you look at it, BF will need to modify his job, get childcare, pay for UBER or move closer to handle school issues.

An hour commute for kids/adults is not outlandish when the goal is to maintain continuity for the children. Folks make it work all the time. Rural folk think nothing of a 25 mile one-way drive to school. Who moved away and can BF move closer to the school? It may be more inconvenient for him but better for his future as an involved father.

Difficult work schedules are handled all the time. For instance, cops and nurses manage to get kids to school, work shift-work that changes all the time and still pay their bills. (Naming professions which can switch from days, to swing, to graveyard). Military households have their own challenges, but there is usually a way to make things work ... IF THE PARENT WANTS IT TO HAPPEN.

BF's wife can drag the situation out as long as BF is willing. Lots of married folk separate/reconnect/re-separate ... then, start divorce/stop divorce proceedings. "Fully separated" isn't much of a thing --- they can be separated in different households for 5 years and still 'feel' married to each other. Not matter what lip service they give to their current side-pieces, it doesn't rate much. BF and his wife don't sound "that done" with each other emotionally. Too much passion and I'll bet a dime BF speaks to her differently than he relays to you in order to "keep the peace." BF will place all the blame on his wife, but that's likely a smokescreen on his part.

Likely they need to be divorced, but emotions aren't black-and-white. It sounds as if there is still a typical emotional tug-of-war between BF and his wife.

Your response to Echo with your "ATTACK-VICTIM" comments made me snort some decent Cabernet up into my nose. Painful. FFS.

" till the joint assets are split and the set amount is agreed.... " -- OP

OMG, your BF's attorney is a freakin' ass if that is his advice.

The children will have shriveled away from malnutrition, blown away by a cold winter's wind at this rate. By your representation, the children have been free from any support from BF since before you hooked up with him. Poor kids. Hope CPS takes them and bills both parents.

BF's attorney is apparently willing to sanction child abuse since he is advising his client to NOT FEED, to NOT HOUSE, to NOT CLOTHE his client's children. Bullsh*t.

There are formulas and computer spreadsheets which identify each parent's contribution to the support of a minor child. Pro-rated, of course. What you have been posting so far smacks of "urban legend," "he-said," "my-sister's-hair-dresser-who-got-a-divorce-said." In other words, the more that you have clarified your situation, the more outlandish it sounds.

My understanding is that either of them can take it to court anytime they want to. If she won't negotiate... why wait?

Make sure he is paying her child support with a check and it says CHILD SUPPORT on it. My DH got screwed because he was paying his ex CASH Child Support and she took him BACK to court AFTER the divorce was over ~ for BACK child support and she lied about it.. saying he never paid her anything. Since it was cash and he trusted her... (BIG MISTAKE THAT WAS! SHE BROKE YOUR VOWS SLEPT WITH HALF THE TOWN INCLUDING YOUR BEST FRIEND ~ BUT YOU TRUST HER NOW? HA ~ LOOK WHERE THAT GOT YOU!) Court ruled in her favor since there was no proof of payment.

It will last for as long as your BOYFRIENDS ex wants it to.

1 year 10 years maybe 20 years. OR when one of them passes away.

That is the darn truth. Even in death it may not end.

If I dated a 'boyfriend' who had proof his ex was UNFIT as a parent and yet didnt pull out everything to protect the child

HE would be an ex.

Best of luck to you Ma'am.

I just feel the need to comment here. I apologize if I missed something because I only skimmed most of the thread due to its length. However, in response to OP's comments that 50/50 cannot be won, or 50/50 is not feasible or doable, or 50/50 is not preferred due to conflict----

I live in Florida. Florida is a preferred 50/50 state so your experience may vary but check with your attorney. My boyfriends ex threw him out (her parents house) and only allowed him to see the child for one hour every two weeks. He went along with this for a while, paying her child support based on estimate of what he believed he would owe. He paid some via personal check, and some via account transfers through his bank. He moved 50 miles away from her because that's where his job was and where I was and she lived out in the middle of nowhere. A year passed like this. He didn't like it but didn't feel there was anything he could do about it. Plus they weren't married, so legally he didn't even rights to the kid. (Your boyfriend does)

When she found out he was dating me she stopped letting him see the child completely and asked him to sign over his rights.

So my boyfriend filed against her. During the course of this his ex first denied paternity to delay him seeing the child, and when that didn't work she made multiple false allegations ranging from domestic violence to child abuse. We did file for a temporary hearing during which his lawyer asked for 50/50. After the temporary hearing my boyfriend ended up with supervised visitation only due to her lying and alleging that she ended the relationship for her and the child's safety due to severe abuse. (She left because she was cheating.)During the course of this he didn't see his son at all for 5 months, (because she wouldn't allow it) so she then used this to also claim he abandoned the child and needed his rights involuntarily terminated. In other words she tried everything.

My boyfriend did the opposite of what your boyfriend did and decided he wanted full custody because if she was a good mother, she wouldn't be acting like this. By the way his attorney also said that check stubs labeled "child support" should be good enough to prevent the money from being determined to be a gift.

So here's what you need to know- Standard visitation, I don't know what it is by you, (worst case is EOW) but in florida its 4 days every other week, is the MINIMUM your boyfriend should receive unless he is an unfit parent no matter what his ex wants. So don't be afraid of trial. He will most likely get more than he's willing to take in mediation, and he won't get less. In order for him to receive less than that, the absolute best she can do is ask for supervised visitation only. This would only be granted if your boyfriend has a criminal record, is on drugs, or she has some kind of proof that he has physically abused her or the child. Even if he somehow did got supervised visitation, after a drug program anger management program etc, he would still eventually get EOW.

It doesn't matter that she threw him out of the house because while the "status quo" (where the child is currently living) does matter, status quo is not officially set in stone until there are some kind of temporary or permanent orders in place. The fact that my boyfriend had barely seen his son in the last year did not hurt his case.

Also, they live 50 miles apart, so you would say that 50/50 is not doable. This case did go to trial, (and despite the fact that the judge actually refused to hear the case) the final order was for 50/50. The child was to attend school in the mothers school district, so the schedule was broken out as follows- The father has 3 weekends a month, from Friday night until Monday morning. The father has every spring and Christmas break. The father has the entire summer break, save for one week the mother gets. The father has alternating holiday weekends. This broke out to him having 46% of the overnights. So 50/50 is perfectly doable. One parent has them for school, and the other has the children the rest of the time. Also a clause was inserted by the judge stating that should the father ever live in the county as the mother, the schedule will change to week on week off.

You also made the argument that 50/50 would not be good because she is high conflict. Let me just point out to you that the parent who has the majority of the time with the child has the majority of the control. If she is as high conflict as you say, its likely that she will eventually turn the child against you and your boyfriend and the child will not want to come see him on his weekend or will act like a monster the entire time because that's what his mother has trained him to do. If instead of having EOW, your boyfriend had the child half the time, you would be much better equipped to defend yourselves from or even retaliate against any nonsense the children's mother may attempt to indoctrinate them with. Its extremely easy to turn a child against a parent they barely ever see. The word of the parent the child knows better is practically the word of g-d.

If your boyfriend had any sense he would fight for the 50% that is his right. He should fight because
there's no reason he cant win, and he won't be any worse off for trying especially if this is going to trial anyway
50/50 is doable within 60 miles or so, it just means one parent has the kid for school and the other has the rest of the time
and 50/50 is his best and possibly only chance to maintain a fulfilling relationship with his children in the event of a high conflict ex who wishes to eliminate the father from the kid's lives, which it appears he has.

And if he loses he should be happy that he got what he initially wanted anyway. And if im wrong and 50/50 is too undoable, or the ex is too crazy, or whatever, he can also just stop seeing the kids save for EOW and eventually he or his ex can file to have that set as the new arrangement based on status quo, (what they are currently doing.)You can step down to an EOW arrangement later, but you wont be able to step up to a 50/50 arrangement.