Bio-Mom feels like she needs to share everything and anything Stepkids do with my DH.
Bio-Mom feels like she needs to share everything and anything Stepkids do with my DH. She contacts him to ask STUPID questions about them and judgement calls. Like she can't function without his input like they are still married.
Examples ~ ALL FROM THIS WEEKEND:
She took the kids to the park on Saturday. Sent videos of the kids riding their bikes to my husband. Called him because she was so proud they rode their bikes all the way to the park ~ which isn't that far from their house and she just had to tell DH. Sunday ~ She took them to the roller skating rink and sent DH videos of them at the roller rink.
Contacted him asking if it was ok if Step Son bought throwing star from the flea market. Contacted him to ask if he thought this video game was appropriate for Step Son. Contacted him to ask if he thought it was ok if step son rode his bike on a busy street. Answer was No. DUH LADY!
It annoys me... It's the contact AND it's kind of rubbing it in my husbands face... "OH, LOOK WHAT FUN STUFF YOUR FAMILY IS DOING WITHOUT YOU ~ AND DOING WITH YOUR OLD BEST FRIEND (WHO HIS EX WIFE CHEATED ON HIM WITH) "
I don't understand why she not make decisions on her own? Why she is so dependent on him. OR if she is doing it because she KNOWS it drives me nuts if they are in contact and it's not necessary. Is this acceptable behavior? I don't think it is... Is she out to try to sabotage our marriage? I feel like she does it to irritate me with her contact with him. I think it's a game with her.
She is playing your DH. He
She is playing your DH. He needs to grow a pair and shut this crap down in a hurry or it will just get worse.
On the surface as seems to be fairly common this may appear reasonable. BM is "sharing" kid accomplishments with their dad and seeking his input on decisions. However, this has such a toxic scent to it that it is fairly obvious that it is a manipulation tactic.
Good luck.
Agree!
Agree!
She's still operating as if
She's still operating as if they are married, for whatever reason.
I agree that your DH needs to shut it down, she probably won't stop on her own.
some one needs to tell this
some one needs to tell this woman they are divorced and you should tell your husband to shut her up and set some boundaries..... he's not interested in what they do, she can only contact him with emergencies
She cheated on him with his
She cheated on him with his friend? Go to chumplady and read up on centrality. There is a certain personality who cheats because they need the drama of the triangle. They want to be the most important cog in the system. Sounds like that's what she's doing now. Tossing up flares to remind him how important she is and to remember to be hurt because of how important she was to him and how super hurtful it was to bed his friend. So she's doing it in the subversive way of the children's welfare and accomplishments in order that he feels he can't look away or he'd be a bad dad. So not true, but that's the weapon she's using.
Yes, She cheated on DH with
Yes, She cheated on DH with his best friend who was ALSO married. BROKE UP TWO MARRIAGES... So now she's popping his babies out left and right. Pregnant right now AGAIN.. Her 2nd kid with my DH old best friend. So ~ she doesn't have to work and live off Child Support and the Government. MUST BE NICE.
The best friend/new husband
The best friend/new husband can't be happy about her continued contact with her ex either.
She's playing him as much as she's playing your DH. As Chief said it's classic triangulation.
Yup. Girl loves her a
Yup. Girl loves her a triangle.
Yes, agree with above. BM in
Yes, agree with above. BM in my life used to do that a lot, too. LOTS of texts abut things non-kid related, too. Like they are still close friends, after she cheated.
Your BM is trying to stay relevant in DH's life, that is the long and short of it. He needs to not respond. Period.
Check her post. See how many
Check her post. See how many times it was this weekend alone. Not a single one of those things was a school performance or competition or milestone of any significance. He does not need to see everything they do at bm's house. That woman is not respecting even her own home life, let alone op's. She is spending a lot of time checked out thinking about her ex-husband and focusing on him while she should be tuned into her own husband and her own life and kids.
But, you see, she likes that. She is a person who always has to have one foot outside the boundary and getting attention from someone else. That is exactly how she broke up her first family.
I'm telling you, OP, this woman is behaving this way because she can't stand the idea of her ex-husband not continuing to dance to her fiddle. She loved hurting him before and she loves hurting him now.
100% TRUE...
100% TRUE...
LOL ~ you ladies are funny
LOL ~ you ladies are funny and SOOOOO dead on.
I'm going to start responding when it gets out of hand.
"Thank you for sharing with US. :)"
I bet the "Sharing" will stop.
^^Yep. Ignore the whore.
^^Yep. Ignore the whore.
Yes, ultimate guilt. She
Yes, ultimate guilt. She knows it and she uses it to stay central in his life.
I agree with Our Family Wizard or similar. Online album.
If he can't do that, then get a burner phone. Tell bm his number changed. That phone is only for her. Check it when he feels like it, once or twice a day. Respond only to what needs responding.
I just don't see her
I just don't see her stopping. She Gets mad and tells him he doesn't care about his kids BS when he doesn't respond. Ultimate Guilt Trip.
Echo, you are absolutely
Echo, you are absolutely right!
OP ask your DH to try it for 3 months. Don't answer any texts, let all calls go to voicemail and on,y reply to emergency situations. Don't call back if it's something as dumb as can SS buy this?
At first she will go nuts! She will call much more frequently, she will rant and rave and scream and yell. She will bring others in and tell anyone who will listen just how horrible DH is.
I'm sure others can add to all the ways she'll try to get DH to respond to her.
Like a junkie he is cutting off her supply and she will do almost anything to get it back.
It will end. She will have to find a new source for her drama. Remember she is using him to tease and taunt her new husband too. There's no way he's ok with her still being so involved with his ex best friend, her ExH.
BM here didn't have anyone to triangulate with, other than the kids, but she needed DH to jump when she said and to feed her drama.
It took about 2.5 months of him not answering any of her calls or texts.
It was much easier for him because the skids were older and able to call him themselves.
He needs to tell her that
He needs to tell her that there is no need for her to check with him over every decision. I would tell her unless it involves body modification, or something that will result in a financial obligation on HIS part, he doesn't need to chime in.
He should tell her that he trusts her judgement and that while she has the kids, she should be able to make these types of decisions on her own.
As for the pictures. Why not set up some online shutterfly or instagram feed where she (and he) can post pics of the kids for the other to see "if they are interested".
"EX, I set up this online album where you can post pictures of the kids, I will check it when I have the time.. please don't text me the pictures, use this drop box instead."
Then, when she sends a text "I put pics in the folder" he can just ignore.. or go look at them, whatever.
They had an online shared
They had an online shared photo box. She would ~ EVERY SINGLE TIME she would upload a picture of the kids ~ she would include selfies of HER with each of the children ~ also. He would just go in and deleted the selfies. She finally noticed he was doing this and got mad and removed herself from the shared photo drop box. She's a HUGE Narcissist.
I would have ignored the
I would have ignored the pictures with her in them.. deleting them just made her think she "got" to him somehow.
How old are the kids anyway? Are they old enough to be sending pics on their own?
Ya, MOTY isn't handing out
Ya, MOTY isn't handing out blue ribbons for FOTY, who cares if she thinks you care or don't care, all that matters is that you know what you're doing. I measure my own success.
In your shoes, I'd ask my DH
In your shoes, I'd ask my DH to put his phone away and only check it once or twice per day while the kids are with his ex. On the weekends I like his time and attention and, apart from being rude, it's so stressful to be constantly surfing social media and the internet anyway.
I mean, he could forward the actual phone to the house or me, and ignore the rest. If it was important, someone would call.
It's her MONEY MAKER!
It's her MONEY MAKER!
I am very close to my ex SIL.
I am very close to my ex SIL. She and my brother have been divorced for over 25 years. Most of that time they have spent not speaking to each other.
But I never mention my brother to my ex SIL. And she never mentions my brother. She is not invited to family events. She was actually with my mother when she died (having brought my nephew 1500 miles to see her). She left before the funeral and before my brother arrived.
It's just common sense for them to stay apart.
In-laws hates BM - thus I do
In-laws hates BM - thus I do not have this problem, but I'm not stupid either... one SIL is still friends with BM in secret, I think as soon as SO's brother finds out his wife is still besties with BM, there will be another divorce in the family....
I just do not say anything about BM, if this SIL asks anything about BM or Aergia, I give common replies, ...
things like nope Aergia is normal teen, we get along very well most times but we do have our words now and again, but she's a good kid.... (yeah right hard keeping a straight face saying this)
If SIL make a comment about BM, I smile and say - I've never met her and hardly knows what she looks like...... I do not know her and we should not be talking about her...
I know SIL is telling everything back to BM.... hahahaha it pisses BM off every time she has to hear how wonderfully Aergia and I get along }:)
He told me he feels like
He told me he feels like she's not trying to cause Drama with her constant trying to communicate and that's her "COPARENTING" ~ finally. UGH I don't want to share my husband with another woman.
They have a dependency for and feed off each other. He can't quit her.
I would understand if they
I would understand if they were milestones. But, the sharing is anything and everything and It's not to share... it's to get a reply from my husband and to be able to contact with him to engage in conversation. She has no respect for what time she shares things or asks questions. Her sending selfies with her and the kids to my husband is not ok. They shared a photobox to upload pictures of the kid in. Which was great. Until she realized he was deleting the Selfie pictures she uploaded of her and the kids. She got mad like a little cray baby and deleted herself from the box.
So tell me ~ she wasn't being malicious in her actions of including herself boobs hanging out and all in selfies with the kids?
And she wasn't malicious when she texted my husband and told him she wasn't going out of her way to make me feel comfortable.... and when she texted him she could tell he wasn't happy with me? And that she honestly thinks he can do better? Nope... Not malicious.
Even though she doesn't know me or has ever spoken to me. Or when she makes up stories to tell my husband that she knows someone that knows me and told her that I said BLAH BLAH about her... but won't give my husband a name of the person (BECAUSE IT'S A LIE and it's her just trying to start drama and trouble)
She's not malicious at all... She's just a regular peach...