Mother's Day Acknowledgment

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Hi all!

I have two kiddos myself, I am a bio mom to a 3 year old and a 7 year old. I also have my Stepson who is 8 years old. I had my feelings really hurt recently by my stepson and my husband seems to think it isn't an issue. So, at school - all of my kids have been making crafts for Mothers Day gifts. I really, really enjoy it when the kids make me stuff at school especially when it's for Mother's Day and I always go over-the-top when they bring stuff home for me because I really do enjoy handcrafted gifts.

My 3-year old and 6-year old made me beautiful crafts and gifts and I was so excited when they brought them home. My 8 year old stepson, who lives with us exclusively (bio mom is not in picture at all) came home from school and I felt like he rubbed it in my face that he didn't make me anything for Mother's Day and instead made something for his grandma for Mother's Day. I thought what he made for his grandma was very sweet and that she would love it, but I couldn't understand why he wouldn't even think to do something for me for Mother's Day? My husband thinks I'm being over-the-top, but it still hurt my feelings.

Am I being over-the-top?

Thanks in advance!

Honestly, this is exactly how

Honestly, this is exactly how I feel. I have raised this child since he was 3 years old and he is with me more then my own son is (my bio son and his dad spend most weekends together). I feel extremely insulted that he didn't acknowledge me at all, even if he doesn't call me mom on a daily basis. I still was very disappointed. However, when it's Fathers Day of course my husband gets all the praise in the world from his own son.

"However, when it's Fathers

"However, when it's Fathers Day of course my husband gets all the praise in the world from his own son."
This is because your DH is his dad, you are not his mother, you are not related to him at all, so no matter what you do you will very rarely find any one who ever gets any recognition for their hard work as a step parent. Kids usually have no idea what their own parents do to support them so expecting a child to know what all that you have done for them is never going to end well for you. This is why I don't do anything to help my skids, I help my DH with the skids but that is because he does recognize what I do for his kids that I don't have to do anything for. My SO bought me a bird bath for Mothers Day but I will get nothing from his skids and why should I when everything I do to help with them is only to help my SO.

It is an over reaction and

It is an over reaction and this little boy most likely feels not having his mother in his life. Praise his effort to his gran and let this go.

Thanks for your feedback,

Thanks for your feedback, Monchichi. I am disappointed is all, especially that he feels like I'm not his mother enough to make me something at school while all his friends made cards and gifts for their moms.

It just really hurt my feelings. I feel like I try hard with him even moreso then with my own bio kids because I want him to know he is loved and cared for. So, I feel somewhat down about that.

Give him time

I agree with this. I don't

I agree with this. I don't think that the child really put a lot of thought into how this might have hurt you. I'm sure that on his behalf, the situation is a bit confusing to him why his biological mother isn't in his life. Unless there are other big signs that he has a problem with you, I would try to not dwell on it. It most likely doesn't have the significance underlying it that you are feeling.

I would be hurt too, but then again, it's not even mother's day... perhaps there is something up his sleeve?

Thanks for your feedback,

Thanks for your feedback, ESMOD.

Mother's Day / Father's Day

Mother's Day / Father's Day are landmines in schools. Families come in all sizes and shapes. No matter how the school handles it, it is handled wrong according to someone.
Very often, in order to try to head off criticism and make all children feel included, it is announced that they are making a gift and it can be for anyone in their life -- mom, aunt, grandma, etc. Often the stepmom isn't even included in the announcement as teachers think of the person the child lives with as the "mom". If this kid had that type of announcement it is understandable that he made it for grandma.

Don't read more into this than it is.

i'm sorry it hurt your

i'm sorry it hurt your feelings, i've been there before as well. but remember, he's 8. that is still very young. no doubt he does not understand why his mother is not in his life but you are. it's a very, very painful reminder to him that everyone else in his class has an involved mother to make a gift for, but he does not. i hurt for the li'l guy...

Eight years old is old enough

Eight years old is old enough to know who has been there as a mother figure for him, so I can understand why you would be hurt.

But what is wrong with your DH? If I had raised my SD since she was 3, my DH would damn well make sure that I was acknowledged for it and he would make sure his daughter acknowledged it.

In fact, we have been going back and forth because he wants to get me something for Mother's Day and I don't want anything (I have no kids, by choice). I have been in my SD's life for 20 years, I did not raise her (she always lived with BM), but he insists that I have been a good role model for her. We settled on dinner.

I'm not sure who I would be most hurt by, your SS or your DH.

Hereiam, thanks for your

Hereiam, thanks for your advice. I completely wholeheartedly agree with you in that I am somewhat hurt by my hubby too. Especially the fact that he doesn't acknowledge Mothers Day, especially when we do share a child together (our 3-year old). That's why I somewhat rely on these homemade crafts my kiddos make me during school, because they are doing it on their own time and making it for me which makes it even moreso special. Usually I am the one to help them create crafts for loved ones on special occasions. I did have a small talk with my hubby yesterday about this because of the gift my SS brought home for his grandma and he didn't understand why my feelings were hurt and he didn't feel like it was a big enough deal to mention it to his kiddo.. I guess we will see what happens next year!

When my SS10 was in First

When my SS10 was in First grade, his teacher had planned for the students to make really nice mothers day gifts for the moms. SS became upset in class because he told the teacher he had to make TWO. DH would take the SS's to school every morning so the following day the Teacher approached DH and asked him if it was OK for SS to make Two gifts.
DH looked at her like she had two heads and told her "If SS feels like he has two moms then YES, he should make two gifts"
I still have that picture he made hanging on my fridge.

I will say, that was the one and only year I got anything for mothers day or any holiday. BM caught wind of him making me a gift and put a stop to that immediately.

I understand that my SS's don't actually consider me their mom. I'm perfectly fine with that. I don't consider them my son's either. They are DH's sons. My SS's and BM have made it very clear they consider me nothing more than an occasional Nanny.
Therefore, I treat them as such. I don't want or expect anything for mothers day.

Mother's day isn't until this

Mother's day isn't until this coming Sunday. Maybe he had something else planned for you? I might wait until that day before I got completely upset.

Was the gift craft for

Was the gift craft for Grandma at the teacher's suggestion perhaps. Example, kids are making gifts, SS says but I don't have a mother around to give a craft to (honest statement) and teacher goes to next typical idea for kids with 'well then you make one for Grandma'.

I'm not familiar with your backstory or what kind of relationship you have with your SS. All I'm saying is sometimes teachers are also unfamiliar with a child's family's ins and outs . Sometimes it's simply stems from a day of 'lets make Mother's Day gifts for Mom, today' without a lick of sensitivity or knowledge of the home life of her/his students. Or even if teacher is aware of your existence, has met you and knows child lives with you fulltime , the teacher isn't going to stand there and drill the child about how he feels for their SM. How much more awkward of a situation does it cause in class if the kid then pops up with 'but I don't like SM'.

Family make-ups have changed over the years, but classrooms still fail to acknowledge this. They have craft day for Mother's Day and Father's Day without any thought to the dynamics of households these kids live in.

No, not over the top and you

No, not over the top and you certainly can choose to be hurt by it.

Just keep in mind he is an 8yo and 8yos, particularly boys, barely have enough brain to remember to wipe their butts, blow their noses, or figure out how to tie their shoes

Damn... I forgot the eating

Damn... I forgot the eating boogers thing.

This is sad to me. My Skid

This is sad to me. My Skid has had not a whole of issues with the Dad concept though he has had two nearly his whole life. I am dad, the BioDad is Daddy (FirstName) and to this day his dad related discussions include stories and lessons from both Dad (me) and "Gangster Dad" (the SpermIdiot).

It is too bad your SKids and many others can't make the same adjustments regarding their deceased BM and the mom (SParent) who has raised them.