There's nothing to fix. Kids that aren't yours biologically feel more like a chore than anything else. Hell, apparently kids that ARE yours biologically can feel like a chore most days. Not too many step-parents find parenting rewarding the way biological parents do, and that's okay, but that means you're going to dread seeing her, even if you like her and she's well-behaved.

I like my 5 year old stepdaughter a lot. I would go as far as to say I love her because I'm pretty much her primary mother figure. But she's been at her mom's for visitation (we have her full-time other than 1.5 months in the summer) since the beginning of july and i'm dreading her return. I so badly wish I could extend the summer so we have MORE time without her here.

It's natural. Don't worry too much about it. Your husband should try to understand, because if he understands, than it's easier to limit any sort of resentment on your part - which means she won't be able to feel that you don't particularly love having her around.

SO what's the problem with having a good kid "for the most part" around EOW? Is it the few parts where teenager mode takes over and she is a spoiled disrespectful snot? Refuses to participate in the household and treats you as the chief maid, servant and wallet?

Lots of SMs have a hard time with tolerating lack of expectations, no discipline, zero consequences or just a general feeling of their life being turned upside down and a sense of being the third wheel while the Skids are around.

Welcome to Steptalk and feel free to expand on what it is that makes the EOW parenting time your DH has difficult for you. Yep, plenty SMs here dreading the approaching parental time for their spouse and kids and counting down the days until the kids go back to BM.

I have a niece that I adore with all of my being. She is a wonderful person and was a terrific young person.

But when she came and spent two weeks with me each summer I was so glad when she left. I loved her, I was so glad that I got to have this time with her, but I was exhausted by the end of the visits.

She is now 30 years old. She loves looking back at the time we spent together. I took her to her first visit to DisneyWorld (lived on the West Coast so that was a major trip). We did many other great things together while I lived in San Francisco.

Both of us loved our time together. I am sure that she was just as happy to get back to her mother as I was glad for her to go back home.

How you feel is perfectly normal and unlikely to change – the trick is working out how to accept the situation.

I’ve been a step-parent for 10 years now and still view the 50% of time we have the skids as a chore and I believe I always will. I don’t miss the skids when they are at BM’s ever and I LIVE for the kid-free weekends and kid-free holidays when I can really relax and prepare for the next onslaught.

The hardest thing you face is that your DH has his head stuck in the sand. Everyone comes into blended families with unrealistic expectations, however if they don’t evolve over time to accommodate the actual reality of the situation then you will have major issues with resentment and acceptance.

My DH and I went to counselling in the early years to help work through those expectations and it really helped. For me, it allowed me to stop putting pressure on myself to love (or even like) my skids and instead just let whatever will be to happen. For DH it really helped him to understand the difference in parenting bio and step kids and he had to let go of his dream blended family image.

There are still aspects that are hard. I get along well with my SS11 but very much dislike my SD12. DH knows how I feel about SD and understands as she’s very difficult and not overly likeable. However, that doesn’t stop him feeling sad about the fact that his wife can’t stand his daughter.

I would strongly suggest counselling to work through those expectations. Good luck!

Who did you marry - the adult man or the teenager daughter?

Yes the man, now simply disengage from the child, she's not yours, let her father deal with all the parenting, etc.
You stay out of it, see SD as a niece or some one coming over and simply be the aunt.

You have no reason to hate this girl, dang if you only knew what I went through with my Princess you would grab yours and hug her lol..... but I keep on reminding myself... I do not date the brat, we have different parenting styles, SO is on his own with his brat..... I have no feeling towards my princess, I don't love her, I don't hate her I don't like her.... but I do not blame her for being a brat, I blame her parents for raising her this way.

Feel your pain.
While I don't hate my SD, I am an only child with an only child, and I too feel my space is encroached upon when DH's daughter is always around (even when it isn't his day).

She and I get along reasonably well, but she wants to engage me on a level I am not always comfortable with, I find myself avoiding the house when I know she is going to be there and DH isn't (she is old enough to be home alone).

I feel like a jerk for wanting my space in my own house because the kid isn't a bad kid, I just need time to myself and resent the constant cleaning up after, entertaining, and feeding of a kid I didn't birth (I only had one for a reason).

I have shared my feelings with DH in a sanitized way, and have made clear I can't and won't be expected to pick up the BM's slack. Two things to be grateful for, she only has 4 years to adulthood, and she is old enough to spend time by herself. I make it clear (without being a jerk) that I make my own plans when SD isn't supposed to be in our house, so I can't be counted upon by her or DH to look after her needs. I also make it clear to DH that while I am happy to pitch in when I can, his kids are his kids, and he has to do the parental heavy lifting, not me.