I am sorry to see this, Disillusioned, because you treasured your relationship with YSD, and up until recently, she was loving and warm toward you. The invitation to her Father which excluded you must have been very painful. What did your DH say about it? My guess is that you are right about the influences of OSD and SIL - especially if she is friends on FB with them also.

Do you have birth children? Perhaps take a little vacation from the emotional attachment to YSD. Be pleasant but try to find something in your life which gives you great joy and focus on that for a while. YSD is still young. In the future she may gain clarity, but I would let her approach you.

I have family members whom I used to be close to. For reasons beyond my control or understanding, they have chosen to distance themselves from me. Once I realized that it was THEIR choice, not mine, and there was nothing I could do to improve my relationship with them, I let it go. The door is always open if they want to re-establish the relationship but there's so much in life to do - and not much left of it to bother worrying or fretting over them. At first it was hard - not so much now. Every day that you don't allow them to have an impact in your life is a day you learn to respect yourself more.

From what I can recall of post where you've written about YSD, I thought she was pretty decent and accepting of you.

I don't 'see' her as part of the OSD/SIL mode. She could be getting a lot of backlash on her social media interactions and therefore finds it easier to curtail much. I mean, why feed the dragons more fire, right?

I don't think I'd be too concerned on her online stuff, unless she actually says something nasty and/or inappropriate to or about you and DH. She may be facing the same kin of nagging that SSIL has. Perhaps she's come to the conclusion it's best not just for herself, but possibly you too to not show much attention in front of or in sightline of the nasty duo (SIL and OSD) .

She's married now too, and I'm sure her new life is busy and keeps both her physical and mental self pretty occupied.

I would think it's hard for her to be in the middle. Her sister and Aunt (and BM) are her family and she loves them, but so is Dad and you her family and she has been kind and loving towards the both of you. She's coming to the baby thing and Grandpa's birthday dinner, correct? You may be able to get a better, clearer, idea what what's up with YSD when you actually spend the day together as a group when all the 'players' in this are present. If she is social and warm and receiving of DH and you even knowing she may be being peeked at from across the room by the nasty duo (OSD and SIL) may be more telling than what occurs on social media.

As to OSD, I still think that one is bipolar or something such as and cycles. And SIL? She doesn't cycle, she's just always consistently her narcissistic old self. But then, that just my suspicion.

Our SDs are very similar. My OSD is hateful and jealous that I am in DH's life. I have not seen her now in 2 years, and no loss. She has all but cut her father out of her life because she is no longer the center of his attention. I get along better with YSD, but she is her sister's best friend. I am polite to YSD because she is smart enough to be respectful to me because I believe she respects her father. But I will never let my guard down because I know where her loyalties lie - with her sister. Even though her sister is known to be histrionic, needy, a whiner and complainer. She is still her sister, and I am still a Family Intruder.

Fortunately I don't have to deal with the hateful inlaw aspect. We live far away, and although SIL and BM are friends, SIL has been nothing but nice to me. I really don't care what is said about me when I am not around. DH's parents are deceased, so there is no one else that matters that they can try to turn against me.

Fortunately I did not meet these women until they were in their late 20's; it has to be rough knowing SDs when they were younger, developing a real fondness for them, and getting stuck in the back.

i am sorry this is happening to you.

it needs to be remembered that relatiohships with skids are fluid and changing.

one day or year you can get along great, and later they will hate you.

I am very sorry for you. It is hurtful.

You have disengaged and know how to handle this.

Vent here and we will support you.

((((hugs))))

Unfortunately in SM world, you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been dealing with it myself with SD21 and SD24 (DH's step). I used to have a good relationship with both of them. Like you and YSD, we were friends on FB and frequently liked the other's posts and made comments (I deleted my account over a year ago). Both girls knew they could call me at any time and DID. Sometimes to talk about a problem they had (which BioHo absolutely REFUSED to discuss with them because they would not do what she said), other times because they wanted to talk, and occasionally because they needed help. I don't know what happened in the last 2 years, but our relationships are GONE. Unless you want to count open hostility on THEIR part.

I do know that BioHo has always been jealous of me. I am everything she is not: I have a good job and make GOOD money (she makes $10 an hour), am an excellent cook ('Ho is the queen of fast food and frozen entrées), keep a clean, tidy house (the 'Ho house looks like a tornado went through it), and am a homebody like DH ('Ho is a partier who actually believes that "a drunk 'Ho is a FUN 'Ho!!"). I know the skids have overheard DH telling me he's the happiest he's ever been in his entire life. I'm sure that chafes, but it's not MY fault.

Anyhoo, the girls' hostility, which was gradual the first 1.5 years, has gone into overdrive in the last few months. I have NO idea why. Suddenly, their lying, cheating, narcissistic skank of a mother is a freakin’ SAINT and I’m the devil incarnate. I recently emailed them about something and suggested we get together. Within MINUTES, both of them replied, spewing a bunch of incorrect ASSumptions and flat-out lies. Where they got this “information”, I have no idea. However, with what they said and the ‘tone’ of their emails, I was not going to waste my time refuting all of the ridiculous BS.

DH and I talked about it – he is also completely baffled as to where this came from (unless it was lies spewed by ‘Ho) – and I decided I am done with them. THEY don’t know it, but I’m sure they’ll figure it out eventually. I’ve done a LOT for both of them (for the boys, too). No more. They can call; I will let it go to voicemail and MIGHT call back. I don’t care if they’re stranded in a 5 foot snowdrift and wearing pasties and a thong. They’re adults. They can figure it out for themselves without my help.

dear! hope you can get along with this unpleasant situation. But, life will go on, and steps are like this, unpredictable.
In my case, SIL and BM are great friends too. Anyone can tell why this happens???
SIL usually tries to create problems between BM and DH, as well.
So, weird people.. They cannot live their life without bothering or messing around. I can assure my SIL has jealosy issues (I do not understand why, she is almost 60 years ald, 20 years older than my DH).

Also a SD relationship is cyclic, please do not get involved in this emotional rollercoaster. Go on with your life, work, friends, hobbies and try to relax.
In my case, well, I can't really help you, as my SD11 does not talk to us and ignores the whole family. Hopefully she gets better, as finally she is going to the shrink, she began last week, and will continue if BM does not object.

I might ask her straight out why her behaviour towards you via private messaging is so different from how she behaves towards you on social media.

I know I show far less of my true self on social media than in my personal contact with people. And while it wouldn't be my style, for sure some people would just not interact with you in a public space if that meant that their psychotic older sister would leave them in peace.

And I also suggest that you wait until you can be curious about her answer, instead of feeling hurt and angry at what you imagine she intends.

Now, she does have very poor examples of normal in her life, so she might indeed be doing something deliberately to hurt or exclude you. Or she might be a bit selfish and thoughtless. Or there might be something else going on.

I think you need to gather more information from the source, using your own judgement and insight and experience. Treat it as a research project - what kind of person is YSD, really. And does Disillusioned like that person?

You can't befriend everyone. You can be civil and even kind to almost anyone, but you can have a meaningful connection with only a few. Maybe YSD shouldn't be on your shortlist.

I have the same thing going on here. OSD hates me. The other two growing up were perfectly fine around me unless she was here.
When oldest SD was creating drama the other skids jumped on the I hate no name band wagon.
The only one that I ever felt close to was YSD but that was all for nothing. Now due to the ousting of SS they are all once again on the I hate no name band wagon.
I am trying my very best to disengage. I see things on line or when out shopping and think oh what a perfect gift for SD or SS but then I talk myself right out of it. Being me it is difficult but I have to remind myself why I need to stop and walk away. No more cards, no more gifts, no nothing for Skids or grand skids from no name.
It's all on DH. The only down side is I will have no control over how much he spends on them and I am sure he will spend a lot more that I did! I always went for the thoughtful special gifts but stayed within a budget. DH will most likely go the gift card or cash gift route. My problem with that is that we have debts that should be paid first (In other words don't just pay the minimum, put any extra on the debts).