I don't know what to do, I really don't like my step daughter
Hello, I really don't know what else to do. So here I am.
My husband and I have been together since my step daughter was 5. She is now 10. And I have tried, god I have tried, to like this girl.
But ever since I have known her she has been a manipulative liar. For the longest time my husband didn't see what I was talking about, until recently as he has caught her in the act of lying himself on a few occasions.
She is sneaky, and is a bully to my son. She is fake and I just can't stand it.
I have done everything I can to try and get closer to her, to talk to her and bond. But every time I think its going well she turns around and does something like go back to her mothers and claim I scream at her, or that my husband drives her around drunk. Blatant lies. Told her mother not long ago that my husband hits her. That man barely even raises his voice at her let alone hits her...
We have tried everything we can think of to get her to stop, but nothing sinks in.
and the reality is that she acts just like her mother. Her mom sees no issues with her bratty and spoiled behavior because her mother acts the same way.
I am so fed up but I can't tell my husband. He already knows anyways, but hes at just as much of a loss if not more. He told me the other day his heart is broken because of how she acts. Hes worried about her future if we cant get this to stop.
we cant trust her and honestly, I don't like her at all because of it. I feel like an awful person for saying that because she is just a kid, but its true.
what do i do?
I think you need professional
I think you need professional help- therapy/counselling call it what you like. At least DH knows the issues too and isn't in denial. She's learning this behaviour from her BM and this has to be checked before your son is further affected by it. Good luck and well done for starting to turn tings around.
If I had met my SO's oldest
If I had met my SO's oldest daughter at that age I bet I would've felt the same way. I met her 3 yrs ago and instantly felt put off by her. She's 17 now and totally out of control - she lies, steals from people (her own grandmother among others) and is completely disrespectful to her dad. She's learned a lot of her awful ways from her BM who is nuts. Put a stop to what you will accept in your home. You can't control how she's parented but you can make it clear to your husband and to her that you will not tolerate certain behaviors in your home. Be firm about it. And don't allow him to reward bad behavior - if she lies or is disrespectful, she should get sent to her room, something taken away, etc. But its up to him to do it. Mine is older, so it might be a little different but I told my SO that until I hear his daughter apologize to him for her rudeness, she is not welcomed in our home. He agrees. I know it will be hard for a dad to do that to a 10 yr old but he really needs to nip this in the bud NOW. We're in the middle of a real shit storm with this 17 yr old. She runs away, is so mouthy to everyone, is a know-it-all (but her ignorance is astounding)and we just found out, might be pregnant. Ugh - do yourself a favor and squash the bad behavior now at 10 before its totally out of control at 16 or 17.
Web cams!!!! Record her crap
Web cams!!!! Record her crap and sit her and daddy down for the show any time it happens. If she abuses your son come down on that like stink on the crap that she is. Get your son in a self defense or martial arts class and tell him if she assaults him to protect himself. When he busts her lip she will stop the bullying.
Confront her behaviors without exception. Every lie gets called out, every bullying episode gets addressed on top of any self defense your son chooses to apply in response to her bullying. ZERO TOLERANCE!
Lather, rinse, repeat until she pulls her head out of her butt or turns 18 and launches. A life of abject misery works wonders on crappy behavior.
IMHO of course.
It never ends without correction
I’m sorry you’re going through that but unfortunately I can attest that it won’t end without correction from her parents. When I met my SD (8 at the time) she was a pathological liar like her mom and guess what? 14 years old now and STILL a pathological liar. Not even just minor things. The latest is she is telling teachers at school that her dad has kidnapped her. I left that circus a year ago only to be got caught in it again. My fault for being naive. Her dads fault for not parenting her and disciplining when necessary. I feel your pain and I agree with other poster. Counseling for yourself. Counseling for your DH and dear God counseling for the kid.