My in-laws disowned my husband and our family
A little background. My SIL has always been BFF with the Ex. My SIL never had children and leaves with my MIL. My husbands previous relationship was on and off for years but always living at his moms. He had twins with the Ex. He left her because she confessed that she was sleeping around with multiple men when they were on and off about the time twins were conceived. Additionally he caught her talking to another guy and making excuses to go out with that new guy my SIL knew about it but never told her own brother. Since years passed and my husband has a good heart he never has wanted to know if those kids are his or not. He still pays child support and sees them as his own.
He moved on from the Ex and we met. His sister hated that I came along she always has wanted for them to get back together. My SIL doesn’t even know me but never cared too because of the love she has for the Ex. My SIL never accepted that he moved on and that we married and now have 2 children together. Unfortunately too my MIL hates me because my husband and his sister are distanced due to the disrespect she’s given us by wanting to force the EX into his life way more than for co-parenting reasons. Due to that conflict his mother didn’t support us or our family either. My MIL chose to disown her son because he chose me over his sister and the EX. So now my MIL SIL and the EX are all best friends and do everything together. The EX never has to pay a dime for child care or actually care for the kids because my MIL and SIL have raised them as their own and buy them everything they want. The kids are always with my MIL and SIL but the EX collects the child support for her since those 2 sponsor everything for them.
This is so sad and unfortunate we have 2 kids together but my MIL has never cared for them at all she favors the twins for everything and has and continues to cut my children out. It’s as if our 2 kids didn’t even exist. It hurts me that their rejected like that. I wouldn’t trust them with my kids that’s for sure! They show no interest in being a part of their lives and my husband has confronted my MIL several times and she tells him she’s happy with her life the way it is now. My MIL has always excluded our family from birthdays and holidays because she invited the ex over with the twins instead.
I know that forgiveness is important I can forgive but I can’t forget. I don’t know what to do if I should just live my life like they don’t exist. I don’t feel there’s anything there to fight for. I shouldn’t have to fight for my children to be loved when there clearly not wanted. I know it’s hard on my husband especially with holidays coming up that our families can’t come together. How can I handle this ?
Live your life like they
Live your life like they don't exist.
And enjoy doing it. If
And enjoy doing it. If disengagement is done right, it can feel like winning the lottery. No more shame, angst, trying to win over people who refuse to be won over anyway. Just peace focusing on your marriage.
Amen!
Amen!
Amen!
Amen!
OMG my experiences with the
OMG my experiences with the inlaws are worse. Fortunately my husbands family is literally all over the country with not one member residing in the same state so family time with them is limited. Briefly meeting his parents was awful his father chewed me out about some nonsense and his mother even worse tried to have me arrested saying that I threatened her which was a total lie. when I spend time with his family I really need to meditate or like a day at the spa or a therapy session just to calm down and know I am not insane and they are. I think about it like it's his family I don't have to have a relationship with them. That said it does hurt that they dislike me so much and know so little about me.
Oh and I forgot to mention
Oh and I forgot to mention his sister showed up at my work one day wanting to beat me up because of their mom not liking me so yeah it could be worse.
That’s terrible!! I’m sorry
That’s terrible!! I’m sorry these ppl have definitely crossed the line to show up at your work!! Happy for you that you’re not living close by them!!
Joanna Belle you wrote: I
Joanna Belle you wrote:
I know that forgiveness is important
---------------------------------------------
Who told you that?
Forgiving someone only applies when a person asks for forgiveness and they do everything in their power to prove they will never EVER do it again. Where on earth did people learn to just hand over the I forgive you card.
The problem with this made up church stuff buzz words is they forgot (usually a self appointed fake Preacher who never spent 1 day let alone 10 years in the seminary) to mention to people :
Even Jesus knew when to brush off his sandals, he turned and walked away.
---------------------------
Don't be a doormat,,,be thankful they disowned you and DH. Do you really want to be around them? Are they good examples of family you want YOUR kids around?
Have they asked YOU for forgiveness?
Some things are not forgivable especially when no one has asked to be forgiven and made up for this junk they put you though.
Walk away and enjoy your life,,,drama free.
GoodLuck
You have a good point!! No
You have a good point!! No they have not. They feel we need to apologize to them for staying distant from their trio bff group and drama. You’re right no need for me to be a doormat!!
"How can I handle this ?" You
"How can I handle this ?"
You don't. This is your husbands family, his mess. Let him deal with them. Hopefully you are close to your own parents and family, if so put your focus there.
Amen!! I am blessed to have
Amen!! I am blessed to have my parents although not in town but they do come visit and we do. They genuinely care for us.
IMHO forgiveness is over
IMHO forgiveness is over rated. I am about writing off toxic idiots and calling them on their idiocy with zero tolerance for anything but reasonable behavior. IF anything I don't let them weasel out of their idiocy and I don't allow them or anyone else in the picture to forget or ignore it.
You are a much more magnanimous person than I.
Time for me to write-off that
Time for me to write-off that toxic relationship(s)!!!
toxic relationships, so if
toxic relationships, so if they don´t want you and your kids in their life, forget about them. Live and enjoy your free time with great people (your choice).
). It´s sad for my kids, but I keep them safe from toxic people, and a house were they are not welcome.
I can tell you my SIL is a pain in the back and MIL does not exist as a grandparent (the only one my kids have
At firt it was a shock for me, as I have no family on my side. But I realised they are not mentally healthy, and MIL and SIL are really two bitches...from who I protect myself and my family.
When we used to visit MIL, we had to take the food and drink, or she did nothing and we have to buy some pizzas...
Now I feel free, no excuses. My DH asked me why I did this (he denies everything, as a kind of protection, or does not accept the reality), so I have to remind him all the cruel things SIL & MIL did and said (When I was pregnant at the hospital with preeclampia SIL & MIL came by to say they were not going to help us with the kids, and we should not expect anything from them, and when my newbaby was at intensive care, they never came to visit or even ask..) I received some pics from them visiting museams in the city and having fun, while me and my new baby were at the hospital.
And of course, MIL and SIL are friends with the ex (BM), they invite her once a week for a tea :jawdrop: . So imagine, this was a war declaration to me.
Gaviotas this is a terrible
Gaviotas this is a terrible situation!! I can relate and it is so unfortunate. How many kids are steps? I have 2 toddlers that are 7-8 years apart from the step twins. When mine get older I am going to hate to have to see them confused as to why my husbands mom and aunt are not around them or want them as the older ones all they do is talk about their grandma and aunt. They do this because BM pawns them off to them on a constant daily basis and that’s who they know most.
Sorry I understand you when I had to go in to
The hospital emergency basis doctor needed to induce me ASAP because my babies heart beat was not all well. That day we had the twins in school. My husband called his mom to see if they could pick them up from school and help that day. I heard the conversation as my husband was speaking to her while standing by me in the hospital bed. My MIL told him he shouldn’t be at the hospital with me that he should be doing his dad duties for the twins instead of being at the hospital. She never even asked about our other child who fortunately my parents drove here from an 1 hr 30 away to pick him up ASAP as soon as they heard I was going to the hospital.
The irony of it all the ex gets free child care 24/7 anytime for whatever reason for the twins. They couldn’t be there for us in an emergency although we had never asked them for help before. Ouch it hurts! Sorry I know it hurt you too not even them acknowledging your baby in intensive care or following up. You are so right though at the end of the day it’s best to live and enjoy life and forget about them!