Please Need Opinion with Skeptical Behavior
Good Evening Everyone, I need advice/opinion about my 17 year old stepson.
The background is that i am 37 years old and have been married for 5 year. I two stepsons 17, 11
and one biological daughter who is three. Both stepsons live with us full-time. My relationship with my younger stepson and daughter is great. My relationship with my older stepson has never been good, at best we tolerate each other. The only way for me to keep the peace with him is to disengage. My stepson is verbally abusive to his mother and physically abusive to his much smaller younger brother. I have tried to talk to my wife about it and she pushes it off and almost wants to ignore it.
The main issue that i am writing about is how my stepson interact with my 3 year old daughter. Plainly put, it freaks me out.He has an ear fixation where he will rub my daughters ears and puts her ear in his mouth. About 6 months ago, younger stepson brought it to mine and my wife's attention that my older SS was doing this to my daughter. I told my wife that i am not OK with this, by any means and he
is not to do this with my daughter. Its sick and borderline pedophile behavior. My wife said that my younger stepson was lying and it was not true. I know my wife had a talk with my older stepson because, after that conversation, he would not even look at my daughter when i was around.
Well during our Christmas party, with everyone sitting around, i just glanced over and i noticed, he had my daughters ear in his mouth. As i slowly started to lose composer, i grabbed my daughter and left the room (my wife wasn't in the room). This behavior makes me want to vomit. As i left the room i noticed that, noone else
was alarmed as i was and no one even took notice. So it sick or am i wrong. All i know, ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY.
From this, the two biggest things that bother me is that, if he does that when people are around, what does he do when no one is watching? Secondly, what if i am wrong and are overreacting? I will say, my daughter does not shy away from him and does not seem afraid of him. Its just really freaking me out and
no one seems to listen to me or even care.
Please let me know what you think. Am i just way overreacting?
If you need me to clarify anything let me know, i wrote this while being pissed thinking about it.
Have a good evening, thank you.
Steven
P.S. I am a combat veteran and for me, being a step parent is harder than combat.lol
i agree you need to seek the
i agree you need to seek the advice of a therapist and dont ever leave your daughter in the presence of ss17 without your supervision.
it appears he is acting out by bullying his younger brother and you dont want him acting out against a toddler half sister.
you are correct that being a step parent is very difficult. its the reason for many divorces.
I agree with seeking
I agree with seeking professional help in case it is the worst situation. On the surface however, it doesn't seem to bad. A little strange for sure though. Have you tried having a conversation with the 17SS? Ask him why he does that and tell him you find it a little strange. If he says sorry and stops doing it then maybe it was just his way of being silly and playing with her. For example, when I was little I had a certain uncle that always tickled me. It was just his thing, he wasn't a pervert or creepy it was just how he played with him.
In my opinion, there is
In my opinion, there is absolutely nothing normal about this in any way, shape or form. When something bothers you this much, to ignore it would be disastrous. Trust your gut. Do not allow this boy to be alone with his sister. Even if it means you sleeping on the floor in her room. Your baby girl should be protected at all costs. I also agree with the above poster. A professional should be enlisted for assistance. This isn't something you can handle on your own. The fact that he is abusive to his younger brother and his mother is reason alone to get professional help for him. Your wife needs help as well. She is not dealing with reality. Good luck, Steven. Let us know how things progress.
Your daughter is old enough
Your daughter is old enough to begin to understand the concept of "good touch and bad touch." She needs to understand that she doesn't need to let anyone touch her in any way if she doesn't like it. Also let her know that she should tell you if anyone touches her in a way she doesn't like. She is young, but you can do this in language that she understands.
What your SS is doing is strange. I agree, don't let her alone with him at all.
Have you considered
Have you considered separating and getting a RO on your stepson? What kind of mother lets her daughter be touched like that? I would have packed my BS17's stuff for him if I ever thought he was doing something like that to my DD. It gives me shivers thinking about your story. Your SS is supposed to be a protector for his sister, her knight in shining armor, her hero.