professional home repair
My husband for work does professional home repair. Etc. Every time Bio and her husband (Whom used to be my husbands best friend needs something done they call on him.... but Bio cheated on DH with him and ruined his marriage and hers. Now they are together ans have more kids.) I came along long after... They both guilt him saying it's for the kids. They make him feel guilty like it is his responsibility.
I have a huge problem with this for many reasons...
For one Bio is treating him still as her husband with "Honey dos".
They are USING my husband for free services. Bio has No respect for me and has never given me a chance. She is flat out rude to me any change she gets directly and through text messages to my husband. She is very jealous and can not handle that he is with someone else and that another woman is part of the kids life. Which it is what it is. It is sad for the kids.
Am I wrong in thinking they should put their adult pants on and call someone else? It's not my husbands responsibility. PLUS, Why should he help people that ruined his life? How do I make him not feel guilty for not helping these people?
For the kids~ BS! It's for them!
If BM is so worried she needs
If BM is so worried she needs to get home repair "for the kids" she can get someone else, just as easily.
I would consider this my personal boundary crossing. Not to mention WTH would your DH want to help out a cheating ex, and a best friend who really wasn't his friend, regardless of the kids. That would be humiliating.
My line in the sand would be
My line in the sand would be urgency of the situation.
For example... water pipe bursts in the middle of the night..or heat pump goes offline or branch stabs through the roof.
Those are situations that are immediate and of an urgent nature to address and I might be ok with those ... but they would by nature be pretty few and far between. If you have repetitive issues with your water pump.. however, it should not be your DH's job to run over every time the points need filing.
Other stuff like painting or fixing a sqeak in the door... or installing her new dishwasher.. none of that stuff is urgent.
It's for the kids? So, mom, take care of things "for your kids" hire a handyman or learn how to do it yourself.
I would also note that, in
I would also note that, in reality, he is not obligated to do any of it. She should be a responsible parent and ensure her home is in good repair and pay for it to be maintained.
I'm just saying "if" your DH is inclined to want to be nice about it at all, I would only do it for emergency situations.
He needs to start giving her
He needs to start giving her written quotes and if she "hires" him, hand her invoices and make sure she pays.
^^^YES!!!
^^^YES!!!
This is absolutely
This is absolutely ridiculous. BM and her husband can pay for/do their own home repairs. Your husband is not their bitch.
That is my exact thought!
That is my exact thought!
Exactly! Sounds like BM has 2
Exactly! Sounds like BM has 2 husbands... :sick:
EXACTLY! I don't think he
EXACTLY! I don't think he should even do things as a favor on emergency... They are perfectly capable of calling and hiring someone. Just like everyone else in adult land.... They just want a free service. And BIO gets off on my husband still stop dropping and rolling for her.
I don't think he should based on the lack of respect BIO has for me (His wife).
She would not do any favors for me. She played games with him 3 days ago with getting the kids and what time. Why should he do them favors?
My husband BEGGED them to stop the affair ~ Did they stop? Nope. So why should he stop drop and roll for them? Especially when we have plenty of things to do within our own home.
So, why does your DH do this,
So, why does your DH do this, especially when you have things in your own home that need doing? If his reasoning is that it is for the kids, then it would be just as beneficial for the kids for BM to hire someone to do the job. I don't think you are wrong at all for being bothered by it but I think the responsibility for it happening lies with your DH. He could say, "no" but he chooses not to.
I think I would be upset with
I think I would be upset with anyone who constantly asked for free repairs. That is, essentially, taking money out of your household.
You're not wrong at all. Your
You're not wrong at all. Your DH is taking time away from you and your home to fix BM's problems.
I understand helping out but there's a line and he seems to be crossing it. She should be paying him in the least.
I wouldn't put up with it
I wouldn't put up with it either. I think sending an invoice is amazing. Why doesn't her new man want to step up and take care of the house? I find that really strange and I would be upset. I can't even imagine my BF letting me ask my ExDH to help me with something at this house, and there's not even any hostility between the two.
Perhaps next time she ask for
Perhaps next time she ask for a 'free' repair, it waits until all his paid for work is completed. So if he has worked booked in for the next 12 weeks then he maybe able to do it then. Unless of course if he doesn't get any more paying work gets booked.
I told him he can do it ~ if
I told him he can do it ~ if we both come over. Which I knew she would not want.
So ~ He told her WE would both come over.
She told him ~ No I could sit in the car until he is done. He said that isn't going to work. LOL
Now she wants him to tell the kids why he can't come over and fix their home.
I'm like yeah tell them their mother wants your wife to sit in the car while he's doing them a favor.
It's on BIO.
I fell bad for my husband to have to be in the middle but it's truly not his job to play Mr. fix it in their home.
He can tell the kids he is
He can tell the kids he is not going to fix the home because it is not his home to fix. :?
And what kind of putz is BM's husband that he can't take care of his own home repairs, whether it be calling someone or fixing it himself? I can't think of one guy that BM has been married to that would have wanted my husband over there fixing his house.
Frankly, I think they are getting some kind of weird kick out of it and laughing at your husband behind his back.
Your DH needs to put a stop to this nonsense.
Hereiam, I concur!
Hereiam, I concur!
OP's DH is digging the trench
OP's DH is digging the trench and BM's DH is laying the pipe...if ya know what I mean
Exactly... I'm sure they
Exactly... I'm sure they do... They think it's funny to have him be their slave. I'm like ~ she picked him a long time ago to take care of her. Not your place to take care of their home. It's HER new husbands job to fix or hire someone.
I know my husband feels bad. And who knows what kind of damage control we will have to deal with the kids. They won't understand why.
But ~ that is good I will tell them not his home to take care of. Actually ~ I will tell them I don't know anything about that stuff. That is between your dad and mom.
BM used to insist that DH
BM used to insist that DH change her brakes and give her car a tune up. This went on for 10 years, from the time they divorced to when he married me. I asked him why he did it? He was paying the hoor alimony so couldn't she afford to take her car to jiffy lube?! He'd did it to keep her from going crazy on him and asking for more and more. Needless to say it doesn't happen anymore but sheesh, talk about using someone up, throwing them away then using them some more. DH was complicit in the whole thing so he's just as much to blame.
Your situation is pretty much the same, your DH wants to be the good guy and make everyone happy. How could he possibly say no since it's *for the kids*! He's being used but his egos getting stroked and I guess that's what it's all about w/these guilty dads.
If I may get all devious with
If I may get all devious with this....
There are lots of things that need fixing in your home, right. Kids come over and DH starts fixing, With Kids Help. Th mantra for this work is "real men fix what's broken at home".
Make the kids proud they fixed things and give them a couple dollars for their work.
See what happens when BM calls him again and tells the kids he won't help
101, the above suggestions
101, the above suggestions are good and I agree there is NO WAY your DH should be doing home repairs for BM!
Here's another tactic you might want to employ if you want to do a tit-for-tat: Next time the skids are at your house, have DH call BM and tell her she needs to come over and make meals and do kitchen clean-up afterward. While she's at it, the skids clothes need to be washed too. If she says no, DH should tell her that she must not care that her kids go hungry and will be wearing dirty clothes!
LOL
LOL