Helpless SD

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So DH was doing that thing where he’s telling me how much better Killjoy is doing. He really needs to stop that, because it just makes me hate her even harder.

Apparently, this time she came to him and asked him if there’s “anything she can do to earn some money”. Translation: take pity on me and just give me some money — aka — front me some money and forget about the debt, like you always do.

I think he was supposed to ask her what she wanted it for? She has plenty of everything, but is always looking for a “fix”, like a greedy slavering junkie. Whatever money she’s gotten for birthdays and xmas gets immediately blown on crap, like it’s burning a hole in her pocket, then doesn’t have any when a need arises. Then she asks DH for it and I tell him NO, but she never learns.

The thing is, when she turned 12 I enrolled her in the Red Cross Babysitting Class. She was LIVID that I did so without consulting her first, and told DH she didn’t want to go. Six months later, I asked her if she would like me to advertise her babysitting services on our community facebook page, and she snottily spat, “Why would I want to babysit??”

When I was 12, I passed out flyers on people’s mailboxes for babysitting jobs. Now Killjoy is almost 14 and I have since discovered that she sexually abused my GD right before she turned 13. So, IMO, babysitting is out, although she doesn’t know that because she's never even tried. And at her age, we were going door-to-door asking folks if they wanted their grass cut or snow shoveled. She does none of that. She’s not even trying. Methinks she doesn’t really want to do anything, except for get paid for chores she should already be doing.

Yeah, ever since I disengaged, our house went to sh!t. It’s a mess. She almost never cleans anything. I still clean far more than she does.

Killjoy is helpless when it comes to being responsible and mature. We have a bikepath that runs along our neighborhood. In one direction it goes to the highschool, in the other it goes to town (McDonald’s). DH had to show her how to get to the HS for sports practice last summer, because she was too stupid to figure it out, even though she’s always been a backseat driver.

She gets DH to “help” her with her homework, which consists of telling her the answers. He spoonfeeds her like an infant. She snivels when she talks. “I’m so confused…” is her favorite phrase. It’s sickening. She seems to think acting like a bimbo is cute.

Killjoy is not helpless when it comes to micromanaging me, sneaking around, stealing, manipulating, and lying. She’s got that down to a science. So, IMO, she doesn’t want to “earn money”, she wants money GIVEN to her. For being snotty and entitled. Gross. That’s what I hate about her the most, she’s never honest about her true intentions, she wraps everything in plausible excuses. And DH falls for it, every time.

She's not so stupid - she's

She's not so stupid - she's managed to get free money from your spouse for doing nothing! As long as he keeps that up, she's not going to do squat.

Deal with him first. Gifts at gift time only. If he sticks to this, she will figure out how to get what she wants the right way.

To be honest, I don't think babysitting and mowing lawns is a thing now. I hear more parents say, "I want my kid to enjoy being a kid - not mowing lawns all summer." Or, "son's soccer keeps him so busy, there's just no time for him to have a job." It's as if kicking a ball will get them further than learning to show up on time and deal with a boss. That's why they never grow up anymore.

Yep. He keeps telling me how

Yep. He keeps telling me how proud he is of her because she plays a sport. But because of said sport, she isn't required to do any chores or earn any money. And the whole world revolves around her sport, with the drives to practice, the travel on weekends, the eating out, the grandparents showing up to watch, her teammates telling her how good she is. She's not doing it because she's diligent, she's doing it for narcissistic supply. Daddeeeeee is "supporting her dreams", at a very large $$$ cost.

Killjoy is a class A

Killjoy is a class A manipulator. And DH is her target. He will fall for it every time. Reality doesn't exist, he is blinded by her. It sucks!!!!!!!!!!! HUGS!

i have a few killjoys in my

i have a few killjoys in my life too...it almost seems like the fathers of killjoys are oblivious? i dont know if its because they are that ignorant (emotionally immature) or they know whats happening and suffer low self esteem, thus, not doing anything...she will only get better at being a manipulator as she gets older- hoping your DH takes off the blinders...maybe mention retirement everytime she asks for money...givibg money here and there is one thing, but everytime- time to bring up the subject of retirement...ive become more aggressive and looser when it comes to trashing my husbands kids- i cant help it as there is so much bs...i was talking to my dh about wills not ours but a newspaper article was describing how a fathers adult kids were suing his new wife over a revised will- i took a stab at my husbands kids saying, "its not like your kids are going to help you with retirement" - i realize its wrong- i should keep my mouth shut but there is so much anger there...so bring up retirement but try not to be as bitter as i am lol...its hard not to take jabs but i am learning slowly to keep my mouth shut...goodluck.

Sometimes the opportunity is

Sometimes the opportunity is too golden to bite your tongue. I say let it rip, it is more fun than taking the high road, which is code for just sit there and take it.

oh yes lol...there are many

oh yes lol...there are many golden opportunities prob why i said it- but im still trying to be positive in a negative step world (but i expect to relapse)

SD14 pulled weeds in our yard

SD14 pulled weeds in our yard this summer for some money from DH, at age 13 it was the first "job" she's done. DH and I have suggested numerous ideas all to be shot down because they were too boring, too hard, she didn't want to deal with it, etc., etc. I gave up a long time ago.

Meanwhile SD11 has been doing animal sitting for people for the last couple years when she can. SD13 said, this summer, SD11 has a JOB?! I think that got her moving.

BUT I don't hold my breath that she'll ever have a normal job b/c DH thinks that she shouldn't ever have to work while she's in school. Yeah, none of my money will support anything, just reinforces that.

Yeah, I forgot to mention:

Yeah, I forgot to mention: Killjoy also got caught dozens of times rummaging through people's things and stealing. She's been spoken to about these situations, but can't seem to control her kleptomania. So I would cringe at recommending she do any house/pet/babysitting, because she would most likely steal stuff from the owners. And we are not going to supplement her poor behavior by making up for the difference.

Master manipulator, yes.

She seems to have no concept that she did anything wrong.

Killjoy sounds like a peach

Killjoy sounds like a peach lol....

what about this - Aergia has 3 dogs, one weekend we went away, SO asked my son if he could feed the dogs daily... Deigma answered him yes sure... this is the fee per day, SO agreed and paid him the money upfront.

Aergia stayed at home, yes the home where the dogs are and was livid cause Daddy paid Deigma to come and feed the dogs, she could've done it...
SO simply answered her, but you never do, it's your dogs, I'm not paying you to feed them, you should be doing it any way... since then Deigma refused looking after the dogs, we never knew Aergia would be at home that week-end and we feel she can look after her own freaking dogs...

Aergia never worked a day in her life.... and she never will cause Daddy is supporting her al the way

Let her drown.... so to speak.