ADHD/ADD
This year has been a rough year academically for my 12 year old SD. We pulled her out of traditional public school in November due to her getting involved with not so great friends. She became a "mean girl" and was involved in a group of girls who were lying to teachers/principals claiming a new boy at the school was touching them inappropriately. We pulled her out since she clearly was not making good choices and just followed along with everyone else. She was enrolled in an online school (ECOT) which then shut down 2 months in to her enrollment. She is now enrolled in another online school, she is on week 3 at the new school. She has always struggled educationally and even though she was scoring well below average on reading and math standardized tests, neither her teachers, her father, or her biograndparents stepped in to see what the problem was. I feel that she is struggling with ADD/ADHD and Biograndparents also now agree since she completes her schoolwork at their house while we are working during the week. Her father is very resistant to this because he thinks that she will have to take medication that she could become dependent on. He also struggles with ADHD but he was able to get through school by not so constructive means (cheating, copying etc) those means are not an option for SD. I think she would greatly benefit from medication and also an IEP with the school because her reading comprehension is probably only at a 3rd grade level even though she is in 6th grade. She is impulsive, struggles to focus/concentrate, she does not have a filter when speaking and will just blurt out whatever she is thinking most days, she will interrupt others who are talking, she is easily angered and irritable and very moody. I would like to get her tested for ADD as well as her reading and math skills but have no clue where to start or how to deal with my husbands resistance if medication is what she needs. Any advice or helpful tips?!?!?
What are bio moms opinions?
What are bio moms opinions?
Biomom has not had any
Biomom has not had any contact with SD or DH for 10 years, he has had full custody since she was 2
Here in Fairyland I earn my
Here in Fairyland I earn my living by working mainly with young women like your SD. My feeling is she does need some specialist help and it doesn't always require medication. I think there must be some mental health specialist who can assess her needs and go from there. As for DH- she is his daughter and not yours so he may take some convincing and I really don't know how I can help with this one. Maybe others with more experience of this from a a parenting perspective may help more.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7cBvmBIvLE
and
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVV_ZhpK9aM
Dr. Craig Childress has valuable information. There are several HE posted that will be beneficial.
Goal is to find root cause, not to stick a band aid. Also think about what the child has gone thru, parents separated, parents divorced, new wife, kid going to babysitters after school. That is a lot for someone so young do deal with. Hard for parents to get thru---imagine the child who can no process this.
Good Luck...
Is there a different public
Is there a different public school you could put her in? Do mom and dad live in the same district? Asking the school to evaluate her is one option. You could also get a full evaluation from an educational psychologist; that would not be inexpensive but would likely be better/more comprehensive than what the school would do. Not everyone diagnosed with ADHD needs/uses drugs for it - there are other things that can be done. Having your DH speak with a professional about the options would be a good idea, and once he talks to someone and educates himself about the drugs, he may feel better about them.
Online school is not a good option for every child. A child who struggles academically may need more support than online school can provide. I would give serious consideration to getting her diagnosed, putting her back into public school and getting her the supports she needs. It may be that this year is a loss, and that might not be a bad thing, as she'll be away from the "mean girls."
I have a bio-daughter who is
I have a bio-daughter who is now 21 who was dx with ADD in 7th grade, I was against medication as well, just for personal reasons, I did not want her to use this as a crutch. We worked with a therapist on behavior modification. Her biggest issues came from her lack of concentration, she was easily distracted. We found that she did better on academic things in the morning, we planned her school schedule around that, as soon as she had lunch getting her to focus again was difficult. We also kept her active, she played sports, sang in the school choir, and was involved in Girl Scouts. Routine became our best friend. We also made LOTS of lists, we found that dry erase markers can be used on mirrors, she would write everything she needed to remember that was out of her routine. She had a very difficult time concentrating when there was a time limit, if she was taking a timed test, she would spend the hour watching the clock, figuring out how much time was left, and before she knew it time was up and she only completed a couple of problems, we worked with the school on accommodating that, usually it meant that she still only had the hour, but there wasn't a clock in the room for her to watch. I am happy to report that she is going to school to be a firefighter, and has a full time job, she lives on her own, and pays her own bills.
I have to admit that ADD and ADHD are very different, I have a SS10 that is ADHD, completely different. When I first got involved with FH, SS took medication, he was more calm, he also had no appetite and not a lot of energy. BM missed a couple of his med-check appointments, and wouldn't allow FH to take him (control issues), she also didn't want us to have any of the medication at our house, only she knew how he liked to take it(more control). Anyhow she decided she was going to take him off the medication, he is very fidgety, he has to be constantly moving, bouncing on something, rocking in a chair, clicking a pen, kicking a table leg, etc. He is very, very smart (gifted) and often rushes through assignments, his papers are hard to even read because his penmanship is so awful. He also rushes through meals (my biggest pet peeve) he will finish a taco in 3 bites, and have all the food shoved in his mouth, hasn't even swallowed it, and he is asking if he can leave the table. He drinks so quickly he is out of breath. We remind him all the time to slow down, and now he has to stay at the table with us until we are all finished eating, this has helped a bit. He usually gets bored after a minute or two and wants his phone at the table because he is "soooo bored", we don't allow this and he will start doing something to purposely annoy FH until he gets angry and sends him to his room, which is what he wanted in the first place, so there are still details to work out. We try to be very consistent and have routine at our house. He has a set bed time, no electronics when he is going to sleep, he has to sleep in his room, in his bed, lights out.
I am a firm believer in natural consequences, I am not one to make excuses. We don't write notes because he "forgot" his folder at mom's house, or left his boots at school, today he is eating school lunch because he left his lunch box in his classroom. FH and I try not to let him use his ADHD as an excuse, but he tries.
Maybe you could start a conversation with DH using his own struggles as an example, talk about what tools he used (cheating/copying) to get through school, and how much easier and rewarding school would have been had someone given him the tools he needed to help him in school. Also, ADHD medication has come a long ways, ask him if he would be open to just discussing it with a doctor and or therapist, he can ask about their addictive properties, etc.
Good luck
This makes me feel a little
This makes me feel a little better! I think that SD has ADD since she does not seem to have the hyperactivity component and Ive also read girls are more likely to be ADD instead of ADHD. I think I will definitely try to see if she focuses better in the morning/afternoon as that might be really helpful. Thankfully the online school she is in doesn't do timed tests, which has helped some because she has the same problem of anxiety when she is being timed. I think DH is weary of the meds because her biomom was an addict and his own grandfather was an alcoholic. He says he doesn't believe in the genetics of it but I think he secretly does and worries about it with her potentially taking those kinds of meds. I am also a believer in natural consequences which has been a difference of opinion between myself and DH/biograndparents. They would run her back home if she forget something, go out of there way to make sure she didn't forget things but I do not. If we are in the car and she forgets something, I do not go back for it, I feel she has to learn and its not fair if everyone else has to deal with consequences but not her.
One thing we have been working on is that they felt they were making up for Biomom's lack of involvement by not making her stick to consistent rules. It wasn't until I came along that she was required to complete regular chores, sleep in her own bed/room, or complete tasks independently. They are now slowly getting better at making sure she does her chores every Saturday, cleans up after herself etc. However her grandparents are a little harder to crack, they sometimes still jump at her every request/demand instead of telling her she is plenty old enough to do it on her own.