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What can be done

Stepdadchad's picture

Submitted by Stepdadchad on Mon, 06/12/2006 - 10:31am

My ex-wife is furious because I let the kids stay with my mother, instead of my father when I went on my honeymoon. Now based on that one incident, she is threatening me with contept of court, and wants to go back to mediation and force me to pay her child support. We have the kids 50% of the time. I currently do not pay child support because she has a spending problem.

Now with the combination of me getting married, she having a kid and not being able to support that kid, she wants me to pay her. The kids have 5 different pairs of tennis shows, but they can't afford a phone bill. They paid for a $400 birthday party, yet she can't hold a job.

So I ask, what can really be done to prevent me from paying for new born? Has anyone fought this successfully in the courts? How do I handle a woman who has serious mental issues (she was molested by her step-dad who's still in the picture!) with the respect and dignity that my children deserve?

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Sweetie's picture

Submitted by Sweetie on Mon, 06/12/2006 - 11:32am

Dear StepdadChad,
This is confusing--I am trying to sort it out--do you have a court order for child support--or one that says there is no support--that says you need to start. You also need to have in your court order the visitation schedule and also who has custody. Next, you said your ex-wife is expecting--whose child is it? As for the contempt stuff, if there isn't anything in writing that specifies where you children can reside, if they're visiting their grandparents with your permission, that should be fine. She's out of her league with that stuff. She's just looking for money. I wouldn't go back for more mediation, that is an absolute waste of money. My husband tried that with his ex, and then we tried family mediation, what a crock! If you are the father of the newborn, and a paternity is done, with the DNA--well, congratulations--you will be and are a new daddy. You need to get the paternity test done. If you don't have all these issues sort out with the correct support orders, custody orders, and documents, you need to get an attorney. Hope that helps.
Good luck.
Sweetie

Stepdadchad's picture

Submitted by Stepdadchad on Mon, 06/12/2006 - 12:46pm

We have a mediation agreement that states childcare & medical expenses paid in leu of support.

Visitation schedule & cusotody in court order. This was a special case she agree to since my family was in town.

Exwife just had her child - with her husband (it's sooo not mine. that's just gross now).

Everything on our agreement was mediated, including the clause that says all future disagreements must be mediated first. So far, that's worked alright for me, so I won't knock it.

I'm just wondering how much I can use her new spouse's income, her earning's potential (she's underemployed currnety- can't keep a job), her mom's contributtions to her/the kids budget and her money problems in court, if it comes to that. I want status quo, and she wants money to pay for her new baby and spending problems.

Nise's picture

Submitted by Nise on Mon, 06/12/2006 - 1:18pm

I don't know where you live but in Ohio...none of those things are a factor...In OH there is a worksheet and a formula there is very straight forward. Her husbands income will not be a factor. They will ask what each of you are earing and have earned for the last 6monts-1year via check stubs and tax forms, they will ask about child care and the parent who pays will get "credit" for that, they will also give credit for other child support that is paid (though child support received is not added as income "go figure!) as well as local taxes that are paid. You will also get credit if you have other children living in your home...things of that nature. Then they tally up how much money is "available" for the child's support and what percentage of that each parent contributes based on the combined income of the mother and father and assign each parent roughly the same percentage of the support (i.e. 75%, 25%) that they earn of the total...

Stepdadchad's picture

Submitted by Stepdadchad on Mon, 06/12/2006 - 1:30pm

I live in KY. When we came to the current arrangement, they used something like that formula to figure out that I was paying equivilent to what I would be paying.

Is there anywhere on the net where I can get that formula or even a generic one that could give me a ballpark? Both of us now have other kids living in the household, but mine is a step-child, so I don't know if that evens out. It doesn't make sense to me that I should have to pay more because she breeds more.

Stepdadchad's picture

Submitted by Stepdadchad on Tue, 06/13/2006 - 8:23am

I followed that link (which I've been trying to find for a long time, thanks!) and it actually turns out that I am over-paying, since now she has another kid and the children's cost of health insurance is zero (the other kid dictates family coverage, as I see it). Therefore, what I pay in child care, is more than what I would pay if we did everything "by the book." Of course, that would mean she'd have to pay half of child care and with her track record of bad financial management, we know THAT won't happen.

Now I actually want mediation, partly so she will understand I am paying and will continue to pay MORE than my fair share, but mostly to change our schedule and spell out details of our custody agreement.

Thanks guys for your help