I'm pretty new as well, but have definitely gotten some mileage out of this site already! We don't have custody of my SD or SS, but I can sympathize with the frustration you must be feelings. My husband's ex is currently keeping the kids from him (still fighting in court, UGH) and sometimes I think that it would be easier if we just had custody of them, but alot of the time I think of how much more access to our lives it would give their mother. It's hard because no matter how awful their mother is and how much you love them, she's always their bio mom and it seems it's ingrained in us to keep taking what they dish out as they are our "Mom". Keep posting!!

Vent away!!

I too am a custodial stepmom and it is very hard to let the biomom flex her muscles and be more involved. Especially when you have been doing a good job with the kids all along when biomom couldn't/wouldn't do it!!! You're right, though. She will always be their mom and you will always be their stepmom. Just keep putting up with it for the kids. Hopefully they realize how much you do for them and who has been there for them.

Dawn

Wow........I'm so glad I literally stumbled across this sight. Never have I blogged before, but glad to now have a place to vent some feelings and hope for some insight.

I am a custodial stepmom and have been for just over a year. It's been a good year in many respects, but an extremely tough one as well. I think if I had any idea it would be this tough.......I'd have second thoughts! Anyway, here's the scenerio. I have two kids which I have custody of. Daughter 13, son 8. He has 3 who he has custody of. Son 23, daughter 13 (6 months younger than mine) and daughter 11. biomom lives out of state. There are two issues right now.

1. Bedrooms. When we were first married, the two then 12 year olds shared a room. Problems! It was my husbands idea. I thought we should leave rooms the same as they were before we were married. His two daughters shared, mine had her own. Just kind of ease into things. The sharing room thing didn't work. Now it's as it was. My husband thinks it's unfair. Any experiences with what worked for anyone here?

2. Alone time with my kids. My husband has all kind of it with his kids. The biomom rarely see's them. My ex lives close by. We have an ammicable relationship. My kids see their dad every other weekend and some evenings. I feel like I need alone time with my kids, and I really miss it....bad! If I try to take it, there are those who are resentful. I'm not sure how resentful the sk's are, but my husband usually voices his opinion. I explained the situation to him as I just have you, but I have guilty feelings if I try to take alone time with my kids. And if I do anything "fun" with them, I'm asked by sk's and husband why I didn't include them. Any ideas?

Thanks!!!

Mindy44…that is a tough one b/c I see both sides…your side seems to be that you didn’t want to rock the boat too much his two girls were already sharing so why switch it…his side was it probably feels like they have “second class” status in the house b/c all of the girls are about the same age and your daughter (and son I’m assuming) have their own rooms and the other girls have to share…if they all live there full time, I could see why this may be an issue (or at least appear to be)…I’m sure the girls here who’ve had similar experiences will have some great ideas regarding that one…my sgirls are still young (5 & 6), we don’t have custody or bio kids…when we do, (I want a little boy) I’m sure the baby will have his own room b/c that is where he will live full time vs. their living b/w our house and their moms….

Thank you so much for your input. You're right. My husband does feel like his kids have "second class" status. My oldest SD even wrote an awful letter to her brother about the way my BD kept her half of the room. When she has shared with her BS, and now does share, she never says a thing. To her, that's just the way it is. And the 11 year old keeps an extremely messy side of the room. It just seemed that the 2 now 13 year olds are more critical of each other than they are to their Bsiblings. I'm still not quite sure what to do, but I'll see what kind of opinions I'll get here. Thanks!

It may be hard to figure out here, but is the BM coming back with some kind of hidden agenda, or is she finally growing up? If it's the first case you need to be on your guard while keeping your cool. But if she's finally becoming an adult (sort of) and being responsible, that's a good sign even if it's frustrating. Try to be the classy, reasonable, smart person that you are while you sort all this out. Meanwhile keep being the great mom that you already are to these two kids: you're the one who's paid the dues and done the parenting. Nobody (including BM) can take that away from you!