Things are going to get heated
My BF's ex-wife has had a history of causing problems for my BF. She tends to use their son as a reason to contact my BF for the most ridiculous reasons. They have been separated for the last four years and divorced for the last two. However, she constantly initiates contact with him and tries to provoke arguments about random things (which seems to be an attention-seeking behavior on her part). The frequency of her behaviors have escalated since I moved here about two months ago.
Her most recent charade has was with taking their son to bowling. There is an informal written agreement that was made between the two of them that all extracurricular activites would be taken care of by the person who wants their son to be in the activity, including transporation to and from the activity. She e-mailed him saying that she signed him up. Then a few days later, she sent another e-mail asking him if he was going to take their son to bowling on the weeks he was with him. My BF responded simply to follow the agreement regarding extracurricular activities. The next day, she responded back with demands that my BF has to take him to the activity and that she will not pick up his slack. My BF completely ignored her charade to get him into a confrontation about the issue. When bowling day came (which was yesterday) she did not show up to take their son to bowling. So when my BF came home from work, he talked to his son about the bowling issue and said that his mother is responsible for taking him to that activity. His son asked if he could call his mother and proceeded to do so. My BF's ex-wife basically screamed at their son about how dare he (their son) blame her for him not going to bowling. She seems to be very emotionally unstable to say the least.
(My son and my BF's son go to the same school) Today is the day that my BF's son goes from our home to his mother's and remains with her for a week (it is joint physical custody). My son told me that he saw my BF's son get picked up by his mother and she started screaming at him in the school parking lot. My son said that he could hear her saying how dare your father blame me for you not going to bowling.... That is all that my son could make out, but he said that she was screaming and everyone could hear her.
This incident will probably provoke her to send another nasty e-mail. This time I think my BF will be ignoring her. That is his new tactic.
Things are really going to get heated in the next month or so...my BF's son told my BF last night that he is not happy at his mother's house. She met a guy (who has a son)less than a year ago and has married the guy a couple of months ago. And is now pregnant. He told my BF that he wants to be here more and be with his mother less. We are going to get him a guardian ad litem to proceed with what he wants to do. We don't want it to become a custody battle but knowing her, she will think that my BF put their son up to it. Any thoughts on how to proceed with this situation?
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Kim, I can only speak from
Kim, I can only speak from my own experience. Whether you and your BF want to or not, you will more than likely have a battle on your hands.
There was a time when my BF's daughter asked if she could come live with him, and his ex-GF went after his daughter. She filled her with so much guilt, that she just gave up on the idea.
My advice is to proceed with caution.
Thanks for the advice
During the conversation that we had with my BF's son regarding him wanting to spend more time with us vs. his mother, he told us that he wanted to tell his mother of his wishes. We asked him why he was so eager to tell her and he said that he wanted to see how she would react to the news. The only advice we gave him is that she will not take it well and will believe that my BF put him up to it. Also, we told him that she will probably make him feel very guilty about wanting to be with her less. We told him to take the week his is with his mother (this coming week) to think about whether he is ready for this challenge of going to court and dealing with his mother's reaction to everything. Also, we let him know that he may be treated a little different by everyone in their household. We talked about the positives and negatives of the whole situation and are letting him take it all in and when we get him back in a week, we will be talking about it again.
***Kim***
I might be reading too much
I might be reading too much into this or maybe I just didn't really understand what you were trying to say, but a flag went up when I read in your post...
he told us that he wanted to tell his mother of his wishes. We asked him why he was so eager to tell her and he said that he wanted to see how she would react to the news.
Could it be that what he really wants is to give BM a little wake up call? Does she have any other children?
I think I would suggest to your BF that he do a little more probing, so he can determine the real motivation.
Wow!! I can't believe she wants to
punish her own son like that. What the tragedy here for me is, she is trying to force your bf into doing something he doesn't want to do, and when she isn't successful, she humiliates her own son for it. My heart just wrenches for this poor child.
I would put your ss into counseling and let him express himself to a counselor. That way, if he tells the counselor some vital information, the counselor can make a suggestion to the courts, which might weigh in your favor, and that way you can have that information w/o annoucning to the bm that you are seeking full custody. My ss told us bm's bf was selling drugs in front of him, but our attorney said "bm can tell a judge that child is lying, and then she can take him back and win custody." Just understand...in a lot of States..bm's get custody not b/c they are good moms' but b/c they are mom's. Another thing I have been told by our attorney is.."the courts understand that a lot of mom's are bad mothers, but they feel that it is more detrimental to the child to uproot the child and place the child with dad's, then it would be to just leave the child with the mom's in the bad situation." I personally think this last comment is total bullshit, but...I do believe that the courts follow this theory. I think it is their way of being lazy...
My BF's ex-wife has a
My BF's ex-wife has a history of making up her own rules about what my BF is supposed to do as a dad. She has a twisted view on the whole divorce. The bowling issue is only the tip of the ice berg.
She has major boundary issues and has tried to come onto our property three times in the last two months for ridiculous reasons (my BF and I just bought a house together and I moved to his state two months ago). So far, she hasn't just showed up at our house but I wouldn't put it past her. One thing she has done is she approached my son (whom she doesn't know at all) and tried to get him to go with her and my BF's son to the skate park. She is one scary bitch I tell you. I prepared my son prior to this inicident on how to deal with the situation if she tries to talk to him (I knew she would try to do that). But she still got to him and I feel that my son is very vulnerable to her because she approached him at school. I know I went way off topic but the drama with my BF's ex-wife is so extensive it seems to be consuming a huge chunk of our lives. UGH!!!!! ***Kim***
That is crazy!!
Is it time for a restraining order?
Yeah, the part about decided what kind of dad he get's to be now..it's a little late...you see.. that is done in the selection process, before conception. You get what you get...
I think your bf is smart by not playing by her rules, b/c eventually she will quite tryin to rule your guy's life. It might take 10 years for her to get it.
Okay, my dh is bitching at me to get ready...so I have get off the site...goosshh!!!
Check statutes in your state
Check the statutes in your state. I don't know where you live, but in Texas, check the website for Texas Family Code . It may not be necessary to pursue the legal avenue after SS notifies Mommy Dearest of his plans. She may straighten out in a big way really quickly.
Either way, Good luck!!
Tootsie