Fantasy World....Oh No, The Wicked Witch has Appeared!
I guess the fairytale is over...well at least the part about the BM being indifferent. I guess I'll have to backtrack to give a little history. I met my DH where we both work about 3 years ago which SS at the time was 8 years old (50/50 joint custody every other week). Though SS needed some structure in his life, he is the sweetest & loving boy any SM could want. Throughout 2 yrs of dating/living-together, I never heard a word from BM. She was very indifferent to me, DH, & never even asked SS about me. 2 weeks before the wedding she calls up saying "I know your little secret about getting married & I'm fine with that!" We didn't keep it a secret..she just never wanted to hear anything from us (i.e. give the phone immediately to SS). Since then it's been one little saga after another. Before our marriage, she would share school forms, info, let us take him to lunch on an afternoon of her week, etc. Now she won't share anything, won't let us take him to church on "Her Sunday", & refuses to come pick up anything that SS needs (medicine, school work left, etc) She talks horrible about DH in front of SS & we never say anything about her (even though she is a ditsy redneck). She's the one that left! Why does DH have to be the one to suffer! I just wish she'd disappear!
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I was going to say the same thing!
She is jealous that he has moved on and is happy. She will probably stay this way until she has her own BF or remarries. Unfortunately.
It sounds like this BM has
It sounds like this BM has some insecurity issues. Since getting married means you officially become the SM, she probably has an inferiority complex. Maybe she knows that you are a better mother-figure to SS than she is. So ultimately, like the others have posted, she is purely jealous. Also, getting married symbolizes a more permanant bond between you and your partner. She was probably in denial about it working out between the two of you and the marriage basically proved her wrong. She doesn't want her ex to be happy and since he is (with you), she will do anything in her power to change that. The sad thing is that the person it hurts the most is your SS.
***Kim***
Ah, so it begins!
Sounds like my situation. She was fine until we got married, then all hell broke loose. It wasn't really a matter of jealousy, I don't think. In our case, the ex just didn't like it that he was no longer at her beck and call. Even though she'd remarried first, she didn't like it that she no longer had him as her "back-up plan" if her life didn't turn out the way she wanted.
~ Anne ~
Wow Anne, you are writing my life!
My BF and I are not married yet, but we have bought a house together which shows permanency. Even though the X is the one that left the marriage and has remarried, she enjoyed having my BF at her beck and call. She would call my BF whenever she had any sort of problem. One instance her battery in her car was acting up and she calls him for help and brings the car over to have him look at it. Another time she was having a hard time setting up voice mail or something at her office phone. Who does she call? My BF. HELLO!! You are remarried and have a husband to call when you need something. I, like Anne, think she kept my BF stringing along "just in case". Once he and I got serious in our relationship I put a stop to all this nonsense and she did not like it at all. It has been a struggle with her ever since.
This is my life
Dee...we are living the same life. Your story is a replication of mine. My BF and I just bought a house together as well. Since we've become more serious, I too have put a stop to the crap that she would try to pull. The ex got remarried recently and has been trying to still contact my BF for the most stupid reasons. He and I are on the same page with how to handle her and it works out perfectly for us. It didn't at first and we used to get into arguments but as time passed, he totally saw through all her BS and motives. ***Kim***
On one hand
... the whole "back up plan" - putting the x on the back burner seems so ridiculous considering they were the ones that left the relationship, etc. However, I have a very close girlfriend who does just this. She is remarried and both of her prior husband's didn't remarry for some time. One of her ex's she still had a close connection to and went out with him at times, depended on him still. When she heard he was engaged to be married, she actually became very upset about it. She acknowledged it was because he was her "back up plan" and felt he wouldn't be available to her in the future "just in case".... I'm not even sure what to say about that.. other than, I guess there are women who do this.
It's all about Control!
It sounds like a lot of us are in the same boat. In the back of my mind I think I knew she would do something like this and I even gave her the benefit of the doubt. But my husband was right, the X hates it when she's not in-control of everything! For example, when she left him ("If you won't lose weight, I'm leaving..you cramp my style") She went & bought a house & was all happy when she came to pick up SS. As soon as he told her that he was going to file for divorce since she hadn't in the 2 yrs they were seperated & she evidently wasn't coming back since she bought another house..all of a sudden she wasn't smiling and happy anymore.
(superficial b**ch)
You guys have definitely help me figure out it's her, not me..
Oh and another thing..I bet she really hates that MY husband has lost 120+ pounds since he's met me & she's gained about 80 lbs since the divorce 8 years ago
I love it!
My husbands ex was always on him about his weight & would then cook all sorts of hi fat food. My big thing for him was that his cholesteral was 240 & we needed to get it down. He's a bigger guy but as long as he is healthy that is all that matters. We got it down to 190! I have always struggled with my weight & am up at this point after my miscarriage & surgery this spring. ( but I am still way hotter than his skinny, manly ex wife
)I know that nagging and negativity are never good. I pack him a healthy lunch each day & make sure he takes his meds and always tell him how handsome I find him.
I don't get it. The only person I can & should be in control of is me. What is wrong with these women?!
I hear ya
Sounds alot like i have been through and trust me it is rare that an ex doesnt stick their nose where it doesnt belong.All you have to do is be strong and dont let this person get the best of you it is very hard i know but things will hopefully get better for you both.Just remember that you are your husbands wife that is how i get through moments when it comes to ex or issues with stepchildren you are the one crating the happy enviorment for your family and it will showw as kids get older and understand that you were the one with love in your heart.
My first post
This is my first posting, and I am finding so much help in this site. My husband and I have been married for 4 months, and we dated 3 years before we got married. My SD is now 6 years old. The BM has always caused me trouble, from slashing my tires, to calling me at work. We even went away to another country to get married, because of her. She doesn't have a job and lives at home with her parents and her other kids, which are not by my husband. As soon as we got married she filed a protective order against me so that I can't be around my SD, whom has been in my life for almost 4 years now. I have been to court three times over this. She is claiming that she fears for her daughter's life. The bottom line is that my SD loves coming to our house. I miss my SD, and my marriage is suffering, because my husband can only see his daughter outside of our home, or without me. I am glad to know that it is not my problem, that I can't control her actions, I can only control how I respond to her actions, and someday my SD will see that I am handling this with class. The only problem is that I don't know if I can put up with this for the rest of my life, I love my husband dearly, but he too gives into the BM's wicked ways!!!
Jo
Been there, too!
I haven't had it quite that bad, but we have been turned down for visitation a zillion times because the kids are "afraid of" me and because I supposedly hit them, talk ugly to them, etc. Right. The funny thing is that, knowing what a psycho the ex is, I told my husband when I married him that I would NEVER be alone with his other kids. PERIOD. So all the false accusations fell on deaf ears, since my husband knew nothing had never happened as he was always with me when I was with the kids. I have never had a problem with my stepchildren, until they started approaching those dreadful teenage years, and they would actually tell their mother that I'm a better cook, more fun to be with, etc. That was the real reason she made waves, because even though she's their mother and they love her, they like me better because I pay attention to them. Why don't they see that trying to make US look bad really just makes THEM look bad?!
~ Anne ~
You are not alone josephine
Trust me i know what you are going through i could sit here and type forever about what my husbands ex has done to me.She has phisically came after me in front of my 2 stepkids and my bio son.She has even told my son that i was a s...!My sd lived with us for 2 years and decided to live with her mom for this year and now when she calls our house to say goodnight i am not allowed to talk with her because her mom is in the backround screaming so i refuse to let her listen to that and i am being the stronger person by not giving in to her problems.You said that you have been to court about this have you told the judge what she has been doing to you?If i were you i would keep a journal of everthing she does it could come in handy one day and also you could go get a childs lawyer and go for custody because it does not sound like she is stable.Judges do not always favor the mother i know this only because we had a women judge and when we were going to court the judge seen right through my husbands ex and she knew things that were going on and told my husbands ex that she needs to get on with her own life and leave us alone.I would go speak to somebody in the legal system about what has been going on and i would keep trying until someone is willing to help me.I would fight till my last breath to keep my family together you deserve happiness as well so take care of your self and be a strong women.