This is really sad...
So this guy that's been talking to me online for about a year now is pretty obviously BF's ex. I'm not going to go into every detail of how I know that he's really her, but just suffice to say that it was pretty obvious from the beginning and has only become more obvious as time goes on. I feel like she has forced me into the position of talking to this "stranger" who I have never met in person for such a prolonged time because I couldn't just stop talking to him altogether for no reason in good conscience if he weren't her, but I honestly can't convince her that I know the two of them are one and the same. Regardless of how much proof that I have or how many times she slips up, she still maintains the lie that they're not the same person.
Well, the other day this guy gave me his cell phone number and asked me to call him... Of course I didn't, because BM doesn't have my # and I don't ever want her to. After very little investigation I found out that the number "he" gave me is really registered to BM. After all the proof that I already have, now I find this out. I still haven't called the number and "he" is starting to get antsy about it.
I just can't believe that she went and set up a cellphone number and bought a new phone just to try to get me to call her. I don't know what to do. I want this stupid charade to end. I don't want to call the phone number. I don't want to continue talking to this fake person. I wish there were some way that I could just get her to stop. She's kept it up for so long and through so many very huge slip-ups that it's pretty sad that she's continuing to try to maintain the lie thinking that I believe her. She must think that I'm pretty gullible or naive (read: stupid) to continue to believe that this person is real after all of the things that I've encountered that prove otherwise.
What should I do?
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"Block Sender" ....he/she's
"Block Sender" ....he/she's done, its over.
Why is she communicating with you like this?
Is she trying to set you up with your hubby? Does he know about this charade?
She's not going to turn around and say to him.....look, she's calling other men she's met on the internet.
And why do you continue to communicate with her this way?
You can just end it..block her e-mail..don't call her....
I think that's the best way to go......
I would make sure hubby knows about all of this...so she can't cause trouble for you in your relationship down the road.....
She sounds totally obsessed..consummed with you and you business.
That's a two way street.....you know it takes two to tango, and your encouraging this behaviour......Why do you continue partake in this B.S....and play the games with her...
You guys have to get out of "each others heads"..on move on.
She's dangerously obsessed.....stalker kinda chick!!!
It needs to stop, ASAP....
She is a nut case
She seems very obsessed with your life i would stop it now to because it seems like she wants to ruin things between you and your hubby and if she is taking the time to carry on this charade then who knows what she will do next.
Wow,,
I have the same questions that lovin-life has.. Have you told your BF about this and this he/she being her? I would take everything to him and talk to him and let him know. Especially since you have had this feeling all along that it is her.. Wow that is really weird..
I would be a little freaked out.. Its almost like she is stalking you, if you think about it..
Dunno what to tell you.. Have your BF call the number? (after you tell him everything..)
My only question...
...is how on earth you ever got started communicating with "him" anyway. She'll continue as long as she has an audience. Take away her audience and your problem is solved. She's probably setting you up, trying to obtain proof to show your hubby that you're "cheating" on him online. I hope he knows all about this.
~ Anne ~
I'm with the others on this one
I can't figure out why on earth you would take up a friendship with another male, via email or any other way, and once you figured out who it was, i don't understand why you continued talking to her. I am totally confused. She can only continue the game if she has a willing participant. Why in the world would you knowingly put yourself in such a position? You can end this craziness anytime you want to.
RE:
In response to everyone's comments and questions:
How we got into contact with each other-
This "person" that she's pretending to be contacted me randomly on the internet claiming to want to be my friend. They wanted access to my private journal entries so that they could read them. This was my first clue that this was actually her.
Why I continue to speak to "him" now-
This honestly makes no sense on my part. I feel like me cutting off communication abruptly would make things worse. I have stopped talking to this fake person before and she decided to email me herself telling me that "he" was very hurt and confused about why I wasn't talking to him anymore.
Freaky, stalker-ish behaviour-
She IS stalking me. She's payed lots of money to try to track down my information. She's trailed me through town in her car. She's taken pictures of me entering and leaving my home. She's done endless other weird psycho things that I haven't written about here.
Does my BF know-
Yes, he knows. I've told him everything since day 1. I even told him about her giving me the phone number and the fact that it's registered to her. He told me to call it from a pay phone or *67 it so that she wouldn't know where I was calling from.
Has she ever mentioned it to my BF-
Yes, she has, once. In one email a couple of weeks ago she said that I was anxious to meet this person, but that's the only time she's brought it up to him.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
i was typing while you were posting lol
You are playing with fire. If you truly believe she is a stalker, why fuel her fire? NO CONTACT is the ONLY way to get away from people like her. You are actually not only enabling her, you are encouraging her.
RE:
I don't see how it is insane to try to do what will cause the least amount of disturbance and problems. Are you saying that I shouldn't worry about the consequences of not responding to her and just cut it off? I don't give this fake person any details about myself at all. The usual scope of our communication is "hey how are you feeling? I hope you have a nice day." and that's it. I do not discuss my personal life with them, and ask no questions about theirs. I do not discuss my BF or his ex with them. It's not every day that messages are sent between us. I do not engage myself in hours of conversation with this person. Judging by her past actions it has caused less problems just to give this fake person emotionally detached and distant responses than to ignore them altogether. If I cut her off she will only find another way to harrass me, and I am afraid to find out what that will be. Call me crazy but the only reason I'm putting up with this is for fear of what will come if I don't. I am not "obsessed" with her, I fear her and her insanity. I guess my question is, should I continue to "keep her in check" by responding to this persons messages, or ignore them and not worry about what worse harrassment might come as a result?
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
I think you have to cut all
I think you have to cut all communication with him/her, because that is only feeding into this person's sick need to insert herself into your life. Tell her in a registered letter that she has to sign for that you do not want her to ever contact you again in any way, shape or form and that if she does, you will prosecute her for harrassment and stalking. If she keeps bothering you after that, then get a restraining order. If she breaks the restraining order, then press charges. I really think the way to end this is to just stop communicating with him/her. I've said before that if you take away their audience, then you take away their power.
~ Anne ~
So basically you are living this lie out of fear?
You have to address only your response to her behaviour...that is all that you can control. Right now, she is in control because you are doing what you feel she wants or needs you to do. Time wasted. Discontinue the charade and deal with her in real life...however that may look or continue the charade...the choice is yours. But then who is playing a game...both of you...to what end?!
Are you seriously going to continue to play
her games out of fear? Do you realize that you are forcing yourself to do ridiculous things because you are afraid of her? Take some martial arts classes, carry some mace, take necessary measures to document and report the behaviors to the police, and live your normal life without participating in her games.
If she scares you into this, what is next? Are you really going to base your life to play all her games b/c you are afraid of what is next? Is she capable of harming you physically? If so, then you need to take measures to protect yourself, and totally cut her off!
I am with you on this one, biomom.
Whose needs are being met in this communication and why?!
I understand b/c I had a stalker once
I am new to this site but since I have had a male stalker I will tell you this... YOU ARE RIGHT. I communicated with him thinking that I could in some way let him know that I am a good person and didn't deserve his treatment. But this went on for too long and when I couldn't give him the attention, things GOT WORSE. He started to take more drastic measures to get my attention.
Keep communicating with her but always, always, always verbalize and write that you are afraid for your life. Do not tell her that you are going to keep track of these messages. Keep every email, text message and reply to her etc and try to make sure they have dates on them. If you have proof the number is hers, stick it all in the same box. When you get the courage, which you will, get a domestic violence restraining order (take the box with you) and in that order document every day, every time.They might issue you a temp restraining order. During this time, if she email, calls you, or blows kisses at you, you go to the police station and file a police report. Then you go to a magistrate and file criminal charges for her violating the restraining order... they will either issue a warrant for her arrest or give her a court date. If you ever have to go before a judge to get a permanent dvro or for her violation, make sure your BF goes with you and if you have any other witnesses take them too. Do not go by yourself b/c if it's her word against yours, the judge must give her the benefit of the doubt... trust me I learned that the hard way.
Trust me she will hate you... but you have to "not care"... she already hates you anyway so you have nothing to lose except her craziness.
LB
RE:
Thank you so much for your advice and understanding.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Whoa!
Crazy stalker for sure. I would take this seriously and cut all contact and cease use of any web blogs, etc. that she may be aware of.
But on a fun note, if it doesn't seem too crazy after all you could have A LOT of fun with her. Have "him" meet you here and there and never show up. OR surveil the place and see what she had in mind. Maybe she's put a hit on you (not fun!). Send "him" on a wild goose chase. Or videotape catching her as evidence for a restraining order (or murder trial).
I've always wanted the BM to reach out to me, set up a wonderful "let's be friends" luncheon, not show up and then have the waiter give her a "go F yourself" note. (I've given several olive branches for the sake of the kids only to learn that we all lose because of her behavior so we have practically no contact now for everyone's sake).
Seriously, though, I'd cut it cold turkey and watch over my shoulder. She's a nut case.