SS is a little younger, but when me and BF first got together Ss use to act the same way. I always tried to stand back some when Ss's where here--making sure they got cuddle time with dad--never did I interupt them when they were sitting together etc. However I started to notice that everytime me and Bf would embrace, kiss, cuddle up together Ss would come up and suddenly need dad's undivided attention.

He was subtle at first--it would just be I need help with this or that. THen it progressed to him actually saying "I want to cuddle with you alone." Bf would offer to let him cuddle with us both--but that wasn't exceptable and Ss would then start crying/whinning/begging for dad's undivided attention.

I realized it was a jealousy thing and I have to admit even knowing that I did not think it was right for BF to succomb to this jealousy issue. I felt he should talk with Ss--it wasn't like he never paid any attention to him--it was just Ss didn't want to share Period.

It got to the point where one time I was laying with Bf on the couch and SS came up and demanded that I get up "I want to lay with my Dad NOW." He had been happily playing his game boy up until he noticed I was with BF. I calmly pointed out to BF later that Ss was having some jealousy issues--BF laughed but later started seeing that it was a problem. Now When we finally get around to some cuddle time and SS does that he tells him "We will hang out in a little while--I'm spending time with SM right now. You go back to your project." After a few months of this and a little crying and stuff SS seems to understand that he isn't always going to be the center of attention and doesn't do it nearly as much.

I don't think you are being petty. It bothered me that SS did this and even seeing it from his point of view--I realized that it is not okay to "feed" a person's jealousy--it's better to show them that their actions are not going to force you away from BF/husband--because in truth that is what SD is probably trying to do--push the two of you apart and if you give in she'll continue to have this problem and continue to act out. My BF always made sure to spend some cuddle time with his kids when they are here--way more time then we ever find for each other--so if your husband is giving Sd plenty of attention and it is just jealousy on her part I would have Husband start saying something--nicely, but to the point.

I hope that helped.

My SD does exactly the same thing and it irritates me no end! I have tried the various things you mentioned to no avail. A lot of the time now I make sure I set my place away from my husband so I don't sit near him at all when his daughter is around. Or, I feed the kids early and have dinner with my husband alone. If we are talking and she interrupts, I find an excuse to go into another room to leave the two lovebirds to it! Believe me, your husband will get the message. And if he doesn't, well then you don't have to set yourself up to witness it.

from your own marriage. I went through this with teen SD in early marriiage. I encouraged my husband to spend alone time with her because I knew she was jelous of the attention he paid me. I found that no amount of appeasement satisfied her. She wanted me out of the picture and nothing else would do.

So, I stood my ground for my place in my home. SD retailiated through gossip and allegations. She made of horrible lies and got some of my in laws convinced it was a Cinderalla story. Her chores amounted to doing the dishes twice a month at her Fathers orders, not mine. She has moved out now, but I know she will never forgive me for the fact that she couldn't break up my marriage. I think she saw it as a me or her situation, but since she preferred drugs to counseling there is not much I can do for her until she wants to do for herself.

Now when my younger SD and SS come over they get to see an example of a healthy marriage. They were both very young when the divorces occured, so husband and I are it unless BM's get remarried. If I had excused myself from my part in the family I would be stuck in that role.

I read somewhere that when skids do that sort of separating that they know what they are doing and it should not be accomodated. It is appropriate for kids to have time with just Dad, but I don't think I am obligated to sit on the sidelines of my own marriage.

I don't know about your household, but if I gave into the every desire of the skids they would eat nothing but junk food, stay up until 3 am watching TV, have unsanitary habits, and destroy the house.

I may not be their Mom, but I am still the adult in the situation. Since I have a quarter of a century more life experience I sometimes get to make the executive decisions regarding my own household. Note I said sometimes. lol

Just my two cents.

Susanna

Not only did my skids do that but my BD and dog still do it. I believe it is called "cock blocking" :). Let me know if you find a cure.

Here is a bit of history-sorry for the lengthy post- (I am also Bio Mom to two grown young men) -we have JUNIOR (aka Mr. Sunshine)-NOW 16 years old-he is 6 feet tall, dark, full of acne and will not shower-and acts like Eeyore-the glass is always half empty-lazy, no initiative with the personality of a wet rag. Mr. Sunshine moves at the speed of a sloth and is certainly NOT burdened with the ravages of common sense. He is an introverted entirely spoiled entitled only child, sitting on a pity pot (Dad falls for it everytime!!)plays dumb-hardly goes out with teens his own age (I tried-Lord I tried to get him interested in extracurricular activities)Hopelessly WIERD-up until last year he still sucked his thumb and had a pillow in public!!! I was mortified!! "We just cannot get Junior to stop said his Bio parents"!! Are you kidding me!

We had him (and us) try counselling, no help there (apparently thumb sucking is akin to smoking-releases endorphines for self comforting blah blah blah) poor kid we should wipe his butt re his losses yada yada yada-am I the only one thinking "what crap"?

We have had him psychologically assessed and he is "normal" (just in case)-on the upside his marks are good and he is a quiet guy.

So evil me-addressed the problem-politely in public-Junior,at (then) 15, I think you are too old for thumb sucking and a pillow- from this moment on it is no longer OKAY behavior-period.

I get this from his bio parents:

"My, WE could NEVER GET Sunshine to stop, how did you do that?"!!!!

It is like people are afraid to really parent-walking on eggshells around these kids!

when I first met Junior-he at 13, he still was being "tucked in" by his dad, his meat was cut for him (surprised his father did not feed it to him), he ate with baby forks and spoons, he literally hung off his father from the moment I got there until the moment I left like some love starved puppy-quite frankly made me very uncomfortable-DH was playing Mommy and Daddy and not well!

I sat down with hubby before and after marriage and pointed out (when we were both in a calm state that this is not usual parent son behaviors at 13 years old (at least it wasn't with my own bio sons and their father and me).

I found after marriage things changed

When my SS was all over my husband and not giving me any room or time with him, I was resentful because he was infringing on our adult time and my DH was passive about it. As the adult, I fully understood that there are two love "banks" one for his son and one for me and you really don't have to choose-so we decided on adult time and SS time.
I knew our relationship was infringing on his time with his Dad, so we made the distinction. We both had to figure out how to share that time since we both felt that we had equal rights to it.

Hope this helps (BTW-if his Dad let him-SS would go back to being clingy baby in a nanosecond at 16!!!)-two more years till college, but who's counting!

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

Endora--you brought back a funny memory for me. The first time I met DH's 2 oldest daughters, they were 21 and 19. We were at a nice steak house, and when their meals were served both young women started whining and begging "Daddy" to cut up their meat for them--AND HE DID!!

I was appalled. At first I though they were joking and laughed, but as my DH sawed away at their plates and they glared at me, I realized that this was the way they all chose to behave.

I guess my point to H6 would be that kids will engage in the worst of behaviors if their parents let them. That relationship is between two people--parent and child--and if the kid is getting away with strange and controlling behavior, there's a coddling parent at the other end who is getting some benefit from the behavior as well.

Oh, if I had only heeded the warning that night at the steak house...