It's been a while and I really need to vent.....
I hope all is well with everyone and you survived the holidays! I've actually been pretty good up until this morning when I just want to sit and cry and scream and yell and its so d@mn upsetting to know that there isn't a d@mn thing I can do about it except to just throw in the towel and walk away. Okay so things have been going very well with BF and I've started to see that he really does love me and want me to be a part of his life and with his kids, etc. and just when I start to feel good about things the other foot drops, the BMonster! Man that women has more faces that Eve. I know that this is all my own insecurities and that I shouldn't let her bother me because " I have him (BF) and live with him".and "I have his love and heart" according to him...well then why doesn't she f@#kin' get a god d@mn life and leave him alone! I'm sick of all the texting and complaining when I breath wrong. She's been texting him "Good night" just about every god d@mn night ~ I mean really isn't that the stupidest thing to get pissed about, I feel so 5th grade but you know what its uncalled for. Say goodnight to your boyfriend!! And then this morning BF was in the shower and I heard his cell phone make a noise and just automatically I picked it up and opened it (not that I do that normally its just a phone thing) ~ sort of not realizing but then realizing as I was opening it ~ that it would be a text message and sure enough it was from her " GM hope you have a nice day or some sh!t like that" ! Again so stupid except that she was texting him for several hours last night. I know this is stupid, I'm better than this, I'm an adult I should be stronger than this. But I'm human and do not trust this woman at all!!!
Frankly I'm not even sure now if I trust him. I mean I'm beginning to think that he enjoys the attention, and in his warped mind thinks that if he's nice to her that he will continue to see the kids but that's a bunch of bullsh!t too we don't get them any more or less, we still have to ask her and she still says yes or no so it doesn't really matter, I don't care get a back bone and stand up to her. Or maybe I should just get a back bone and stand up to him. You know I wish I could be one of those woman for just one day who had the confidence and the power ...because I really feel that its power...to be able to put that aside and not let it bother me. Instead here I sit letting it consume me and feeling lonely and like a fool!
The few people I can talk to about this is about like two and they are his family and they say oh don't worry about that that ship has sailed and it won't happen again. But you know what that whole child bond is bigger than all of us and not for one second do I ignore that fact!!
In a perfect world I could sit down and say "honey you know I love you and I do trust that you love me, but I really would appreciate that this texting and calling stop! unless it is directly discussing the children!" ....sounds good but it would just end up in this big fight. What I'd really like to do is to text her and say cut the sh!t bitch! But really can't do that either. I mean if I could do it, I would word it much nicer 
One of these days I'm going to loose it and do it, I just know I am....
Well thank you for letting me vent I need to go and get my own life ..... have a great day everyone!
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Hi apd
Ok.. I have to say I agree 100%, but two can play her warped games. Your BF should be strong enough to tell her to stop texting him and all that.. But when she is texting him, does he respond? If he does not, tell him you want to start responding to the text. Yes I think all of us have a little *girl* if you will in us. She is seriously doing it to mess you with you.. But something needs to change..
When she wrote her text this morning, you should have responded back. Something to the effect of I know I will have a good day I have (your name) in my life.. Something like that.. I bet her text would have stopped.. Then I would have told him what you did.. He has to realize that for the sake of your relationship something has to change.. And at the same time you just need to realize that she will not go anywhere till his kids are older.. If you except that fact, maybe you will feel better. What she is doing is wrong totally. Because its interfering with your relationship and she knows this.. Trust me. You just need to tell him that reassurance is what you need.. Everyday, that way you will start to over come our insecurities. Once you accept that she is not going anywhere that is step number one.. Then you can begin to work on everything else...
Does any of that make sense..
happy
Hi happy
Yes you totally make sense, thank you for your response. Unfortunately he does respond, well sometimes he just reads them but usually he responds. His whole thing is that I need to watch his actions not hers, although if I said something he would get all upset!(Not rational) He would have a complete melt down if I responded to her email in that way, or at least I believe he would, he sort of runs hot and cold with her.
If it were a rational situation she/he would call and discuss the kids, make the plans for visitations, issues, health related appts, etc all dealing with the children ONLY. Not what her life problems are, how to set up her phone, have a nice day, good night, what are you doing now, what are you doing 5 minutes from now. Wow I'm sorry I'm in such a bad place today!
I do understand that she will not go away and you know what if the situation were normal I'd be more than happy to have to deal with her. I know what I need to accept is that I'm not dealing with rational people thats what always trips me up.
I would have loved to have responded with that response, man you are good!
Good to hear from you.
Except if you respond to his message...
He will be upset with you. I agree with your last few sentences...get a life for you. You are right...a part of him might be enjoying the attention and the indious battle between two women for his attention and loyalty. That certainly boosts his little ego while destroying yours. I would just get on with life. Let him know how you feel about the texting. She won't text if he doesn't respond. If he doesn't pay and heed to your feelings about the text, carry on with life and make sure that you do things to boost your self esteem. Don't get involve in the texting...don't get involved in the battle for his affection or attention...it is either there or it isn't. Don't subject yourself to that. If the phone rings again and I was present, I would be tempted to just shut if off.
It crosses the line...
Psychologically, he's crossing the line and condoning her behavior. He's not listening to you nor accepting your feelings. And I hate to say it, but you HAVE to speak up regardless of a fight. There is a time to pick and chose your battles, I'd make this one of mine if it were me... unacceptable in my book. You want me in your life, you have to nip her in the bud at the start because it's not about him and her anymore... it's you and him. Squeaky wheel is the one that gets the grease. And she's being a bigger squeaky wheel...
The reason she does it is because she knows that it bothers you. What I'm concerned with is that he condones it, enables her. They both seem to have some sort of emotional bond (not romantic, just there's this attachment to each other) in order for these two to keep moving forward with separate lives... he likes the attention, she craves the attachment. They obviously didn't have any closure with their relationship.
So, perhaps it's time that you start leaving him notes around the house, text him from your phone or via online, use emails, etc. It's time that you build a fire under his ass and he SEES you. Then, it's time to talk to him while he's in a fuzzy warm good mood that you created!
Just be simple and brief and say, look it bothers me. I feel misplaced, etc... stick to using words that emphasize how you feel and not confrontational. If he gets upset, it's because he's feeling reprimanded. You have to figure out the trigger words are there, and that takes some time to do. It's all in the verbiage and body language sometimes.
Good to hear from ya!
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
HELL NO!
Her text messaging is completely unacceptable adult ex-behavior!!!!!It is my opinion you have every right to be upset. I do understand how you feel with the whole wanting to say something to her. Alot of times I feel like BM is trying to 'mark' a territory that is no longer hers to mark!!! Sometimes BM says or does things that I want to react to in a big way, But like yours BF, I think mine too would have a melt down. BF feels that he has to tread lightly because he wants to keep his relationship with the girls.
Things got better with my situation when BM got a BF. But now she calls my BF to talk about her BF and get my BF's advice on her BF. I WANT TO PUKE but then I laugh. Thank God my BF does see the stupidity in it.
Seriously, talk to your BF. This is not right.
Hang in there.
Fights Can Be Good
DH and I have so many heated debates and discussions and it's healthy. Stepmom is right..gotta keep it in the "I" and the timing MUST be right for it to matter. Communication shuts down for us when 1) I try to tell him what he should do...and 2) when I accuse him of things like his enjoying being depended upon by her still, and so forth. You have to have the talk otherwise you'll have an ulcer and YOU are more important than that BB (boudaryless bich) ---
whose ass I wouldn't hesitate to kick if she texted my man "have a good day or night!