Yeah, I know what you mean when it comes to the weight issues.

I found out this past summer that SS's BM is anorexic. It put A LOT of things that I found unhealthy into perspective. So, I did take it upon myself to teach SS the value of getting a good healthy, BALANCED diet... PERIOD. If you're in my home, you will not eat that junk, and I only supply healthy food. His weight has stablized finally and we really really really focus on getting out of the house, playing sports, staying active and limited his tv/video/couch potato time down. It helps. The approach that I used was simple. I want our family to be healthy, therefore, everyone in the house eats healthy and is on the same menu.

Although, it is very difficult, because at first SS thought I was just being mean. His mother let him eat whatever he wanted. She felt guilty because she starved herself, and in turn, allowed the kids to just over eat. So, I started to combat it. Whenever SS asked for a snack, I'd say, sure... pick a fruit from the fruit basket. I threw out all the junky food, and literally only supplied the house with healthy options. Besides, my DH could stand to lose a few pounds too, so it worked out pretty well. I on the other hand am completely opposite my DH and actually do need some sugar and carbs in my diet because I'm hypoglycemic, so that got pretty hard to explain why I needed to eat small meals throughout the day. But, I just made him eat what I ate... yogurt, fruit, veggies. I also sat him down, we looked on line together, and I explained what my 'illness' was, did a little research, etc.

Today, he sometimes grumbles about having to eat fruit or veggies for a snack when you only provide him with those choices, and so, sometimes he'll just not bother eating anything at all, because he knows that at his mother's he can have those potato chips and eat the whole bag if he wants. But, he will admit that it's not healthy, he does feel better when he does eat right, and it's progress. We don't have to much resistance now because there isn't any options other than to eat healthy here. Oh, and I do go out of my way to make sure that the good healthy food does taste good too!

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

An 86-lb 6-year old is WAY off the charts! But I do agree with you - for any mention of it to come from you would make you sound like "The Wicked Stepmother." I'm not sure you could do anything about it anyway if you didn't have both parents on-board with you to begin with, and it doesn't sound like you do.

We don't drink a lot of soft drinks at our house to begin with and when SKs first began visiting after hubby and I got together a couple of years ago, they would always ask for cokes, pepsi, etc. I would just frown in a "confused" sort of way, and say, "That's not something we drink here... can I get you some water or juice instead?" They were completely boggled that we expected them to drink something as tasteless and mundane as "water" but they eventually got the message, and haven't even asked for it in the last year and a half or so. Plus, their behavior has improved significantly without the "sugar high."

We don't watch a lot of TV here either.... we go camping, hiking, canoeing, exploring and rock climbing, and because today was horribly windy in Texas - we flew kites. And of course, KickBall is our family's favorite game. Even I have been known to risk injury and slide into home plate for a point. But you should have seen the looks on THEIR faces!! And although our expeditions are reduced somewhat when they are with us, they are encouraged to "keep up" because who knows what is at the end of the trail.... maybe a horse to ride... or a firefly to catch..., or maybe a nice Bed and Breakfast and a cool "glass of water." We make it fun, and they have a blast.

With you only having her 2 days a month it will be hard to make any sort of an impact whatsoever, but I think every little bit counts. I would try to make sure that at least for those two days a month the house is stocked with healthy foods, there are no sodas in the fridge, and plenty of healthy snacks like fruit in plain sight. You don't have to come across as wicked to make a difference. You can do subtle things without coming out and saying it. No one's going to accuse you of calling SD fat if you make a healthier environment for her without mention of why. If SD asks why there are no junk food snacks, maybe you could tell her that you or DH are on a diet or are trying to be healthy so you just don't keep those types of foods in your house anymore. You might also try to plan fun family outings for the days that she is there that involve a little physical activity and not just sitting around the house. You could go to the park and walk around or swing on the swings, go shopping at a mall, go to a family fun center, all sorts of things.

Good luck...any sort of a positive impact you can make on this poor child's life sounds like it would be appreciated by her health. If her weight is not gotten under control she could have some serious issues down the road, and unfortunately they could come at a very young age for her if things are not changed soon...not just with heart disease, stroke, cholesterol, blood pressure, diabetes...but also mentally and emotionally. I could imagine she is probably already embarassed and ashamed of how much bigger she is than all of her friends.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

I just moved the treadmill into my kitchen...(I don't cook in there so I may as well use it for something else...LOL) Need to lose twenty if I ever want to have the energy to go hiking and all that stuff. (Right now I huff and puff by the time I reach the top on the subway stairs each day.)

Anyway I wanted to comment on Susanna's remark about showing the kids that a marriage can be happy even while keeping independence.
I agee that our daughter's especially need to witness that along with making sure they have self-esteem! I debated about changing my last name but decided to not do it at this time. I love my last name and kind of was making the same statement....We are a great couple together but are also individuals...I usually refer to us and Mr and Mrs and both our last names hyphenated. (It isn't our legal name though.)

I thought it odd that hubby expected me to change my name to his but wouldn't even entertain the thought of him changing his to mine for a millisecond! So therefore, I didn't do it. Maybe someday, for our tenth anniversary (If I make it -- LOL) I'll do it as a gift to him if it really matters but I don't know yet.

Good luck with your skids..You actually sound very healthy mentally because you are trying to take care of yourself first...None of us will be of any good use to our families if we neglect ourselves, physically and emotionally.

Your sd is not only overwieght but very unhealthy. Obesity is a rising problem in our youths today. I was an overweight child and let me tell you what a horrific childhood I had because of it. I would come home crying almost everyday. kids are cruel- we hate to say that but I experienced it all to well. I ended up going on a diet with the help of my mom and doctor and by 7th grade was of normal weight- got extremely involved in sports and stayed in normal weight since. I think you are right if you said something about it you would be evil- but you husband should accompany his daughter to the doctor-