Welcome to the site. I think that someone once said that if your husband/boyfriend has a child/children that you have to always be prepared for them to come live with you for one reason or another. In your case the child is 14, which is a difficult age to begin with. Then throw in the fact that you have a tiny baby to deal with......wow! I would be stressed too!
I think that you and your boyfriend are going to have to set some house rules. Discuss this with your boyfriend and then have a family meeting to hammer out the rules.
I can understand how you feel but in reality, your boyfriend is the one that is going to have to step up to the plate in this transition stage. He needs to start making you feel important again.
Oh, and by the way, I think that all 14 year old boys smell like BO. Maybe dad needs to have the hygiene talk with him as well!

Dawn

Sarah, I know just how you feel I felt so alone until I found this site and everyone here I don't know what I would do with out it. Hang in there and comunicate with you bf. I have an almost 11 yr old and he can be difficult so I can only imagine 14.

Congrats on the new baby

Crys

First: Take a deep breath, pull in your talons and relax (tequila helps).

Next, get your husband "on-board." You both need to set some ground rules - or "House Rules." At my house, we call it "THE LAW." (Polite families, wimpy-inexperienced psychologists and gay guys call it "Healthy Boundaries.")

You should start out talking to hubby in a relaxed atmosphere - (have a shot of tequila first). Ask hubby what rules HE would like to establish. He may be hesitant to interject ANY rule because he knows that at this point, his chances of screwing up are on north side of 99%. But if he can't think of any... prompt him into agreeing to a few that would be obvious to families WITHOUT teenagers ...like.... "Don't pick your nose at the supper table.... or ... "Never leave turds in the toilet.... or anywhere else"..... Surely he'll agree to a few of these..... continue to encourage him to add one of his own... (add a "rule" that is, not a "turd!").

Next, although I sympathize with you COMPLETELY and I TOTALLY understand how you would naturally feel resentful. Undoubtedly, the new "addition" to your household is only comparable to an invasion by an alien creature from some God-forsaken universe, the likes of which even brave and experienced science-fiction novelists attempt, yet never quite fully or accurately describe.

These parasitic sub-cellular lifeforms are called "Teenagers." Their survival requires a “host” (derivative of the word “hostage”) who is selected by default, from which there is seldom escape. I personally, would cut out my own ovaries with a butterknife before I'd do it again willingly. But being resentful isn't healthy for you and it's not contributing anything to the family, except promoting the need for "dad" to feel like he must defend "The Alien." Chill out. Relax. (have another shot of tequila) Once you change YOUR way of looking at things... you might discover that it's not so bad... (Ok, not GREAT... but it’s not so bad.) Every minute you spend upset is 60 seconds of happiness you'll never get back.

My personal experience is:

You can not entertain them. So don't try. Instead, let THEM entertain you. Although polite families, wimpy-inexperienced psychologists and gay guys would call this "Dysfunctional," I enjoy taking mine to play "Paint Ball." It's somewhat expensive, but well worth the money - and I get lots of pleasure from shooting at him and earn extra points for accuracy. Moreover, it's completely legal!! Whatever it costs, it's worth the money.

You can't please them, so don't try. Fortunately, they have an insatiable appetite, and will eat almost anything.... If you cooked fancy dishes before the invasion, by all means, continue if you want to. I always cook with wine... sometimes I even put it in the food!

Although painfully stupid, teenagers are VERY perceptive. They know when someone is upset or angry. They even know when the next-door neighbor's dog farts. And they know when they are the subject of intensity between parents and others whom they view as lower lifeforms. It is important to speak about them only when necessary and always in hushed voices.

Incredibly, these woefully ignorant creatures are unwaveringly convinced that THEY are intelligent and YOU are stupid. They will maintain this concept until they reproduce – hopefully after they’ve moved out. (You must remember to RELAX, did I mention that tequila helps?)

These beings are "VERY" forgetful. (Coats, backpacks, calling home when delayed, and most especially and consistently forgetful of "homework.") Your repeated reminders will be in vain. (In order to teach mine a lesson, we endeared him to a canoe trip down the Brazos River one weekend..... to which he grudgingly agreed. Of course it wasn't until after the canoe was launched and he had no escape that we revealed that we "forgot" to tell him HE had to do the rowing....) God, it was great! }:)

Paradoxically, these creatures, although woefully stupid, are very technologically advanced. At 13, they have detailed knowledge and experience on all aspects of car audio installation, including equipment, structural design and modification. Embarrassingly, they have their own webpages, complete with music, animated images… and…. I don’t even wanna think about it. In two years, he’ll probably be able to hack into government defense installations… I don’t wanna think about that either. But you get the picture.

Their concept of responsibility, accountability, consequences and ambition is non-existent, yet far beyond the reach of their sub-human micro-brain, they know exactly which car they will own in 8 years, which is certainly “light years” more advanced that yours, which is embarrassing to them.

Research continues and recent discoveries suggest that these lifeforms are alter-evolutionary, or, in the words of MY OWN MOTHER . . . . “Freak of Nature.”

Anyone for Paint Ball?

Oh, by the way, I'm sorry that I'm not able to provide advice on the loss of your "Sex Life." By the way, what's a "Sex Life?

Good luck!

Tootsie

"You gonna skin that smoke wagon, ‘er just stand there and bleed?"