To the ladies whose H's won't listen to you, who won't work with you, who totally treat you with disrespect... did you have any inkling that they were like that before you married them?
and supported me, even bragged about my accomplishments. I knew he didn't listen to his ex, but she is psycho, what I didn't know is that by default everything in the future would be my fault. It never use to be that way when we were dating. I think he knew once he married me, he didn't have to try as hard to keep me.
I'm sure there were subtle signs, but when you are in the midst of a huge court battle fighting for what is "right" for children, sometimes the overwhelming stress helps you overlook those signs.
At first it seemed the ex gf and I were on the same page, then as time went on and on I became less and less important. The ability of her kids to scream and yell and throw fits just overwhelmed "us."
Funny, she was the first to point out that my daughter didn't seem happy there but then didn't want to do anything to change it. I guess my daughter and I were the ones who were supposed to change and like it -- or leave. Which we did.
It has even been a shock to me lately - after 8 years. He always acted respectful and listened to what I had to say. Then I find out that he is so terrified of conflict - which in his mind is disagreement of any kind. Even saying you wanted soup instead of pizza - I mean really! Now that we are separated it is all coming out. Here, silly me thought we were making joint decisions - that's how he presented it - and now I find out that he has been thinking "why do we have to do everything you say?" The counselor said that is passive aggressive behavior. Now I feel completely disrespected and really pretty abandoned. What I wonder is how did I miss this? Maybe our eyes were wide shut when we met them.
As long as it didn't interfere in his life with his ex, son, or his opinions, now instead of arguing about things we just both shake our heads and walk away knowing in our heads that it won't get better and hoping in our hearts that we are wrong about that theory. As much as I love him I wonder if this is what "the rest of my life" is going to be like. I think it leaves us both pretty lonely and hurting.
Lisa Dawn
Comments
Mine use to listen to me...
and supported me, even bragged about my accomplishments. I knew he didn't listen to his ex, but she is psycho, what I didn't know is that by default everything in the future would be my fault. It never use to be that way when we were dating. I think he knew once he married me, he didn't have to try as hard to keep me.
I'm sure there were subtle signs, but when you are in the midst of a huge court battle fighting for what is "right" for children, sometimes the overwhelming stress helps you overlook those signs.
I will never beat myself up for trying....
Well.....
At first it seemed the ex gf and I were on the same page, then as time went on and on I became less and less important. The ability of her kids to scream and yell and throw fits just overwhelmed "us."
Funny, she was the first to point out that my daughter didn't seem happy there but then didn't want to do anything to change it. I guess my daughter and I were the ones who were supposed to change and like it -- or leave. Which we did.
Kevin
Absolutely Not
It has even been a shock to me lately - after 8 years. He always acted respectful and listened to what I had to say. Then I find out that he is so terrified of conflict - which in his mind is disagreement of any kind. Even saying you wanted soup instead of pizza - I mean really! Now that we are separated it is all coming out. Here, silly me thought we were making joint decisions - that's how he presented it - and now I find out that he has been thinking "why do we have to do everything you say?" The counselor said that is passive aggressive behavior. Now I feel completely disrespected and really pretty abandoned. What I wonder is how did I miss this? Maybe our eyes were wide shut when we met them.
mine listened and even advised and helped me
As long as it didn't interfere in his life with his ex, son, or his opinions, now instead of arguing about things we just both shake our heads and walk away knowing in our heads that it won't get better and hoping in our hearts that we are wrong about that theory. As much as I love him I wonder if this is what "the rest of my life" is going to be like. I think it leaves us both pretty lonely and hurting.
Lisa Dawn