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debiamia's picture

Submitted by debiamia on Tue, 01/08/2008 - 6:35pm

DH is away on business until Thursday night at midnight and SD16 is continuing to sulk, refuses to speak to either of us unless we initiate the conversation and then answers with "yes ","no" or "hhm". She goes to school for a half day and then sits in the bedroom I decorated (we just moved back to our home state in October with DH's new job)for my daughter when she is home from college.The room is trashed, she took down all of my daughter's awards, pictures,etc. and never cleans the room or makes the bed.

I know teenagers only think of themselves but she won't lift a finger to do anything to help. I was waiting the two weeks for the semester to end becauseshe and her mom decided she would go back with BM and attend alternative ed. high school. Last night DH informed me that he recieved an email from BM saying that she was not willing to take SD16 back if she fails any classes! Well we had told her that SD16 was not doing well, but the school would do anything to help her succeed if at all possible. BM refuses to take her back and the kid has 3 E's and a C-. SHe wants us to keep her and refuses to pay any child support!!!

DH is trying to concentrate on his new job which he loves, I am working again and have to put in alot of effort so neither of us need the stress of worrying about whether the kid will end up with us. It is like BM is yanking our chain just to make us squirm and dealing with this sulking 16 year old is maddening. Advice?

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Anne 8102's picture

Submitted by Anne 8102 on Tue, 01/08/2008 - 8:05pm

What I'm hearing is that you have this "sulking 16 year old" who is failing at school, has trashed a room you decorated for your own up-and-out daughter and is not picking up after herself. Oh, and she is not wanted by either parent. Huh. Is she this way because she's not wanted or is she not wanted because she's this way? Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

~ Anne ~

"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook

frustratedinMA's picture

Submitted by frustratedinMA on Wed, 01/09/2008 - 7:59am

I would take them BM to court and get CS awarded. Then I would whip that child into shape... I would set out what your expectations are for her, what her chores are to be, and what the consequences will be if those chores or expectations are NOT met.

Then.. After that is settled, I would get her an appt w/a pyschologist and make her go to the appt's. Sounds to me like she needs someone that is unbaised to listen to her.

I do agree with Anne, that the room is not used by your BD since she is in College, and should therefore be set up to accomodate BOTH girls, not just geared toward one.

Sorry the BM is waffling on you and your DH, but you and your DH need to be the adults and step up to the plate.. otherwise you will be supporting SD for the rest of your lives.. and I am SURE you dont want to do that... So give her the tools necessary to make a life for herself. OH.. and that child would be going to summer school to fix her grades if she lived in my house.

Good Luck