I had a similar meltdown over my own son being unappreciative this evening and it does suck. They may not show it now, but believe me, whether they ever admit it or not, someday they will see and realize all you do for them. It may take them having their own children, but they cannot get through this life and not see the contribution you have made. It seems to me like they are desperate to get something that they don't realize they already have. You're a great mom and we love you!

♥ ANNE 8102 ♥

Stepmom_C- they will remember your contribution, the day in day out. Kids do know who makes their world go round. Most kids don't acknowledge bio-parent efforts, soooo look at it as they see you as a parent, they have to thank a stranger you know

I am a product of what you are working towards now. I was the same as your Skids. I lived with my Smom and dad full time, my BM was rarely in the picture. As a kid, I was a complete SHIT!!! And looking back now, I treated my Smom like she was crap. I honestly regret it. She is a wonderful person, and...as an adult, I appreciate all the she did for me as a kid. I am now a Smom in her shoes, I strive everyday to give my SD7 what she needs and some of what she wants. I am the soccer mom, dance mom, and all the other hats that a BM wears. Yet, when BM makes a rare appearence, my SD drops all and runs!! It kinda upsets me too...then I think about how I feel about my Smom now. I had a great example to go by, and your Skids do too. You will not ever get the pat on the back that their BM does...but remember that they are secure enough in your reltionship with them. They don't feel the need to "impress" you with their abilities to act, play soccer, and all...they know that you are going to be there when they get off stage, come off the field, or come home from school. When they are grown...that's what is going to matter most when they watch their own babies sleep. CHIN UP, it's not as bad as it seems.

You are important to them, and they know you love them. This is why they can feel comfortable enough not to "court" you like they are courting their own mother.

They are dealing with major guilt for loving you, and feeling abandoned by their mom.

It's cultural too on some level. I mean, though we put down deadbeat dads, as a society we are still not comfortable with applying the same to BM's who don't put their kids first. It seems unnatural to us that a BM is this way, and therefore there's no discourse about it. So the kids feel like something is off with THEM to make their BM not love them.

So complicated. But I have found with SD that she does show me occasionally that she gets who I am to her. And that she feels she needs to manipulate her mom into being a mom to her. She makes enough "mom won't come anyway, so don't stay away from my game hoping she will be more comfortable there" comments that I know that means she really wants me to come to her game, and accepts that her mom will not.

Most of us grew up never having to question if our BPs loved us. It never came to mind, even in my case where we had a huge family trauma (brother injured, nearly killed, and permanently disabled by a drunk driver at age 17- I was 12.) Even though I was on my own, I never thought it was because my parents didn't love me. They were just understandably distracted.

In my SD's (and I think in your SDs') case, BM has no legitimate excuse. So the girls are likely internalizing the rejection as caused by themselves.

Hang in there. You are showing your love, and modeling motherhood for them. And barring mental illness from their BM's genetic or environmental influence...they will one day get it.

Hugs,

Z

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

I know that God-awful feeling you are describing to a tee. When you're there for them, day in and day out, as any good parent would be. Not even thinking for a minute in terms of "STEP" but just "MOM".

But kids, being kids, will just break your heart, won't they?

I know that scene you're decribing. Running to the phone when "Mommie Dearest" calls to heap yet more emotional abuse on them and then ending the conversation with ten sick meaningless "I love you's", as if that makes up for all the pain they have inflicted!

And there we stand on the sidelines as if we didn't exist at all; as if our daily, selfless, genuine love for them meant absolutely nothing to them.

And even though deep in our hearts we KNOW that ONE DAY they will realize, when they are older, that we were always the ones who were there for them- darn it- couldn't they just throw us a bone every once in a while and let us know NOW??????

Aren't kids a blessing?

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

understand how you feel. I was in the SAME situation up until Feb when SD16 decided she would have it better at BM's. Fine. I used to, and still do to some extent, feel the way you do. Unappreciated. Unloved by the skids. It sucks, it really sucks. I loved, and still do, them as my own, and they have broken my heart more times than I can count. I do believe that when they finally decide, if they ever do, to GROW UP, I will get my appreciation. I never did any of the things I did for them for the "thanks", but it would have been nice, at least once. I just put all my energy into my bs's, they are still at the age when they love mommy and everything is great that mommy does.................love that phase. It won't be long before my oldest (10) will be out of that stage, so I am cherishing every minute of it! HUGS to you sister, I know the pain.