when its convenient for them
I was supposed to pick up sd today but she has plans to go shopping with her grandmother.So she wants to know if i can pick her up tomorrow.After trying to get a hold of her for 2 days to tell her i am picking her up today.I dont have the time next week to drive her back home which takes 1.5 hours.So now her visit will be cut short.It always has to be convenient for them never taking into consideration i may have things to do.
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I think it's extremely
I think it's extremely inconsiderate that they don't take your possible schedule into account! Why, if they want the time accomodation can they not do the transportation?
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love."
can I ask?
why is it that you are the one who's been calling for 2 days to arrange the transporation issues with your stepchild? Where is her DAD in all of this? Shouldn't HE be involved in getting her on the phone and having her be more respectful and considerate of your time?
It sounds strange to me that you would be the one in charge of this, especially when she seems to be taking you for granted.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
he wont phone
He wont call because his ex is a complete b.... and i am not allowed to call so i have to get my ss to phone.He does not say anything to the kids when they are disrespectful of my time.I have talked to him about this but i think he trys to avoid confrentation either with his kids or myself which peeves me off even more.
Yet you're the one???
who drive 1-1/2 hrs out of your day to pick her up?
Oh, Hell-NO!
I'd definitely have to put a boot up DH's butt on this one!
Too bad his ex is a bitch! He married her. He had kids with her.
If he wants to see his kids, then he needs to grow up and deal with the problems, not you.
I'd be damned if I'd go out of my way for people who treat me badly.
I used to with my SDs- then I wised up. Don't do it anymore. And when I stopped, my DH finally realized that he either HAD to fix the problem or deal with it himself.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Back out of it, sam.
If BM wants to call DH and arrange a different pick up/drop off time, and then if DH wants to ask you for your help in providing transportation, then you can decide if you are available to help out or not. It's their kid, it's their problem and none of this should inconvenience YOU unless YOU volunteer yourself and your time. You're an adult. You don't need anyone's permission to call anyone else. I totally stay out of BM/DH/skid stuff, especially when things get hairy. I may have a few pleasant exchanges with BM here and there, but the bulk of the arrangment-making is between DH and BM, which is as it should be. If DH wants to see his kid bad enough, he'll call. If BM wants to get rid of him bad enough, she'll call. Either way, it's not your burden to bear if you choose not to bear it. This doesn't even require a conversation or confrontation with DH. Be like Nike. Just do it!
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥
I have tried
It has been a struggle for so long and everytime i open my mouth it becomes an argument so i dont know what to do or say to him because i have tried everything.
ha ha
I love that be like nike just do it...
Or fight the War on DH's and...
JUST SAY NO.
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥
I agree, sometimes it's best
I agree, sometimes it's best to say "not my kid-not my problem" the responsibility is dad's let him deal with the games.
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love."
sam
make yourself unavailable, work a part time job or join a volunteer group
these are DH's and his ex's kids, they need to be responsible for them not you!
like 5Teen said "oh hell no"
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
My problem
My husband thinks that i just dont want her here but that is not it at all.If i say anything he starts to ignore me.
Sam - welcome to my
Sam - welcome to my nightmare....
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
I absolutely agree with
Anne. Dh should be doing the communications and transportaion issues. He needs to grow up and take responsibilty for HIS ex, not you.
i know
I know but i just want peace i hate fighting with him about this because i am always the loser no matter if im right.He is very stubborn and hard to talk to when it comes to this stuff i just dont know how to say it to him
I posted to your other post about
The self help books that help you when relating to difficult people.
You and I are very much alike. I too want peace. But I am finally learning that only I can bring peace to myself.
We have to find a way to do it, all of us, before all the fatigue of treading water for too many years causes us to slip below the surface and drown.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
I am thinking
Im thinking he feels guilty i have asked him this before but has told me no.Like he is scared of his own children..
What if?
What would your DH do if you said you could not pick the children up anymore? Or if you devised a really good excuse not to pick them up. I have to say that this is one thing I have refused to be relied upon from the get go. I usually accompany Dh to pick up ss, and drop off, but I have only picked ss up once, and I let him know that it would not be a habit. One thing I have learned with these stubborn men is that you have to work them a bit, and find a very good reason for them to see things your way. You cant always just tell them how it is, or you ketch hell. You may have to think up something that makes more sense to DH if you insist on keeping the peace. Either was, I agree with everone on here who thinks you should not be dealing with the pickups dropoffs, and letting Dh not deal with it. Unless of course your name is in the custody agreement.
i feel your pain
dear sam, i too have been in your shoes and it is very hard to say no when you obviously love this child why else would YOU be the one going out of your way to spend time with them? the only advice i can give you is that if you are the one that is using your time then you shouldnt have to have a fourth party relaying the messages between you and the bm.seems to me that alone can be a BIG problem!!!but if that is the only way i guess the dad needs to be a bigger supporter and learn to say thank you!!! sometimes just knowing that you are appreciated for all you do goes along way!
I tried talking last night AGAIN
I tried talking to him last night again because he made a comment about us eating at the table.Well if i had some help and wasnt mowing the lawn for instance at 8 30 at night then maybe we would have sat down at the table and ate together.But now that his daughter is coming i am sure that will be more important now that we do that.That is why i think he made that comment i also told him that if i had help.He said he didnt mean anything by it but i am so frustrated right now thatany little remark peeves me off.I cant take this anymore i just feel like im running in circles.