i threw a tantrum yesterday
things have been better, my family unit has been functioning well enough for me to not even feel the need to get on this site and spill for quite a long time now, i have been mostly content. sometimes, happy. i caught my stepson cleaning his room (this never happens), then he informs me that he wants his room to look good when his mom comes over. daddy promised his mommy she could come over. am i wrong to be furious about not even being asked if i would be ok with this? when we were still living at our apartment, she never really did anything crazy (besides driving by at random, or leaving obnoxious notes on our cars)and i know that she knows where we live, it's not that. i just don't want the bitch in my yard. we always meet somewhere for dropoffs & pickups during the summer. during school, we pick him up and drop him off at school, and she is not around. its better that way because she can get really dramatic "mommy will miss you so very very much, sniff sniff", and then he is sobbing and completely impossible after that. we had the entire foodcourts attention the last time we met them up at the mall. its probably bad, but i can't wait until he gets old enough to feel embarassed by his mother's behavior. anyway, after we dropped him off at school, i brought it up to the husband, and he seems to think that i am some kind of monster b/c i have a problem with her coming to our house. i don't ask to go to her house. but its to make my ss happy! and i don't care! where do i draw the line? we have not had any nonsense in a a few months now, and i think this is such a can of worms. i'm sorry, im still so mad that none of this makes any sense probably.
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rooaarrrrr!!!!!!!!!
rooaarrrrr!!!!!!!!!
She has no business coming
She has no business coming into your house - you have every right to be upset!!
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
dh needs to look up the
word "boundaries". NO way in hell I'd let BM in MY house. Period! Ever!
ditto Serendipity and Sia.
ditto Serendipity and Sia. F and I are considering buying a house in the same town as BM, and he said "i don't really want to b/c then she'll stop by" Oh hell to the no was my reply, she'll do that once, and I'll call the cops. NO WAY is she coming on my property, let alone into my home. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her (which believe me, is not far).
Besides, I have no doubt that if she saw the descrepancy between our home with nice things, nice decor, clean and welcoming with her hovel, that would be all the more reason to go after my F for more child support!
Stand your ground, I think it's only fair!
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
No way, no how- STAND YOUR GROUND!
Your DH has to find his balls on this one! There is no way that the BM should EVER come into your home. Period. Especially if she's the type of crazy, drama-filled, nut-case like so many of the BMs we deal with on this site. It's just a recipe for disaster and sets a precident in her mind that she can now come into HER SON'S place whenever she feels like it!
Put your foot down on this one right now. If she has to drop SS off at the house, then she can wait in the driveway or in the street- that's as far as she needs to go. And your DH can explain to SS in the nicest of ways about boundaries. SS will get over it.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Vick's idea seems fair
One time, but that is it! and it needs to be when you are ok with it, and preferably not there!
My SD pulled me in once and I went, for her, just to her room and thru the living area - but I was very uncomfortable and beat it asap! hopefully your BM will do the same
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
im w 5teens
it would be nice if everyone could get along. but w these crazy BMs, its just not that easy. give them an inch and they will take a mile. i think u have to set firm boundaries for what is and is not acceptable, and BM invading ur space ie home, is NOT acceptable.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
We use to do drop-offs at
We use to do drop-offs at each others' houses on Sundays at noon. And it was awful. I mean it was one thing when we droppped SS off because we would say ok have fun we will miss you, see you next week, then SS would get out of the car and go to his mom. NOW when BM dropped him off at our house it was a 30 minute process. She would bring him home an hour late, then proceed to hold him in her lap (he is an 8yr) telling him she will miss him and the dog will miss him and cry and then he starts to cry. Then she tells him what he is going to miss while he is gone, like she is going to the movies and arcade without him. It was so awful. Then he would get home all pissy and whiny and boobing the whole time. It took 2 days to adjust his attitude. Plus sunday was an awful day to switch, no one got a whole weekend, plus we do things on sunday's and would have to wait to get SS then we would have to pray he was clean because she never makes him bathe and we would need to leave right away. I told DH we needed to switch drop offs to mondays. This way SS can go to school and just walk to his moms, or to our house. In the summer we will drop him off at his moms normally sunday night or even saturday, rarely do we keep him until monday just because of work, but that isn't a huge problem. And when i get off work i will swing by and pick him up at his moms on our week. Things have gotten so much better. Honestly the kid has changed, he no longer brings home the attitude which is great.
BM took care of this for me
BM will NEVER set foot in my house. And she knows why. Once when SD was maybe 7 I went to pick her up at BM's house. Her stepdad answered the door and said, "Come on in. SD is in the back yard." And he wanted me to go get her. I figured since he'd invited me in, it was OK. I'd never been inside before, so he took me to the back yard. BM flipped out. She was yelling at my back as I beat a hasty retreat with SD that she didn't ever want me coming into her house again. Stepdad was looking pretty sheepish, and I'm sure she tore him a new one after I left. Don't know if he told BM he invited me in, but she sure as hell never apologized (which she should have). So if I can't go into her house, she damn well better never ask to come into mine.