My husband and I have been together for 7 years. He has a 9 year old daughter with his ex-wife who has had a domestic partner (boyfriend) also for 7 years and they have 2 children together. Everything has gone reletively smooth over the years.......in large part because my husband and I in particular have been very flexible. We have also been so because his ex-wifes boyfriend has been a good example on her and she seemed to be a bit better. She is not a bad person, she has a bit of a stunted emotional growth and isn't always capable of seeing things outside of her basic needs. She is completely unorganized, can't keep a schedule, doesn't take my stepdaughter to the doctor, dentist, etc. I have done these things. Also, any attempt we make to get her enrolled in extra curricular activities, she finds a way to sabotage.....not on purpose, but because she just can't get it together. On top of it, she never explains things to her daughter, so then my husband and I end up looking like the bad guy. We have just tolerated, but now it's gotten to a point that can't continue. He and her boyfriend are not married, but she has been a stay at home mom since they started having kids 4 years ago. Before that she would work as little as possible for different family members, only because the courts required that she work. For the most part, we have been able to all work together and only refer to the court papers when needed for holidays etc. Her boyfriend works all the time as a plumber, making very good money. Well, he has a work vehicle and she has another vehicle that hasn't worked in 6 months, so I've been having to return my stepdaughter on the weekends which has been a hardship. Occasionally, that's fine, but every weekend, when I have little ones, twins no less, is tough. ON top of that, she hasn't had a phone in 2 months so we have no way of getting a hold of her or my step daughter! The phone has been a MAJOR issue over the years. There are just so many things, she doesn't always clean the clothes, my step daughter has come her in dirty underwear, etc. etc. Every weekend has been just a not in my stomache with frustration because she can't seem to get it together and it seeps into everyone elses life. She just wants everyone else to do everything for her. Well, I usually talk to her because we can get along for the most part, but this past weekend she called and my husband answered and she rudely told him that we would have to bring our step daughter back to her house again. Well he told her that this was unacceptable and it was certainly unacceptable for her to be as rude as she's been when everyone else is doing her job for her. He brought up the lack of phone as well. Well, any time he brings up concerns to her she has no defense so she says that she can't do anything because she doesn't get enough in child support! It makes us laugh becasue it's completely irrelevent and she knows it. We have my stepdaughter every weekend and almost all summer. The reason we have her most of the summer is because her mom wants her to be here most of the summer. We don't pay a lot is child support, but that was decided by the courts because we have her quite a bit more than most dads. Also, the paper work was made without prejudice because the understanding was that my husband would be seeking more time with her. It's been many years since our last court appearance and much has changes, other kids, the ex and I are both stay at home moms, etc. Well, we want to go to court to change the custody. We want skid during the week so she can go to a better school, we can make sure she is gettting to the appt.'s she needs to, extra curricular activities, and some structure in her life. Also, we feel it would be more beneficial for her to be at her moms on the weekends so maybe she can have more quality time with her. Although my stepdaugher has been complaining every weekend about her mom and stepdad fighting......she burst into tears one day with my mom because their fighting has been bothering her so much. This could be why the ex has been so rude to us lately. Anyway, besides wanting to modify the custody, I am curious how the child support would work in this situation in California. The biomom was supposed to work and my husband pays her child support, but now she has been a stay at home mom for almost 4 years (she did some daycare under the table though) and is supported by her boyfriend who makes a very good salary as a plumber. How would the courts figure this out? Would his salary be used since he is the head of household and supports everyone as well as gets to claim my step daughter on taxes? I just don't know how it would work? Sorry fo the long drawn out email, but if anybody has experience in this I would love to hear it!