OK, just a bit of sharing from me. I'm not sure how BM and DH got married (don't really care, think it was at the courthouse following a blood test to determine if SD was really his). Anyway, DH and I decided to "elope." We got married in Scotland. After all the planning and hard work (getting things accomplished long-distance), I come to find out that the date I chose for our wedding is the EXACT SAME DATE BM got married to her new husband. So now we have the same anniversary! I eventually got over that, but it was a hard pill to swallow. Watch out for that one!

Congratulations!!!

I wouldnt worry about what kind of weddings she had before.. If your F was never the groom.. then he has nothing to compare it to!!

Plan the wedding that you want!! and then fully enjoy it!

not wanting anything to do with the BM type stuff. I was insistent on that myself. Funny, but when my doctor told me that our BS was going to be born sometime in early October, I cried for a week. BM's birthday is in OCT. I can't explain to you the joy I got when my c-section was scheduled for Sept 28! Sounds so childish and petty, but I know where you are coming from! Get this though.... BM was still sooo completely obsessed with DH that she married a man with DH's same birthday and married him on that same date as well!!! I was soooo pissed at that! (they have since divorced) Maybe you could work it into a conversation w/SD about BM's weddings?
I dont know about any books like that, but I would suggest going to Borders or wherever and going to the wedding planning section. I am SURE they will have something you want there.
Oh and CONGRATS on your engagement!!!! So happy for you.

Have the biggest, white-trashiest, blowout, ho-down of a wedding ever!

Serve fish sticks, fried mac and cheese and kool-aid punch. Have everyone gather in the backyard decorated with broken down cars. Have your bridesmaids sport big hair and all look beat up and knocked up. Put the groomsmen in overalls and wife-beater shirts with tattoo sleeves and they all have to call each other "Bubba."

It may be the most talked about wedding for years to come.

Seriously, surround yourself with your favorite people and have a good time. However you decide to do it, it should be the best wedding ever. Congrats!

Although I know I was ALWAYS in her mind when she planned her wedding (and DH & I weren't even engaged yet!) So she went off to Mexico for one of those "destination weddings"- something she KNEW we'd never do!
(And she was correct!)

Northern, I totally agree with Frustrated- just plan your beautful day EXACTLY the way YOU and F want it...and to heck with all others!

And you can do it small and elegant. DH and I had it at the restaurant where we had our very first "meeting/date". The restaurant had an outside patio/gazebo in the back where the actual wedding took place, and then the reception was upstairs in one of their smaller reception halls. We only had about 80 people total. Intimate, lovely, and a wonderful day all around.

The funny thing is, everyone expected us to have this lavish blowout event (given DHs job and income) but why for ONE DAY spend a ton of money when you have 4 kids who need to go to college?? To me, that's just wasteful.

The bottom line is- do what makes you and F happy. And I'm happy for you! Congratulations

PS- I'll have to do some research on the "workbooks". I know there are some decent ones used in the Catholic religion for couples who go through the "pre-Cana" program, but there are practical, real-life sections which are also quite helpful in them. I'll get back to you on that.

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

so very very happy for u!

do not worry at ALL about BM and what her wedding was like. im sure whatever u plan will be more spectacular and nothing like hers anyway...u are 2 very different people! and so what if SD compares? she seem slike a pretty good kid and seems to love both U and FH (dontcha just love saying that now?!) so much and probably will prefer urs even if it WAS a WT ho down wedding like stepmasochist suggested!

books...i cant offer advice but i bet sita could...shes the bookworm here (and i mean that in a VERY good way!). shes always offering great books to help people deal w lots of different issues.

we had to forgo a big wedding, couldnt even afford to have guests due to my family being out of town and our lack of funds thanks to CS, so i understand how u feel. but we both think it was perfect and beautiful anyway!

happy planning!

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

Regarding including the SD, there are many ways to do this. After my wife and I exchanged vows we had my SD join us where we presented her with a Family Medallion necklace, the JoP read a little peom to go with it. It made her feel included in the ceremony and special without removing the focus being on the my wife and I. They have a website with ideas and different gift items of varuing costs. There might be something there that works for you.

I had my SD and SS in the wedding party. Sd was 6 and I made her a Junior Bridesmaid, and SS was the ring bearer. They both enjoyed their place in the wedding.

I think making SD a bridesmaid would thrill her to no end.

http://www.lighthouseinn-ct.com/lighthousepages/wedding_package.html

This inn is very pretty and they have function areas that serve from 50 on up.. so perhaps they will let you have 30 guests. I tried calling their number, not sure if they are closed for the season or what.. but.. we stayed there once.. LOVED it.

That is funny!!!

The theme that I had running through our wedding was lighthouses. Each table was a different lighthouse (complete w/replica) instead of table numbers. Then we had found the matching magnets of the same lighthouses.. and that was how people could find their table. The cake had a Bleek lighthouse on it (w/the tea light lit the whole time).. And had salt water taffy for after dinner for people to nibble on..

Sooo.. no lighthouse type wedding... lol..

Planned it in 6 weeks too. That one I wouldn't recommend. But it may have been how we ended up on the low end, because I didn't have time to go nuts adding on things. We lucked out that the church referred the caterer referred the cake lady.

My brother did the photos, but I would hire someone. Not because my brother didn't do a fabulous job, but he didn't get all the pics I would have liked being he was a guest as well and that makes it harder.

Also, I snagged a DJ for 200 bucks, because he was the brother of an actor (who also DJs but wasn't available that night) and a concert pianist played for free (tipped her $50.) She is another friend from theatre. Those connections made all the difference.

Oh yeah...and I got married right as prom dresses were out. Got a wedding dress for 115 bucks. My bridesmaids' dresses came out of the Nordstrom catalog for about 125 (more than mine!)

My DH also said I should be a last minute wedding planner, but I just think I lucked out with all the connections I had. The most expensive thing was the church and hall rental, which were in the same place (brand new hall at the church- and it was nice b/c the guests walked over for appetizers while we took some pics.)

We put together our own vows from a cool book too. I'll have to look it up for you- it has some neat ways to incorporate SD if you wish.

You can see some pics on my myspace page.

CONGRATULATIONS!

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

Do whatever YOU want. From what you have said, you have NO worries about having anything like BM, even accidentally.

DH and I joke about being rednecks, but when we were having a "who spent the least on the wedding" contest in my office, I came in third at $300, counting the rings. Wal*Mart 10k comfort-fit bands, a dress, $50 for the license, $20 for the magistrate at the county jail on a Saturday. My parents and sister were our witnesses.

DH and BM had a big Catholic mass when they got married, and BM had another big white wedding the second time (and wasn't she mad when the Church said she couldn't take the Sacrament now that she's remarried... she quit going entirely and is neglecting SD's religious education because "we're not welcome anymore.") I'm a total tomboy and tightwad, so a magistrate wedding was totally my speed.

Your tentative plans sound wonderful. I know October is cold in CT, so that kills what I would do in the South - find out if there was a botanical garden or park open to the public that allows ceremonies(NC State has some gorgeous areas on campus - I went to school there for a while) although some friends of mine got married at a chapel at Princeton for no cost (they were alums).

~Trish

Girl! Congratulations i am so so so happy for you. Since I am not married yet (we would probably do it in Vegas anway - LOL) I don't really have any great suggestions like the rest of these ladies but my very dear friend got married at her house. At first I was like what? The completely cleaned out the backyard, set-up tables, decorations, etc., and even as picky as I am though it was really neat. I know it sounds kinda trashy but you would have had to see it to believe it. And it was cheap! Again congrats girl - now if my FH ever gets his head of out his rear end maybe I can start figuring out my wedding.

My first wedding was a big 300+ church wedding & so was DH's. I knew I wanted something different & fun & involving my skids so we rented the local major league ball park & got married on home plate with my skids. I wore a $99.00 wedding dress from David's Bridal & my DH & Skids suits. We had 40 guests and went out to eat at a local hisorical restraunt. I think we did the whole thing, clothing included for $1500.00.

Everyone said it was the funniest wedding they had ever been to. You got to walk around on the field, my husbands family brought their ball & gloves & bats & the kids got to run the bases & hit a few. We gave out baseball with our names, the kids names & the date as favors & we had everyone autograph a ball in lieu of a guest book.

My husband & skids are HUGE baseball fans. We also had a two tiered chocolate cake. My skids had a blast & helped me plan things. The oldest wrote a paper on it for school even.

Have fun & do what feels right in your heart.

LOL, just kidden.....congrats to you both. I live on the cape, the lighthouse Inn is 5 min. from me.....it is sooooo beautiful here. I have always had a love of lighthouses, and being here is perfect! I have family members getting married there this summer."~waiting on the world to change~"