Have you ever heard anything so crazy?
Ok SD 13 is badddddd - she steals, is hatefule and ungrateful. Everytime she steals from me H gets mad at ME! H has EOW custody - when we had full custody we did not have has many problems so I know BM is behind it - regardless H needs to make her obey (guilty parenting). I disengaged - and it helped But last week she stole tampons - I had to address due to health issues and make sure there is not more to it - is something going on that we don't know about -is she back to stealing for BM???? SO I addressed - when I asked why she took them she gave me a killing hateful look and walked away - H said "She is talking to you come back here and answer her!" I explained TSS to her and why she can not use tampons - she said she took them because she thought she might need them - (curious??) She took several. WWhatever - I am concerned for her health. Get this, H gets MAD at me - of course. He said even though he appreciates the good information I gave her I did not need to bark at her - WHAT!! He is the one who barked at her and if you look back at all she has done she needs a lot more than barking - maybe some bite!!! We went through our regular agruments. Three days later he is still mad and I hate coming home to this dead, dark cloud of anger. I told him get it off your chest or get over it. He says he has made a decision - he will give 50/50 - then he explains, during the week he has SD (we have a SS too but he really isn't concerned with him - SS is a wonderful child and he really loves me, I have tears just thinking about losing ss). H's focus is SD - so anyway back to H's decision - for the week he has SD they will live at his mother's house and the weeks he does not have skids he will live her with me.
I don't even know what to think about this he said "Her (SD) week will be for her and your week will be for you." Is this crazy or is it just me? - I can't wait to read everyone's comments...
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oh HELL no! Wouldn't stand
oh HELL no! Wouldn't stand for it...I think this guy might actually be worse then the Mizmel situation! I don't even know what to say...SD is not his wife, YOU ARE. His "solution" is only going to cause more problems between you and him and you and her. Has MIL even been told this? Maybe she can tell him what an assinine idea this is. Question though...why can't a 13 year old use tampons? TSS isn't an issue if she changed them every 3 hours...I used them when I was 13.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
If her sd is anything like
If her sd is anything like mine and it sounds like she is then she would probably forget to change them. My H got sd tampons by mistake once and we ended up at the hospital to get them removed. She didn't change it, just kept shoving more in. :sick:
!
WHAT?! oh my god...sick! HELLO, read the instructions AT LEAST!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Razamond-your H sounds exactly like mine!
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
When I refused to let H and BM railroad me into raising SD13 by myself-his response was he was going to get an apartment-for him and his kids! Not him, his kids & me...all because I refused to be essentially a single parent to his D, who has a mom and a dad.
This behavior is so wrong-and I've been living with it for 8 months now, which are the longest, most miserable 8 months of my life.
If your H is just fine with his D taking your belongings-whether it is something like tampons, or something more valuable, then he is showing you that you mean nothing, have no rights. Just like my h shows me.
He'll find out-I will get schooling-get a great job-and then we'll see who does what around here.
I've dealt with both the
I've dealt with both the steal/snooping and the we (BF and SD15) will live somewhere else EOW.
The stealing/snooping if hilarious. Instead of confronting SD about it, BF boobytrapps things so we will know what she has been into. I think it is very interesting that he won't just call her on it, tell her it is not acceptable and assign punishments for breaking the rules. We only have one bathroom, so I started along time ago, just taking all my stuff out of the bathroom (blow dryer, make-up, ect and putting it in our bedroom) it was easier that dealing with BF's boobytrapping. If SD hadn't planned appropriately and had an emergency, I would giver her a tampon (after BF got to explain how to use them-- just because I enjoy letting them experience that awkward conversation.) and then inform BF that he needed to go buy SD some with in the next few hours. SD has stayed overnight in almost 7 blissful months, so I haven't had to do hide my good stuff for a while.
On the living somewhere else during SD's visits issue. After a major blow up about BF's total disengagement from reality during SD's EOW visits he came up with this compartmentalizing plan. He would do the same thing and stay at MIL EOW weekend. I invited him to go ahead and do that permanently starting that very minute if that was his plan because it was total BS. Not too long after that, SD announced that since she was turning 14 (nearly 2 years ago) that she didn't want to stay with us EOW, but wanted to stay with BF's parents instead. She really hurt BF with this announcement and so for a while BF and I got on the same parenting page and he cracked down on her attitude and her sense of entitlement.
Men seem to think that compartmentalizing their life might actually work. I don't think it will work for women. We don't work the same way. I don't understand how you can be married to someone on an every-other-week basis. I think you ought to tell your DH that this idea of his is a non-starter and to just grow a pair in general.
On the brightside, at about 14 and 1/2 SD wanted NOTHING to do with us and her visits have dropped to almost nothing. While you have a while to go til 18, you aren't far from the magic age where kids don't want to be around their parents at all. Won't it be interesting when you DH is living at MIL by himself because EOW your SD decides not to come over?
Lived that life
This is BS! By taking SD to MIL's place, your H is letting her know that she is in control of HIS life. Oh, SD13 will take that and run with it.
My stepbrats used to steal anything and everything that wasn't locked down. So I bought a safe and a locked cabinet and put all my valuables and stealable items there. Even the feminine supplies--those were stolen by the package--not just one at a time. All electronics were locked up, as were blank checks, bottles of wine, gift cards and silverware.
When the stepbrats regularly cased our home, room, drawers, and closets, there was nothing to find. It was a pain to always lock up my purse, etc, but worth it.
So I recommend that you get a safe to lock up your personal items--it might be a compromise and save MIL from having her house ransacked.
OMG!!
Not only does this teach SD that she is more important to him than you but it also gives her the impression she can manipulate you into a fight to get what she wants from her father.
I am sorry but if I were in your situation I would leave. There is no way I would deal with this. Just that H had the thought would upset me. You are his WIFE you should be his NO #1 no matter what. The children come after---at least that is how my H and I feel. By stay at MIL with the children he is saying he thinks the kids come first and you can see HIM if he has time--when the kids don't want to see him.
OMG this is so upseting! Heck I would have walked out right then and never looked back!!
I agree with everyone!
This is NUTS! Absolutely NOT! Do not allow this situation. He is married to you and not the SD. She needs to have boundaries, and he needs to back you up. I just cannot see any marriage surviving what he is proposing.
WHAT???
okay this is called "running away from conflicts" lol
CHANGE THE LOCKS & PUT THEIR CRAP ON THE LAWN!
When he comes home from his next week with SD at his mommy's house inform him that either he steps up or he steps out. PERIOD! And tell him to get his and his daughter's crap off of your lawn.
He is not a man he is a child throwing a tantrum. Treat him like one, rub his nose in his own mess, smack him on the ass and tell him to man up (figuratively of course). When he shows you he can be a man and the husband you deserve let him and maybe SD move back home from his mommy's place...... but only if it is what YOU want.
Just my thoughts of course.
Good luck and best regards,