BM--What can she do???
Well, it looks like we are moving forward for custody, thanks to SD14s grandfather (yep, the BM's dad!) funding the custody suit. The grandfather came over last night and we discussed options for lawyers, and decided to go with the lawyer that handled the grandfather's divorce. Apparently the BM gets a lot of her irrational, unstoppable anger rage from HER mother, and this lawyer managed to get her to sit civilly and talk through the divorce, so maybe it'll work with BM too with regard to custody of SD.
So the grandfather called the lawyer today, and the lawyer spoke very positively about the situation, said he had just won a similar case, and was happy to take the case! He said that basically he would draw up the papers and serve her, and she would either have to capitulate and sign, or dredge up the money to hire her own lawyer to fight it.
Since she's alienated everyone in her family, including the only one well off enough to actually help, you know, the grandfather who's paying for OUR case, she won't be able to hire a lawyer. But what CAN she do? I really can't believe as evil as this woman has been that she's just going to roll over and let this happen!!! What am I not thinking of? What resources are out there for her in this situation? Is there anything else I should do or can do to prepare for this????
Anyone have any experience with this? What can we expect???
Thank you!!!
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Well, she is not
eligible for legal aid since she is not charged with a crime. What about her DH's family.....any resources there? She really can't do anything, though I will say that our judge felt sorry for our BM who had no money to fight us....awww poor BM...not! I would look for things to get ugly for SD though. Does she know what is going on?
his would never
provide money to fight for SD. He proclaims forwards and backwards and sideways every chance he gets that SD "isn't my kid and not my responsibility!" Nope, she's on her own...
It IS going to get very ugly for SD. I plan to call for a child welfare check the same day BM is served with the papers, and if the lawyer advises it, seek immediate intervention for her physical wellbeing.
SD knows that actions are being taken on her behalf, she does not know the extent to which things are moving though. FH will tell her this weekend we are in contact with a lawyer, and what to expect.
BM has called FH and told him under no circumstances is SD allowed to speak to or see her grandfather and his wife. The poor man was in tears at our house last night over this, and his love and concern for SD. We don't want to put SD in a position of lying to her mother, but we need to get this whole thing rectified as soon as possible, so not only will SD be safe but she can see her grandparents again, it's hurting them so much to be shut out of her life...
We have told them to email SD all they want, as she checks her email here and it is not monitored by BM...
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
well, I am glad
that things are moving forward! That's great! Hopefully it won't take long..... maybe she will just buckle under the pressure. Did GP say whether or not this guy has large sharp teeth, cause he may need them from the sound of things!
I will send good vibes your way...do let us know when she is served. Did the lawyer give a time frame?
That's so sad that they are not allowed to see their granddaughter...
My IL's are the opposite, they never call our kids....never acknowledge birthdays or holidays yet proclaim to be such wonderful "christians".....oh dont even get me started on that topic
Anyway, you can tell GP that he can adopot my kiddos....
apparently he just adopted us too:
from the grandfather:
"I’m so happy that FH and you are so much in SD’s life. She means so much to (wife) and I. SD is so lucky to have a choice with people who care and love her so much. (wife)e and I are lucky also because our family will be extended with two wonderful people. Can’t wait until SD can show you both off to the rest of our family. "
I am so sorry the grandparents in your situation are so uncaring, I don't understand people, I really don't.
My understanding is that the guy is more calm and rational than fang bearing. We're not asking for CS in any way, I'll send you exactly what we're proposing if you want, it's just going to be a nightmare of a confrontation, and we're not going to get anywhere with fighting....
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
wow, that was brilliant....
what the GP wrote! No CS? Why not?
b/c she doesn't work
It definitely made FH and I feel really good...
no CS b/c she doesn't work, has two small children, and the CS seems to be her major sticking point. Because even if we got the award, at 17% based on minimum wage, it's less than 10K for the next 3 yrs, TOTAL, until SD turns 18. Because of that, it's not even WORTH fighting about, plus the fact we would be constantly fighting with her, dealing with her being in noncompliance, late payments, etc. It's just not worth it with the head ache and stress factor....
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
yeah, that's
true. We pushed for CS based simply on principle alone..... she was always such a bitch to us over every single dime she could get, so we just gave her a dose of her own meds.... she eventually wound up in jail for 48 hrs b/c of non-compliance....that was worth it all to see her stupid ass go to jail }:)
oh trust me, we were at that
oh trust me, we were at that same "on principle" place too. BM has offered to sign over SD if FH would sign something saying he will never go after her for CS. Thanks to the ladies here, I know even if he would sign it, no such thing is possible, she can't sign away her parental obligations, as much as she would like to! But if not going after her will actually make this happen, and lessen the impact on SD, that's what we have to do. She backpedaled from that position anyway, like she always does but maybe with the paper in front of her, she'll just sign it.
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
She could go in pro se...
and all I have to say is good luck with that.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
pro se???
what is that???
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
it means you
have no lawyer
That would actually be a plus
I would love to see her get up there in front of a judge and start her screaming ranting.... LOL
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
maybe, maybe not
sometimes, as in our case, the judge ends up feeling sorry for the BM. So, it kind of works against you sometimes, but hey maybe she WILL act like a big ole horses ass and get herself held in contempt! That would be worth seeing!
oh trust me
she has NO self control, and will be talking over THE JUDGE within 5 minutes, I have no doubt...
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
Good luck!
Hey girl don't get to check in as much as I would like on here but I wanted to take a minute and say how awesome that is that you guys are going for full custody of SD with BM's dad's backing. It just goes to show that even he knows what a flippin nutcase she is. It sounds like he only wants whats best for his granddaughter and he knows what a wonderful person YOU are as well as your FH and sees the truth. That girl will thrive in a wonderful, loving, stable home. Okay gotta take a nap - going out for new years!
Have a wonderful evening!
Hey Ema!
Thanks for the ongoing support, it's definitely been a long road, and we haven't reached the end yet, but it looks like things might be looking up for 2009. I really hope it works out for SD, and soon, I hate it so much, dropping her off there...
Enjoy your evening, it's so cold and snowy here, we're staying put! So lame, sitting home on the internet on NYE...
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein