My SD does the same thing. She doesn't know any better, I had to teach her! I don't know, Beast bitch just didn't tell her what to do. I had to....weird.

She throws all kinds of disgusting things wherever it is most convenient- puts used pads in drawers, wrappers everywhere, on the floor. She must dump her tampons in the toilet first then fish them out to throw in the trashcan because they are soaking wet with an inch of toilet water in the bottom of the can. That's when she isn't just tossing them in the cabinet the trash can sits in, without hitting the basket. That's when she actually bothers to remove the pads from her underwear before putting it in the washer for me to find later.

She used to hide her Goodnights in closets and drawers too, toss soaking wet blankets behind her bed on the carpet etc etc etc. She also has wrapped apple cores up in her clothes to hid them, leaves half full moldy coke cans that she smuggled up to her room (we only buy 2 litres now and nothing in single servings because she was always hoarding those in her room because it was easy.

When I first moved in we had mice turds in every closet on every floor, including a mouse I caught in our pantry. Also, the upstairs rooms (she had moved from one to another after BM moved out) both wreaked of urine.

I could go on all day. It's disgusting. She has only improved slightly with constant micro managing.

BM is disgusting too with her house so I'm told, doesn't wash dishes for weeks etc.

Apple stays by tree I'm afraid.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

I hope this is not what I have to look forward to!!!! Luckily, SD8 should have several years to go still!

Sita Tara, some of the things you wrote about could have been written by me. BM is a complete slob & totally lazy, so SD8 & FSD11 have learned to be that way. SD8 has gotten MUCH better about things, but FSD11 is a lost cause. Not that this is her fault, but she wet the bed up until about a year ago. She wouldn't say anything about it, so I'd either smell it or find out a week later when they went back to BM's. In his old apartment, my husband spent a fortune at the laundry mat washing her sheets several times a week. Meanwhile, at BM's, FSD11 would just pile clean blankets on the bed until the urine dried. We know this because she admitted it. And we believe it because a) BM is lazy & probably changed the sheets like once a year & b) FSD11 often reeked of urine. It's so nasty.

FSD11 would pick her nose & wipe it everywhere. Not just when she was little, but as recent as when she was 9 or 10-yrs-old! The wall near her bed is gross. And anyone who's had the joy of trying to remove this from a wall will know...it does not come off easily! Both her & SD8's eating habits are atrocious. They do not sit properly in the chair, they push the plate at least 5 inches from them, so food & crumbs get all over the table, their lap, the chair, the floor, etc. One time, SD8 dropped food over her shoulder & onto the floor. How on earth does that even happen?! We constantly have to remind them of sitting properly at the table & eating over their plates. When I go through their backpacks every other week, there's all kinds of moldy food in there because BM NEVER looks in their backpacks. It's probably smart that we make them eat everything at the table, because otherwise I know we'd find all kinds of food & crumbs everywhere.

Now, BM is convinced that FSD11 will be starting to menstruate any day now. I'm not so sure about this. I realize that sometimes it starts early, but she just barely turned 11 & hasn't started developing at all yet. Just because she's been moodier than usual doesn't mean that's the reason. (And this kid has always been moody!) But BM is obsessing over it, which I'm sure is causing FSD11 to obsess over it. SD8 talks about FSD11 going through puberty enough that I'm sure this is what BM is blaming all our current problems on.

I'm sure if FSD11 was still living with us, I'd be in charge of educating her on everything. As it is, I had to have the very uncomfortable task of talking to FSD11 about shaving. I went to use my razor one day & the blades had strawberry blonde hair stuck in them. Since she's the only one with that hair color, it was easy to solve that mystery! So I put a razor for her in the shower & told her that I had done so. I tried to explain how you shouldn't share razors, etc, etc, but wouldn't you think that BM would have already talked to her about this? Since supposedly, BM & "her girls" talk about "everything".

But even though sometimes it's really difficult, you have to say something & at least attempt to explain certain basics. I don't know your exact situation, Witcheepoo, because I'm sure you have very good reasons for not even attempting to be involved in SD's life anymore. God knows I get where you're coming from there. You can explain something until you're blue in the face & it gets ignored. Then BM says the same exact thing & it becomes gospel. Been there more than I'd like to have been. But I still keep trying to educate them & correct the complete nonsense BM puts in their heads. My husband has been doing this for over 6 years. It's a never-ending battle.

for SD8 to get old enough to leave her dirty pads in her underwear.

Not.

Yikes, Sita. You prove us yet again how strong you are by sharing some of the horrors you have gone through. That must have been awful!

SD8 isn't as bad (though I hope she will never get that bad! ... if she does Oh well. Not my kid)... but she doesn't like taking baths or showers. She'll go in, but if you don't watch her, she won't wash her hair so she can go for a week or two before we start to realize how bad her hair smells. She won't brush her teeth (even though both DH and myself have told her to do so)... so her breath will smell and you can tell they are just utterly dirty (especially of all the sugar DH lets that child consume!). When SD8 goes to the bathroom, number one or number two, she never wipes so she ends up with pee and/or poop stains on her underwear. Sometimes she'll have an accident over night (either she'll pee or poop in her sleep)... and she'll go all day with pee or poopy underwear. It's disgusting. BM isn't a dirty slob... I mean she's an ugly wart hog, but BM keeps herself clean, so I don't know why SD8 is in this habit of not caring about her hygiene.

I had to teach my SD about puberty and everything because BM absolutely refused to do so. SD lives with me and I was trying to allow BM to have that mother/daughter bonding time. She was totally grossed out about it. Go figure. Most mothers find that a special moment to bond with their daughters. In fact, she said that she would rather that I had the talk with her since I had already done so with BD who is 8 years older.

I had the talk and purchased pads EARLY just in case. I then went to the bookstore and bought a book for young girls on puberty that explains all of the changes that the female body goes through. WHy? Because I remember being embarrassed to ask specific questions of my mom at that age. So, I got the book, it had illustrated pics and was very well written. I then allowed my SD to come to me with anything that she wasn't clear on. I know it can seem like a bit much but this book discussed shaving, breasts, masturbation (yeah they need to know that it is not something to be disgusted by and is actually a good way to learn your own body). Now saying that I don't want them learning it so young, but I know that what is discussed amongst the teen-aged set is a whole lot worse and filled with misinformation.

Another book I bought was titled, "My Body, My Self: For Girls" by Lynda and Area Madaras. They are mother/daughter and it has games and quizzes and loads of information. This is considered a What is happening to my body workbook.

I also bought the "New Teen Book" by Wade F. Horn and Carol Keough. It is an A-to-Z guide for Parents of 9- to 16- year olds. THis book is more for parents on what to expect as you enter and ride out the teen years. It is backed by Better Homes and Gardens and covers everything teen. Puberty, appetite, growing bodies, parenting, teen proofing your marriage and then an A-to-Z Problems and Solutions section which covers Acne, ADHD, alcohol and drug use, body piercing, tattooing and branding, dating and sexuality, depression, eating disorders, employment, fan clubs and hero worship, grief, headaches, low self-esteem, mono, overweight, PMS, sibling rivalry, sleep, smoking, sports injuries, teasing and bullying and television. SO as you can see it covers everything except step-parenting. BUT you can adapt things as they fit your circumstances.

I would not hold it against her that she is a slob. I would teach her the correct way as it is all new to her. If she continues with the poor hygiene, now that's something different and then needs addressing. Your putting the dirty trash can in her bedroom to empty does not help the problem. It pisses her off, it pisses you off. She sees that it pisses you off and therefore makes no effort to curb the behavior. In fact, it would appear to feed it if you ask me. Oftentimes kids and particularly skids will do crap just because they know it annoys you. I would come from a caring approach and see how that works out. Good Luck.

PS: None of the books that I've mentioned above cover the "off-topic" subject mentioned above.
Step Mother's Motto this week is:

You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.

Same here.. Stepbrat started hers two months ago and the same thing..My BD went into their bathroom the other day and found a kotex face up on the bathroom floor for the world to see! A bunch of them left in the trash the same exact way and their wrappers ect all over the floor around the toilet and the trash can!! EWWWW!!!

I've been this kids sm since she was 4 and she has lived under my roof the entire time..BM is not in the picture..Trust me, I taught her all about her period, hygiene, and the whole 9 yards. Just the same as I taught my two BD's (older the step brat). Neither of my BD's EVER did anything so disgusting!

I did the same exact thing with putting the trash can in her room. My older daughter told her that if she ever found one of her "rags" like that again she would glue it to Stepbrats forehead!! NO ONE wants to see that or have a guest walk in on that!! How disgusting and embarrassing!!!

Honestly, I think she does it just due to the fact that she is a LAZY SLOB and doesn't care about or have respect for anyone else!!! Trust me, if some of her friends or a boy she liked from school were dropping by..You can bet she wouldn't have left "that" on the bathroom floor or the wrappers all over the place!

I can understand what some have said about "teaching" them about their periods and such. But come on now...If they are old enough to start their period, they are old enough to know that you don't leave them face up on the bath room floor or in the trash can!!I don't think that should have to be taught to any kid that is old enough to have their period...That should be a "given" at that age...

In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted

Yep, we've gone round and round about the disgusting napkin thing for 5 years. My husband at first was mortified that she would leave them piled in the garbage can, unwrapped, and let them sit for days there. He asked me to talk to her because he was so embarassed. I did, but to no avail. You think she would be more considerate cuz of her dad. Five years later, same story.

That's not the only thing she was nasty about. She never cleaned her toilet (gross gross gross) and her room was a breeding ground for all kinds of germs. She stacked dirty dishes and glasses in her drawers (even though food is not allowed in the bedrooms) and completely ruined every area in the house she touched. She is also unclean about herself.

I got tired of harping and booted her out a week ago. My house is now clean and will stay that way!

My mom was great but she never talked about this kind of thing either. I don't think it is some bonding moment, that is what school health education is for.

I thought even then that it is trash and that it belonged, wrapped up, in the trash can.? just common sense, even to a teen! I think they are just trying to get attention, and it is gross!!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin