You're not asking much at all. Your H is being completely unreasonable. You're right, you need him focused on helping you while you're in labor. His place at that time is by your side, not leaving you mid-contraction to check on SS.

Men...sometimes do they think? No not all men are this stupid..thank GOd. Did you guys get a sitter when you conceived or was ss close by for that too. DUH probably not...so you need your time with your husband..there will be plenty of time (a lifetime) for ss to be around. This is not one of them in my opinion.

Its not reasonable to BRING a child w/you when you go into Labor.. You are completely right. If it were your own child, you would have a plan for him/her. The hospital is NO place to have a child when the parents are preoccupied.

Have you done a tour of the hospital maternity section yet?? If you havent already.. ASK THE QUESTION.. they will tell you no kids. Hell.. you cant get an u/s and leave a child in the waiting room. Also, you screaming at the top of your lungs while pushing is not something that ss should HAVE to witness.

Call the hospital and ask what the policy is, if you have already done your tour. Then present those facts to dh. Also spell it out to dh. This could be tramatizing to a child.

If he still doesnt see the light, ask if he is on crack or something. Let us know how you make out!!

You are most definitely NOT asking too much at all. I had my first child 10 months ago, and if my DH had wanted SS there while I was in labor, I would've smacked him up side the head. Honestly, if SS HAD been in there while I was in labor, I probably would've yelled evil things at him about how I REALLY feel about him. It would've been a disaster. Anyway, I agree with what vickmeister said too. My sister has 3 kids, and her other kids were never present for the birth of the next child. Kids are way too high maintenance and way too annoying to be present during childbirth, biological or step. Men are just absolutely downright amazingly STUPID about stuff like this.

If you are expecting your brother to be at the hospital, your DH probably doesnt understand why SS shouldnt be there.

Couldnt you ask your brother to take SS and then bring him to the hospital after so he can meet his new bro/sis?

I agree that SS shouldnt be there as you need your DH 100% focused on you. I understand if you want your mom there, some do, but do you need your brother too?

It was just me and my wife for BD. I called mom and mil afterwards and they brought SD to visit.

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
baby without having the SS involved? Sorry. That's just wrong. Selfish. Thoughtless.

Hey, it sounds like something my H would do if we were having kids!

You poor girl.

You are being totally reasonable! I haven't had to deal with this yet, but I'm sure it will be an issue for me too. BM will throw a fit if she has to keep the kids during our time, even though DH kept my SD's while she had her youngest a few years ago (b/c she doesn't know who the faher is and doesn't speak to any of her relatives).

Keep your ground on this one. Maybe try to get it in writing with a trade off schedule after the baby is born. Like if the baby comes on you and DH's weekend, take SS the following one instead. I know sometimes BM's are a pain and won't compromise, but it's worth a shot.

When are you due?

Do you have any neighbors that you use for babysitting? or does SS have any close friends that the parents would let him stay over while you two are at the hospital.

Frankly.. with you and dh having custody of ss, its none of bm's business WHO you two have watch him. Clearly this isnt something that can happen (ss being at the hospital) when you are in labor, and she should have no say, unless its to say that she wants to take him during that time. If she doesnt, then she has no right to question your plans.

How old is SS?

why dont men understand when it is our first??? If SD's had been with us when I had my boys, I am sure he would've wanted them there too. Dumb boys.

CALL THE HOSPITAL and ask what their policy is on letting kids into the delivery rooms, and what the policy is on leaving them in the waiting room.

Also, you should let your dh know that labor could be anywhere from a couple of hours to 48 hrs.. and that isnt fair to SS. So dh needs to stop being a whiny brat, and realize that you are thinking not only of yourself and him, but of SS and HIS needs.

SS does not belong at the hospital while you're giving birth. Some hospital L&D departments do allow siblings but they must be supervised. If DH is going to be your coach then he needs to focus on you and not have to worry about what SS is doing.

My personal opinion is that hospitals are no place for kids, unless they themselves are sick or under extenuating circumstances. If people only knew how dirty and bacteria-ridden hospitals really are they would never take a child there unless absolutely necessary. Yet you see little kids running around the hospital, playing hide and seek, walking around barefoot, babies crawling on the floor. Awww, did you drop your Nuk? No problem I'll just wipe it off on my pants and pop it back in your mouth....

Disgusting!

I would tell him he is not choosing between his children.. he is just being a parent, and needs to step up to the plate w/the new one. That he cant be in two places at once, and if you were an intact family, THIS would not be being discussed... he would be staying someplace safe while you two are concentrating.

Tell him when he decides to push something that is anywhere from 6 lbs to 9 lbs out of his penis.. then he can decide if ss will be present for that or not... but until then, this is your body, this is your peice of mind that you are DEMANDING that ss be someplace w/adults that can watch him.. not check on him periodically..

MEN.. they can be so freakin stupid. I am due in 2.5 mths.. and let me tell you.. I would be LIVID if dh even suggested that my skids be there. He KNOWS that his place will be w/me and helping me through this. This is a big deal, not a picnic.. not an outting.. not something to do w/ss.. this can be majorly tramatizing to YOUR body... to YOUR psyche..

He is being an @ss. I am so sorry.

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

Sorry, girl. I can't let this one go.

He is trying to guilt/manipulate you into getting his way-when his way is not supportive of his wife, but a ridiculous demand in the first place.

Choose between his children indeed. What a load of crap.

Time to stand up for you. Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you don't care if he wants to accuse you of being selfish, or whatever. If there ever is a time in a womans life where she is allowed to think of her own self, of her own feelings, of her own body, it is when she is giving birth. And he wants to take that away from you? He's selfish. He's immature. Actually those are kind words for what I want to say. Sorry, but facts is facts.

Sorry again. I feel your anger, I feel your pain, and I will never understand how a man who is supposed to love you, who has created this new life with you, can't put you first for the hours it will take to give birth to that new life. What a jerk!

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

husbands demands and how upset you are over them, and see if they will refuse him permission to have his son there?

Just a thought

Also, keep in mind (just had my birthing class on Saturday) that you can go into labor anywhere from 3 weeks before your due date to 2 weeks after. Make sure whoever you are setting up as a sitter for ss is available those times, or that you have more than one person available in case some of that time doesnt work for them.

How do you think he will go on this? do you think he will wake up and realize that he is being a bafoon and be present for this child's birth? do you think that you would want to stay w/him after if he doesnt show up?

Was he present for ss's birth? and if not, perhaps he needs to go to a birthing class w/you and they will wake him up to reality!!

Again, I am sorry that he is making things difficult. I know that when I was 3 mths along, dh told me that I was trying to come between him and his kids when I suggested that he leave on time to drop them off, rather than an hour late like he ended up doing. How that is coming between you and your kids still leaves me baffled. We had a HUGE blow out over this. At that point, I told him that I didnt need him, nor did the baby, we would be just fine w/o him if he was going to have this type of mentality toward his kids vs our kid together mentality.

Your DH is being a Dick Head! How old is SS? From your previous blogs it sounds like you are still in your first trimester. If you aren't due for 6 or more months.....you still have time. Don't worry about this discussion too early. This all still might not have settled in in DH's mind. Let him process one thing at a time. Men work that way sometimes. I would bring up to him as well, what if you have to have a c-section. What would happen to SS then? He can't come into the operating room with you. IMO I don't think any kid needs to witness childbirth. Let him watch a baby story or an actual birth and see how he reacts. SS might tell dear old Daddy that he doesn't want to be there.

Your DH is being a Dick Head! How old is SS? From your previous blogs it sounds like you are still in your first trimester. If you aren't due for 6 or more months.....you still have time. Don't worry about this discussion too early. This all still might not have settled in in DH's mind. Let him process one thing at a time. Men work that way sometimes. I would bring up to him as well, what if you have to have a c-section. What would happen to SS then? He can't come into the operating room with you. IMO I don't think any kid needs to witness childbirth. Let him watch a baby story or an actual birth and see how he reacts. SS might tell dear old Daddy that he doesn't want to be there.

Your DH is being a Dick Head! How old is SS? From your previous blogs it sounds like you are still in your first trimester. If you aren't due for 6 or more months.....you still have time. Don't worry about this discussion too early. This all still might not have settled in in DH's mind. Let him process one thing at a time. Men work that way sometimes. I would bring up to him as well, what if you have to have a c-section. What would happen to SS then? He can't come into the operating room with you. IMO I don't think any kid needs to witness childbirth. Let him watch a baby story or an actual birth and see how he reacts. SS might tell dear old Daddy that he doesn't want to be there.

We had seen a special on them when she was having her 16th baby & all the kids were at the hospital while she was in labor. DH turned to me & said, what to hell is wrong with this picture, who would want their kid to see this?

Baby's come when they want, our son was 3 1/2 weeks early & I was in labor for 24 hrs & then had an emergency c section. No one was there but DH & I, his wish as that was our special time. My parents & the skids showed up just about the same time I got up from recovery.

We did have the skids the weekend I came home but they went home on Sunday because I had to go back to the ER because of pain I was having. If I had a do over I would have skipped that visitation. They also spent the second week at home with DH & I for bonding... I would have skipped that too for other reasons.

I will say though my kids are very well behaved & looked forward to the baby's birth as much as we did. The three of them have a very close bond. They came each day I was in the hospital for a couple of hours with DH to see me & the baby. All the time together was a ot for me to handle with my one & only baby, BUT I do believe that it contributed to the closeness of the boys.

Your husband is being very selfish & emotional this is not about either him or SS and neither will the weeks following the baby's arrival. Let him read our blogs & learn from our experience.

Is there any reason that the child can't stay with his mother? She may enjoy having the extra parenting time. The other parent would always be my first choice rather than extended family.

SS10 should NOT be in the waiting room by himself.. and DH cant be in the waiting room, as his place is in the DELIVERY room. I would point out that this child should get the same benefits and privleges as SS has received over his life time. That SS can do w/o his dear old dad for however many hours it takes for you to bring your new baby into this world. That you need his support and love, and if he cant give it... because he is too concerned w/SS, then perhaps he will only be seeing this child EOW. I have actually used that line on DH before, and it shuts him up. I do not threaten divorce lightly, but have told him that I will tolerate no less for my child, than he gives to the other two. And one of the things he gives them is his time.

Tell your dh the same thing. Also, tell him for me that he is being a giant jerk, and this 7.5 mth pregnant person would love nothing better than to fly to WA and knock some sense into that thick brain of his.

Also, what if it got to be 1am in the morning.. the baby still hasnt come out.. is that any place for a 10 yr old to be? no.. they should be in bed at a trusted adult's house. NOT trying to sleep in a waiting room. What is dh going to do.. then suggest he drive home w/ss and come back in the morning.. HOPEFULLY the baby will not have come in the meantime!?!??!?! What is wrong w/him. Was ss a c-section and over and done w/in a matter of hours not days????

You can't rent space in my head, I reserve the right to evict you.

I love my skids. But I'll be damned if DH insists that they be there when I'm giving birth this October. That's OUR special time (not to mention that I'll probably be screaming like a deranged banchee) and I don't want an audience. I doubt I'd have to even entertain that possibility, but it (hypothetically) makes my blood boil!

I read your post to my DH, and he even thinks that your H is being an ass, and said that there was no way in hell that he would have pushed for SD to be with us at the hospital when our BS was born.

So, tell your H that you're going to schedule a colonoscopy for him so the Dr can find his head and get it out of his ass - and let him know that SS can be there to hold his hand...