Sounds like BF needs "Gail" to the rescue!!

http://www.gailvazoxlade.com/

She is the Nanny 911 of finance in Canada-fantastic show!

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

My situation sounds just like yours, now looking back I call them red flags I ignored.

When I met my H he was living on a friends couch (in a disgusting 1 bedroom dump) and driving a car he bought for $100. He was laid off and had been for nearly a year. He was paying ALL his money to CS/daycare expenses (which BM didn't have and was pocketing). He was a raging alchoholic with no prospects, no nothing except the clothes on his back.

I actually was dating his roommate first. But after he got arrested I was done with him, although we still were all friends and partied a lot (I was 21 then). My H kept bugging me for a date, kept saying he wanted to come home with me, didn't want to be in the situation he was in yada yada. Although he never mentioned SD, she was not really in the picture till later.

So I stupidly though I could help him, and he was pretty cute (I know now that doesn't matter AT ALL in relationships). He drank a lot less, he got a job from my uncle, I got him to catch BM lying about daycare payments, so that lessened his load finanically. Eventually he moved in with me, paying half expenses--the rest is history.

Periodically he would make such stupid decisions financially. Every few months since I meet him we are contacted about money he owes from before I meet him. It is so frustrating, I wish I had made the decision not to help him--keep him as a friend.

These stupid mistakes that will put us in the hole, like $180 on ammo, are killing us. He makes them every few months it really puts a tight budget beyond its limits.

I feel for you, I was/am in your position. Really think about this before you get married. He will likely get worse than better. Once you are married the credit is brought up together--whether or not you keep your finances together.

which is one of the reasons he is my EX HUSBAND.

Northern, I can totally relate to your frustration. When finances are limited, it is all the more reasons you have to be on budget and even more responsible with your money.

This was something that my ex NEVER understood. We were married too young (both 22) and found out right after our wedding shower that I was pregnant. So 7-1/2 months after we got married, we had our son, who was born with a disability. I now needed to stay at home and care for him, meaning we were a one-income family... and his income was not much!

Time for some belt-tightening, you'd think? Nope, not in his mind! He'd go out drinking and partying with his buddies, buying useless crap (new golf clubs, electronics, etc), and other risky behaviors; meanwhile we didn't have enough money to pay the bills or buy formula for our baby.

But it never seemed to bother him.

Then he got this "brilliant" idea with his drinking buddy to quit his job and go into business for themselves! BOOM!!!
Now we had no insurance and a disabled child.

Oh it got worse...ten LONG years of stupid, reckless decisions which put me and my two sons continually at risk. But it NEVER seemed to phase him.

Finally I wised up. And now, he's someone else's problem.
And from what I hear- he's STILL making the same reckless, stupid decisions when it comes to finances.
But he's NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE.

The point is, Northern, unfortunately, this is usually something that does not change in a person. Your FH is who he is when it comes to money the way he handles finances. I would think LONG and HARD before making him your DH and putting yourself at greater risk, financially speaking.

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

When my ex made those horrible decisions (quitting his job, spending the money on frivolous things, going out and partying with his friends), it was more than just the financial aspect which got to me.

It was like he was saying to me, "Our family is NOT important to me. I choose to put other things ahead of my wife and my children."

And it was exactly his lack of responsibility, his immaturuty, and his impulsivity which ultimately doomed our marriage.

So I can appreciate why you would add to it the health issues as well. Not taking care of himself certainly adds to the mix the feeling that he is not serious about "putting your family first" and making your relationship a priority.

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

but I pay the bills from both. I pay his bills from his account and my bills from mine. The only problem I have with this is if something happen to me he would be lost...also if he wants to get me something he has to ask does he have money in his account. It is not that H is not responsible financially ... truth be told he is tighter with money than I... but I do it because he works physical labor - earth mover - so it is easier for me to pay bills on my break than have him do them at night or weekends. Perhaps I should start doing it on weekends together... that way he is in the loop.

Don't get mad, but my honest opinion is to not marry this man or have a child with him until he learns proper financial management. If this is an issue now it will be an even bigger issue later.

If FH keeps money in his account, why don't you sign up for bill pay. Most places have it set up so that you can pay your bills online. You can even set it up for automatic deduction when the bills are due. Check to see if even the car payment can be automatically deducted from his checking account. That will save both of you a lot of aggravation.

My exH handled all the bills and he was good at it. My current H...not so well. He used to get calls from creditors about his truck payment and other stuff but he now has it set up on an auto deduct and it is working out well. I used to stay on top of everything too but I've kind of slipped a little myself over the past few months. That is going to change. I don't mind being responsible for making sure the bills are paid. As it is now, H pays the rent and his personal bills and I pay utilities and usually groceries. At least he is good about making sure the rent is paid on time.

when yur NOT the one paying the bills, or I should say writing the bills, every month...there's no pressure to worry about what needs to be paid when. So if yur just handing over $$$ to someone to pay yur bills for u...why should u worry???...I made my DH's life too easy in the beginning and took care of everything, but when skids came to live with us full time, I said...no...we have to sit down and do bills together from now on....so far so good...so there's hope

"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"

Every time I've typed a response here it turns into a vent of biblical proportions. So this is it in the best nutshell I can give ya.

Maybe you and FH can set up an appt for financial advising as part of your pre-wedding agenda. I know it's hard to rationalize a fee when things are tight. But I have been through this with both the men I married as well. It's not all their fault, a lot of it was exwife debt, but I also have seen DH very unaware of what we spend and on what. He often thinks it's me, and groceries, eating out, stuff for the house and kids. It is part of it. But he impulsively shops TOO.

I have stopped using credit cards, except for rare online purchases because I think a credit card is less risky than giving out my banking info. If I do use it for an online purchase (like a 20 book purchase or such) I at least pay that extra the next month's payment so it's like I didn't even use it. But DH will see we're low in our checking acct, and rather than just say let's stop buying til next week, he uses his credit card (for gas, for dinner, etc) thinking he's going to pay extra on the payment, then make the minimum payment. Then when we get taxes back, he's saying, "Well, we have to pay this 2500 buck cc off first." We have a couple larger balanced cards we need to pay off and at this rate it just never happens.

UGH. I think like you it's a bad combo. I'm no good at budgeting, but can contain myself to only spending what's in the bank, but seem to always manage to spend what's in the bank and never save. And my DH has the mindset that he makes good money, so if he wants a new gadget he deserves it. If there's no extra money in the bank that month then use a credit card and pay later (or forget to!) I could share a million tales of woe myself!

"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." ~Geoffrey F. Abert

to be married to a teenager.

Don't help the man out. Just don't do it. Watch how he handles things financially & if you don't like it DON'T MARRY HIM. When you are looking for a man, you're really looking for a lifestyle. You cannot change a man, you cannot teach a man AND remain sane.

Count how many times he makes life easier for YOU! Subtract ten for each time you have to help him. Do the math.

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

They (he) can't take the time to be an adult and be mature about finances...a telling personality trait. I think it was Suze Orman (sp), but not certain, who said people handle their finances the same way they handle relationships.

Boy, have I found that out to be true of H. He is a bully. He is lazy. He wants it all for him and his darlings and the hell with everyone else (even his wife, even the people-my parents) who are providing the roof over his head.

So yep. He's irresponsible-to put it mildly-in all aspects of his life. Because anything else requires effort, which he is too lazy to expend unless its for gambling.

If your bf truly felt guilty, he'd do something about it. Guilt is one of the greatest motivators...sorry to say. But honestly, ask yourself this-if you feel guilty about something, don't you stop doing it????

Tell ya what-I raised 2 sons. good men. I am not going to finish my life trying to raise a 44 year old 250 lb. baby who won't change his own diaper (referring here to his tax mess).

The way that I read your post is not that he is doing anything to get one over on you in regards to money - it's just that he has created this pattern in his life with money and the way that he has handled it up until he met you. Obviously we all see that that is not the correct way to handle your finances. He isn't a kid and he needs to learn to handle paying bills as an adult. Someone above suggested bill pay which is something that I strongly urge you to teach him. Help him set up the bills and show him how to pay them online once a month. It is the easiest thing in the world and will make life a lot easier for both of you. He can also pay the accounts that have your name on them from his account. For example I have a cc with a dept store that my FH uses for tools and such but he pays that bill through his bill pay account. My Fh and I have seperate accounts. He transfer to my account the first of every month X amount to cover his share of the mortgage and utilities and groceries. Then he pays his own cc bills, cell phone bills, etc., and I do the same. It is so much easier this way. Good luck with your situation and I hope you can get him straightened out so you do not have to get these harassing phone calls. I actually used to go out with someone that had a cash lifestyle and it drove me up the wall. Once I got him to see the light and do things in an easier and more productive way he was thankful to me for the help. It did take some work on my part not to kill him though til he "got it".

My best friend has this exact same problem with her husband, minus the kid. She has their accounts separate & she manages both of them, and gives him an allowance. She pays his bills with his money as soon as he gets paid and keep track of all of it. Any extra after everything is paid she gives him in cash. He doesn't keep the atm card or checkbook, she does. Mor work for her, but she realized after 5 years that he was never gong to "get it" and she didn't want either of their credit messed up, so she does what she has to do. Thats the only way it works fo them.

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"