The occasional glimpse of a light at the end of the tunnell.
Well, I have certianly shared my problems on this site so I thought I should check back in and share a few positive notes. Despite the best attempts of BM #1, BM #2, and SD #1, I have developed a pretty good relationship and repor with SS #2 and SD #2.
Last night SD gave me a homemade card that refered to me as Mom. I was quite pleasantly surprised. I have also had some positive dealings with SS who is now 13.
The SD #1 who gave me TONS of trouble accusations ect finally allowed her child to spend the weekend at our home. She hasn't admited and probably never will, admit that I was not violent towards her, but I consider her letting her child be around our house kind of close to admiting that I'm not so scary after all. I guess everything falls apart in the face of free babysitting when someone wants to go on a trip to the ocean.
Well, things aren't perfect. BM #2 is still up to her same old shenanigans in the court system, but never seems to get very far. I think that the judges get a little tired of mud slinging after a while. As do I.
Well if anyone is reading this and feeling their situation is hopeless I don't claim to be an expert but here are a few things that are working for me. I always have a welcoming smile for my skids and do my best to make them feel at home. HB and I don't badmouth bm's even when things are bad. I have basically given the skids space to decide if they wanted a relationship with me; and they decided that they did -all on their own. Bear in mind this has taken about four or five years. Rome is not built in a day.
Best of luck to anyone struggling or otherwise.
// Susanna
- Susanna's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Susanna, I appreciate your
Susanna, I appreciate your comments. I am in the midst of being excluded big-time by a pregnant SD and I take it that you have an SD who has a child and "finally allowed her child to spend the weekend" at your home.
I don't foresee any end to my situation. SD will have a baby in a couple of months and I'm expecting her to ban me from the hospital and generally ban me from seeing her baby. I guess I am a big ugly monster who can't be trusted around children. I was good enough to help pay for SDs college, her wedding, give her a college graduation party, take her on vacation with us to Hawaii and Disneyworld and I've raised two children of my own who are functioning adults. But for some reason I can't fathom SD now hates me, is on a big vendetta against me, and is using her unborn child as a weapon (sick!).
Susanna, I like your attitude of giving the skids space to decide if they want a relationship with you. I'm going to stop giving and trying and let them decide. The door is always open but they have to walk through it.
Yes, it can be hard though.
I do and did try to give the kids a space to decide for themselves. As far as SD#1 using the child as a way to be petty, yeah that it pretty lame, but people do it. I had pretty much given up EVER having a relationship with my s-grandson, but -after- SD1 had her second baby I finally got to see him. I still think free babysitting is a powerful ally in the quest to see the grand-skids. After all babysitting can be very expensive ect.
Well, I certianly wish you luck with your situation. It is quite difficult but try to hang in there.
// Sus
"One breath at a time is an acceptable plan."
Ani DiFranco
Silly StepMom, the light at the end of the tunnel is a TRAIN!
Susanna,
Just joking of course.
Good for you, I am glad that you have made progress in your Skid relationships. Though my SS and I have had our fair share of tension and friction over the past 16yrs we have always had a caring and mutually respectful relationship.
Hang in there, even the slow ones (kids) will eventually understand which adults in their lives truly love them. Usually the ones that are there during the good times and the bad and who allow the kids to learn from their own experiences.
Unfortunately too many kids don't listen and have to feel for themselves. It sounds to me that SD#1 has felt for herself and is coming around.
Best regards,
oh no
I think my train is on rollercoaster rails.
"One breath at a time is an acceptable plan."
Ani DiFranco
That is great!
It must feel good to finally reach some acceptance. I will take your ideas to heart!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin