OT: forgot to mention
This is OT but I wanted to mention this as it has been bothering me. H heard me talking to a friend on the phone after MIL's funeral and got very upset with me. First let me say I'm a Baptist and MIL was a non-practicing Catholic. For some reason the oldest sil decided that the funeral should be Catholic. I told my friend that the service was a bit confusing to me as I have never been to a Catholic service before and I was afraid that I might have done something incorrect. I wasn't sure if I should have apologized to the priest and oldest sil or if I should just let it go. For some reason H got mad, I had tried to talk to him about it but he wouldn't. Now this has become a big issue with him. He keeps bringing it up and I wish he would shut up about it.
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I am sure
Allowances will be made for those in the service who are not Catholic-I am Baptist as well and have attended different services and differences do not seem to be a big deal.
What was H upset about specifically?
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
no worries
I know Catholic services can be confusing but dont fret ...we know they are such and will forgive any "infraction"lol unless of course you got up and sang a round of row row your boat!
lol
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Believe it or not because I
Believe it or not because I asked him where the hymnals were and which hymns we were be singing. I had no idea that we weren't going to sing. I mentioned this to my friend and told her I didn't know if this was strictly on the SILs or if it was part of the Catholic service. I still don't know. :? Every other funeral I've attended there has been music and eulogies, but not at MIL's. Plus I had said to him that I didn't appreciate the priest flicking water on me. I thought that was out of line since he should have realized not everyone at the service was of his faith.
that is plain silly
b/c you asked about the hymnals, I think something else must be a factor or he is just hyper sensitve b/c of the grieving?
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
I think you're absolutely correct, SarahB
At first when I read the post, I thought you had done something much more serious, Ferretmom- like received Holy Eucharist! (A BIG NO-NO for non-Catholics to do).
But your DH is just WAY over-reacting here, and I think his grief has something to do with it.
Quite frankly, as a devout Catholic myself who has attended MANY funerals and used to get paid to sing at them, I'm very surprised there was no liturgical music at her Mass.
And as for the Holy water- that's a perfectly natural reaction you had. Even us Catholics get get a little edgy if we get "flicked" in the eye with the Holy water when we're not ready for it
He's gotta get over himself- you didn't do anything wrong, girl!
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
You didn't appreciate the priest flicking water on you....
LOL!!!!!!!! Okay, I know...not intended to be funny. That seriously struck my funny bone! ha! Ha! HAAAAA!!!
I told my friend that there
I told my friend that there I was head bowed praying and all of a sudden I get a faceful of water. It was a bit of a shock. I would have liked to have been warned it would happen. But what do I know, according to oldest sil I'm a heathen.
I think MIL would have enjoyed a nice round of Row Your Boat, she had that kind of humor.
God Bless your MIL!
You know, Ferretmom- I totally agree with you about the water. It was your Hs responsibility to let you know that "it was coming" and to warn you- you were out of your element and did not know the customs/rituals and it was his responsibility to tell you. Shame on him.
I make it a point, as an educator of my faith, to let anyone who is not a member, know what is to be "expected" during the various liturgies- so they are not surprised or embarrassed. But that's just me.
And as for your SIL making those "pronouncements" about you being a "heathen", all I can say is, shame on her, too.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
Let me describe it to you
Let me describe it to you all. Tuesday night was the viewing, over in one hour. Wensday, at the graveside the priest read The Lord's Prayer, flicked water, said a quick prayer, everyone leaves. Is it just me or was that just a little bit odd? :?
No- not odd
at the graveside, there is usually not singing. However, because you said she was Catholic, I just assumed she had a full Mass of Christian burial- which of course, then there most likely would have been singing. (Guess I should not have assumed.)
In this scenario, it makes much more sense- it was a "prayer service" and not a Mass.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
Also as a non-Catholic, I was a bit confused at my dear
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
aunt's funeral, a couple of years ago. But I do recall singing-must be a different denomination or something. I also did not get flicked with Holy Water.
My guess is, since your husband tends to blame you for everything, his grief at the loss of his mother is at the root of this. I cannot imagine that you were out of line, or did anything disrespectful, so obviously he's just taking something else out on you. Nothing new there.
Funerals can bring out the worst in people
Your H is getting bent out of shape over nothing, although I can understand why...he's not exactly in the best psychological health as it is, and coupled with dealing with his mother's death, sounds like he's having a hard time coping. It doesn't excuse his reaction, though, especially in light of the fact you are not familiar with Catholic services, but I would bet that it NEVER occurred to him to explain it to you so you wouldn't be caught off guard. But he's not exactly thinking straight these days, is he?
There's always one in every crowd. When my brother died I arranged for my Pastor to conduct the funeral service. My older brother, ButtMunch, made a total ass of himself and embarrassed me to no end. I expected more from him than that, but I had to let it go and just remember to consider the source.
As an aside, my first H was Catholic (I am not) and we were married in the Catholic church. The Priest really liked me a lot and insisted that I take Communion even though I was not Catholic. I find the Catholic services very beautiful but have a hard time taking that final leap and convert, simply because I just don't believe everything the Catholic church teaches. I don't want to cherry pick my faith. I've also attended Lutheran "high church" which I jokingly call "Catholic Light." I liked the Lutheran services because the only requirement for taking Communion is that you believe.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. It has to be tough on you. You probably feel like you're taking heat no matter what you do. I think you'll be needing another vacation just to keep your sanity.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}