The counselor you are seeing needs to talk some sense into your wife! Maybe hearing it from a professional will make a difference. You sound like a very loving and concerned step-father. Kudos to you for doing what you think is best for your stepdaughter. Contrary to popular belief, children need boundaries and rules. Its up to the adults to create them. If your wife is unwilling to do that, it will create quite the monster. There are many women on this site who deal with horribly spoiled stepchildren. I'm sure they can tell you just how damaging it is to have a spoiled rotten child around the house.

threat to BioDad among other things.

1. Since most CPs are Mom's and we are married to Mom's we are the guiding male example and provide the structure for the kids on a daily basis. This makes us evil. }:) At least in the eyes of kids, the BioDad's and many in the Skids extended family.

2. Since we tend to be on the CP side of the blended family and are the Skids primary male parent on a daily basis many NCP BioDads become Disney Dad's and do cool stuff as often as possible when the Skids are with them. This makes them fun and good and us evil. }:)

3. Since we are the primary male parent (in most cases) we are the ones that live with the Skids every day, see their behavior problems and are the ones to correct those problems on a regular basis. When the Skids are with BioDad, BioDad gets the benefit of the well behaved, or at least better behaved, kid because often the Skids don't wan BioDad to think they are rude little brats. This makes us evil. }:)

So, yes. I think many Sparents (Dads or Moms) regardless of if we are married to the CP or NCP struggle with this. NCSparents are in the NCPs life and take focus away from the Skids. At least that seems to be the prevailing wind for the NCSparents.

Not to say that there are not issues in Sparent land that we could all use some work on, but, if the issue is an Extended Blended Family that will not allow you perform your responsibilities as a Sparent then I would say that you do not have an issue likely to follow you to future relationships.

Best regards,

You are in a no win situation until your wife is ready to accept the problems at face value. Kids of separated parents find it easy to use disorders to control the family. But the bottom line needs to be that she is a child and not in control of the family. Rules should be enforced whether or not she has a disorder. You are not wrong for wanting peace and order in your home. You are not running away, but disengaging may be the only solution. Your wife needs to understand that she can't expect you to try out for step-dad of the year while letting the sd walk all over you.

the same from time to time. I am glad that my wife and I have a relationship where we share values, morales, and support one another on everything. Yes we may disagree but we work it out. I think Rags said alot with his blog. The men are considered as replacing their father. All we are trying to do is be a husband. The kids work themselves out.

I wonder if it is worse on step mothers or step fathers?