Yes, I am there...."resentment" has taken over my life and I am tired of dealing with a moody fiancé who mis-directs his anger over his loser child towards me.

Here is some back-ground: We are supposed to get married next year, been together for almost 10 years(yes, I've been dragging my feet on the wedding thing)and both of his kids have lived with us from about 16 on until now (SSS one is 23, the other SS is 21). The older is gone and in the military (but who knows how long), but the younger one is a total manipulative loser. The older one is not any better but at least not living with us anymore. They are expert liars, cheats and lazy as the day is long.

Yes, I do have some anger and yes, I do resent them and yes, I wanna go as far as saying that I hate them. I never thought I would hate anyone, but I really despise them with all my heart. My skin crawls when they walk into the house and words come out of their mouth, words of deceit and manipulation.

Furthermore, my fiance is terribly influenced by this. Meaning that he gets mad when I tell him about the latest crap that was done by SS21, but it's ok if he says something, if I do it I am an angry b-word person.

Let's recap:
The last 4 years have been hell. SS21 began skipping school, not doing his home-work, drinking, drugging and hanging with the wrong crowd (I must say at this point I think he is the bad crowd, so I'm sorry for kids that hang out with him and also for their families).

In a nutshell:
2007: Began drinking, drugging, skipping school
2008: Spring: Dropped out of school, jailed, bailed out, Re-hab, psych-ward, treatment (found out he has been drugging while living with BM since he is 12). We paid for all. Ok, for about 4 weeks, then disappeared again, no word, we still paid for cell phone, then we cancelled it because he was not answering when we called. Summer: Received a call from some girl who claims SS21 has been living with her and her parents and that they are having troubles with him (well, their problem not mine). Further, she states that SS21 claims that his dad (my fiance) is an abusive alcoholic that beats him constantly, and that he has sex with me several times and so did his brother. To say I was in shock, is putting it mildly. Winter:Heard from him 3 months later by Christmas we find out through an ex-girlfriend that the 15 year old he is dating is pregnant and he is living with her and her parents.
2009: Off and on again relationship with SS21's baby-momma (Girlfriend-GF) is becoming increasingly violent (mostly on her part), he is drugging and apparently selling drugs, nobody at their house (his GF's parents house) is working, they sleep all day, play video games, go out all night and live of well-fare...he returns home to us several times during their break-ups, is jailed several times during that time, but besides the first time we refuse to bail him out after that....Summer: SS21 gets married, SS21 & GF have child, who has sever problems (drug use during pregnancy we presume), the child was born with spina-bifida, he continues living with GF & Baby at in-laws house
2010: Spring: the relationship between SS21 & GF is a live Jerry Springer Show, he is thrown out by the in-laws and claims to live on the streets (yeah, whatever)....Summer: Calls us to whine and that he needs another chance, we tell him no...a few weeks later, while I am in England visiting my family I get a call a day before my fiance is to fly to England stating that he is bring SS21, REALLY?...oh well so he brought SS21 who was basically rude, lazy and chasing skirts...he even slept with my 30 year old cousin (yeah, I know that doesn't say much about here either, but anyways)....Late Summer: We return from England and of course he has moved back in with us, I wasn't even asked if that was ok. He made it 4 weeks (that seems to be his magic number), totaled his dad's brand new SUV and then disappeared again, same routine as always, he cannot live by our rules, so therefore he leaves, gets drunk, stoned whatever, and does illegal other things too....Early Fall: In jail again, once, twice, three-times in 1.5 months, that's a record....fiance bailed him out (which made me unhappy but I kept silent)....he disappears again...Late Fall: After last jailing, has problems, car was somewhere on the side of the road, not starting, not registered not insured etc....so again, I helped...I jumped the car for him and said good bye....a few days later he calls asking if he can move back in...so I sit down with fiance, write out contract and say, ok this is....last chance....so now he is back.....and its my own darn fault for being so nice....the contract he has to sign had a list of things that he needs to be doing for himself, and the future and of course about respect to us our home etc....well, more to that later....

....PS: I like to point out that I am the one they ( yes SS23 and SS21) call when shit hits the fan, and not their father or their BM for that matter (who is BAD person), and that basically I am the one holding down the fort, fiance travels alot, and does not want to be bothered most of the time....I really don't think he had a clue about the extent of the drama until this year...the sleepless nights I went through when fiance was gone worried that in a drug-rage I may be attacked, or that he would come over and rob our house, or kill me....his anger outbursts are very very scary.....

This is turning out to be a really long post and I don't want to lose your interest but I really need to vent and I wanted you all to have background. So here is what is going on now:
1-He did finish his GED (took him almost 4 months, really?)
2-Found a job but barely works, maybe 20 hours a week
3-Sold his car that he was supposed to get repaired for way under value
4-Bought a new car (at 29% interest, yes he DID) because his dad and I don't know nothing
5-Had car 3 days totaled it last Saturday, and who had to come to the rescue, yes me, dad was out of town, he is magically out of town almost every time shit hits the fan
6-In the lat week has not being coming home at night, comes home around 2isch in the afternoon, showers, changes, eats and leaves...does not let us know where he is at, does barely work, and if he goes to work leaves early and often lies to us about being at work

Result of the last 4 years and the last couple of weeks: I am contemplating not getting married, because my fiance becomes mean an unjust towards me because of the kids, he is confrontational and berates me..treats me poorly and chastises me in front of the SS21 and also friends. There is so much resentment here from all sides....and I don't want to deal with this anymore...but also love my fiance and wish it could work. When I try talking to him about how he treats me he blocks and becomes mean...I don't know what to do...??

Thanks for letting me vent and I am really looking forward to your support, suggestions etc..!

Help! Thanks, Ziska!