Almost Done!

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I've been disengaged for two years now and it has been BLISSFUL. It saved my sanity, improved my marriage, and gave me back the peace of mind I'd lost by subjugating myself so that another woman's asshole kids would like me. They are horrible to me, pretty horrible to my husband, and generally rotten to my own biokids. Why would I want people like that in my life? Or in my house?! I was open and upfront with DH and have his unwavering support.

We make our last CS payment in mid-May. Then we are DONE. All three SDs are legally adults and high school graduation for the youngest is upon us. No more psycho BM calling/texting/existing in our world, no more crazy demands, no more access to our life for any reason. The SDs can pursue a relationship with DH if they want, and he remains free to do whatever he wants, except bring horrible people into my home. I'd rather spend every holiday without him if he is able to spend them with his kids than have those kids in my home just to have a turkey with my hubs. Our daily life is precious and happy, and it's enough for me. I won't stand in his way, but I will not consent to the violation of my boundaries.

I have loved this site since the moment I stumbled upon it three years ago. There's nowhere else in the world where people like us can vent, commiserate, and get support. There have been many points in the last ten years when I didn't think I would make it to this day, but here we are! I am happy and excited and I just wanted to share with you all and tell you to HOLD ON. It gets better! They become adults!

Now I suppose I ought to start reading the adult SKID board. Maybe I shouldn't be so relieved just yet!

Seriously though, HALLELUJAH! Free at last!
xooxox

Lucky you! 11 more years for

Lucky you!

11 more years for me...:(

You'll make it. I didn't

You'll make it. I didn't think I would, but I did. I went half-crazy for a lot of it, but I made it. Disengaging saved me and my marriage. I have a pretty badass hubs though, and he and I have worked really hard to come to terms with the reality of things. We failed to realize just how much power BM had over OUR family! We had these visions of happiness, blending, and big, full family dinner tables with fun vacations and great memories. BM is a whackjob though and my skids never stood a chance at being allowed to be happy with us in their lives. I wonder if, with some distance from her, and with maturity, they'll see things differently. I'm not optimistic, but I wonder. I've always said that my door would be open to them if they could own their behavior, apologize for being hurtful, and treat me with respect. None of those things has yet happened, but those are still my boundaries. I'm here, loving their dad and living the best life I know how to live. They could be a part of it if they could show some decency.

Hang in there!

My skids are all adults now

My skids are all adults now and the drama continues. I am so over this. It is truly exhausting.

Congratulations and good

Congratulations and good luck! My skids are in their 20s and all pas'd but quite honestly they have gotten worse as they got older.
Some times wisdom comes with age....other times age comes alone.

Even for the CP household the

Even for the CP household the end of the CO is a big milestone. Putting the toxic opposition in your rear view mirror and letting the Skid see for themselves the detail and unfiltered toxicity that you have been protecting them from regarding the shallow and polluted end of their gene pools for all of the years.

Generally my Skid/blended family marriage experience has been pretty good. The skid, SS-22, is doing his thing, is self supporting, and stays positively engaged with his mom and I and with my family, and also with my ILs. He has little use for the Sperm Clan and has absolute clarity on how toxic they are.

Congratulations on this fast approaching amazing milestone in your life and marriage.

I know! Seems like forever.

I know! Seems like forever. The last couple have been pretty awesome though, thanks to complete and total disengagement.

They came over until DH and I

They came over until DH and I said no more. It was a VERY difficult decision to make but it was a long time coming. The last straw was the big family graduation weekend for OSD and the other two were in my house FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK and did not speak a single word to me. DH saw it, tried repeatedly to correct it, told them how hurtful he thought it was, told them it hurt him that they would be so hurtful and disrespectful to his wife. They were 16 years old (twins) at the time and mature enough to know their behavior was a deliberate choice. After that experience, DH and I both decided they shouldn't be welcome in our home until they could be decent human beings.

Prior to this though, they were well on their way to PASing out of our lives anyway. BM is a borderline personality who struggles with anxiety and refuses to medicate herself with anything except liquor on Girls' Night. She is the most unhappy soul I've ever encountered and it seems like the happier and more stable we are, the crazier and angrier and more threatened she gets. VERY sad because the kids are the only ones really being hurt.

Congrats on seeing the light

Congrats on seeing the light at the end of your tunnel! And a big congrats on staying disengaged. I have an SD19 and an SD13 who wants to be a boy. I have known them and DH for 7 years. I have been married to DH for 5 years. BM has been dead for a little over 2 years.

I wish I could say I see the light at the end of my tunnel, but these SDs are whack. Notasm hit it on the head with her post above. These Disney Dads cater to their bios and the SMs (or StepDads with a DW) are left in the dust.

I have been setting stronger boundaries for myself of late. DH keeps asking where the old me is? I tell him when he starts parenting, he will see me return. I am getting closer and closer to not giving a shit what either side of the family thinks of my decisions anymore, regarding DH and the SDs. They drove me to where I am now. I stayed in a hotel last weekend for the first time. I am probably going to stay home for Easter so I have some peace and quiet. The alternative is picking up SD at campus with her BoyF and going to SIL's for the holiday. I can't stand SD19 anymore and DH knows I am close to tolerating absolutely ZERO from her enabled bitch woe is me self.

I am counting the years until they are both launched and out of my home, but unfortunately, SD19 doesn't have a BM to go to, so I fear the worst is yet to come with her.

But you, my dear friend, enjoy yourself and hold tight to those boundaries for you! Just because they are over 18 doesn't mean they still won't be a PITA.

~ Moon

Making that last cs payment

Making that last cs payment is such a great feeling, so celebrate! Break out the bubbly & savor the milestone. Yes, there will likely be bumps in the road ahead as skids will be skids, but you & your DH have EARNED this. Plenty of time to join us in the adult skid forum after your happy dance.

OSD has been on her own for

OSD has been on her own for two years now (college dorm and now an apartment) and DH has done nothing financially except for Christmas, birthday, and care packages. She has, by all appearances, launched! She works, she's in school, and she's paying her own car insurance and rent. So far, so good. Things look a little less hopeful for the younger two, but we are holding fast to our "No re-entry without apology, owning your behavior, and working to be better" policy. Weddings should be stressful but hopefully happy. Jail and getting evicted? That's not something DH would ever consider helping with. He's a tough cookie. Do right and he's your number one supporter, but do wrong and he's got nothing for you. I love that man.

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