Am I responsible for THEM?
Here's the short story. I have no children and lived an independent life before. I met my DH and moved in, he immediately wanted me to have an active roll in parenting cuz he has his kids FULLTIME. This was all good for about a yr. Then it got to where he wanted more of a babysitter than another parent figure cuz our parenting style are completely different. In my opinion, he would rather be a friend than a parent. I don't believe in that...you are their parent for a reason...not put on this earth to be their friend, they have plenty of those already. Fast forward to present day. I have totally disengaged myself from his kids and parenting. His children have absolutely NO respect for him or me. SD17 is a complete rude, snobby spoiled brat who thinks she deserves everything under the sun. SS13 is a compulsive liar (both he and dad agree), he has been caught w/pot several times at school and home, pills at school, and just recently was busted shoplifting. Both SK have also stolen from me, so much so I have resorted to locked up my bathroom and bedroom. So here's the deal. Tuesday DH allowed SS to have a friend stay the night willing knowing that DH had a meeting and would not be home until late at night. So what adult was home...me. Then the following day DH had another meeting and did not come home until 7, so who was there...me. Now grant it we both work 10 hr days also. No adult was home all day either. I told DH never ever was he to do this again to me. I am NOT a babysitter for his son let alone any of his thug friends. DH proceeds to tell my since I married him, when he's not home, I am resp for his children. I said the hell I am...am I not resp for ANY child that I have not birthed or adopted. Especially since he just wants me as a babysitter and I have been disengaged for about a yr now. So you all tell me...are these brats really my resp when their dad is not home. I just don't see how that is possible, I am not their BM nor have I adopted them. They want nothing to do with me & I feel the same exact way towards them.
Tell him you have plans for
Tell him you have plans for the evening or that if you MUST be in the house while he's not there, No Thugs Allowed.
I don't have a problem with my skids being there while my DH is at work, but their friends are not allowed until he is home.
After all that with your
After all that with your skids...I would say NO! You are not responsible for or to them. Unless you CHOOSE to be. I have recently disengaged from my Skids because I will no longer be taken advantage of and lied to repeatedly. I don't HAVE to love them, I don't HAVE to support them, I don't HAVE to be responsible for them. They have "real" parents...that's on them. I CHOSE to of all those things before...but now I am CHOOSING not to because I only need to do things for people in my life that respect me, and care for me, and don't want to intentionally hurt me. So NO you don't have to do anything. I too have my skids full time....but I haven't adopted them either...I got their dad's last name...period. If my bios treated my DH the way these skids have treated me, I would support my DH and would not expect hi to be responsible for mine either.
No, you are not responsible
No, you are not responsible for them, your DH just wants you to be.
Of course he wanted you to have an active role in parenting, he didn't want to do it all by himself, which is why he married you. I'm not saying that's the only reason he married you but it sure worked to his benefit.
It's so difficult when you
It's so difficult when you marry someone with children from a previous relationship. I'm sure single dads want to find someone to love but the truth is that they do need quite a lot of help with their children. My BF has a lot of expectations of what I'm supposed to be doing with his kids and I've had to put my foot down. I'm fine with helping out but those are your kids and your responsibility. I'm not staying home with your kids so that you can go to a bar and watch the game. I'm not a babysitter. I'm not going to give up all of my vacation time to cook and clean up after your kids...that is NOT a vacation. This past father's day, my BF kicked his feet up and acted as if he was king for a day. I had to tell him, you are not my father and those aren't my children. You're not helpless today and I'm not playing maid for a day to someone else's spawn.
Same here.. It took me a few
Same here.. It took me a few years of putting up with his and bms shit of making me the responsible one when they couldn't be..
This time I'm saying no. It's causing shit but I don't care.. I have no bio kids either and I made that choice. I refuse to be responsible for theirs..
Not your responsibility. I
Not your responsibility. I get really bugged by people who dump their kids off on other people who are not the bio parents! I did not dump my son, he was always my responsibility at the end of the day and if someone helped me it was a privilage to me as a parent, NOT an entitlement. Yes, I wish DH would have been more interactive with him but at the end of the day, it really was my responsibility. DH does try on occasion to dump his parental stuff on me but I will not do it no matter how much guilt trip he plays. He owns it and...like you, we do not have the same parenting styles and he has never had my back.
Dumping the skids is
Dumping the skids is annoying. While I don't mind if the skids are dropped off before DH gets home from work, if I have plans, the skids cannot come over until DH gets home.