am I suppose to..
Am I suppose to just sit back and wait and pick up where BM leaves off?
Long line of examples, and details short.. SD falls for every bullshit lie her mom tells her, even though SD knows that it was her mom who didnt contact them for 2 months.. SD refuses to acknowldge my exisitance for a little over 2 wks, she didnt want to come home.. I am told by some to treat her like my own, that wouldnt be ok if she were my kid.. people deserve more respect than that.. then I am told that she isnt mine.. its confusing.. am I suppose to be her play thing that she gets out when her mom decides she is done playing mommy.. am I suppose to jump up and say "oh ok princess now that you are done playing with mommy I will be more than happy to take you shopping, even though you blew it off the other day"
I want to say, I will cook for you.. thats about it, if you need help with homework, have a problem with that nasty girl on the bus, have boy trouble, period questions, bra issues, need or want a new hair cut or highlights (I went to beauty school so I do the haircuts), I want to tel her to leave my hair stuff alone.. we got her alot of things for her hair and she took them to her moms, but uses mine and my daughters and loses them or takes them to her moms.. I want to tell her that if the house catches on fire I will get her out safely.. but I am not her plaything, I am a person with feelings and I will not be used.. I would say the same thing to my bio kids, but then again I taught my kids to have some respect for people and their feelings.. if I say that to her then I am being a bitchy mean step mother.. but if I let her use me to make up where her mom left off then I am feeling like shit..
what to do, what to do???
I know how you feel. My SD15
I know how you feel. My SD15 is the same way. She is all about BM when BM decides to give SD15 the time of day, but as soon as SD15 figures out that BM is blowing her off again for booze and tattoos she is all about me and how much she wishes I was her only mom. Whatever...I am so over that crap. It's like they really enjoy spending time with us and doing things with us and getting our attention when it benefits them, but as soon as there is one little tiny glimpse of attention from BM it's "see ya, SM, I have to go get my fill of BM while I can before I become invisible to her again." Jeez! It's hard to treat them like your own when they do not have the respect and unconditional love for you that they have for their BPs, but what are you supposed to do when they treat you like shit? If you say anything about you are being the evil SM and need to learn to keep it to yourself, after all, they are just kids....whatever. I have decided not to take a back seat anymore when it comes to the respect I deserve in my own home from SD. I do EVERYTHING for her, from making sure she has spending money to taking her shopping to making sure she has something to eat when she is hungry and that the fridge is stocked with her favorite stuff to drink...and do I get a thank you or anything like that for it...nope...nada, zilch, zip, zero! It's tough when you are the mom they wish their BM would be, but they still give BM every chance to make things right and still get hurt. It's only natural for girls to want to have these great relationships with their BMs, but at some point you have to stand up for yourself and let her know that you respect her wishes about BM, but she is not going to continue to disrespect you just because you are not BM. So sorry you have to deal with that crap...it really stinks. I can't wait until my SD graduates in 3 years and goes off on her own (at least I'm hoping that will happen).
oh yeah.. I hear that alot,
oh yeah.. I hear that alot, how much she wishes I was her mom blah blah blah..
I guess I wouldnt be so mad about it if she would just be honest!
I have told her over and over if you want to go to your moms, email or call her just say something.. (sorry this isnt BMs house and kids can not just hop on the computer or call long distance without asking).. but she never does, on the rare occasion BM calls I will see it on caller id and tell her its her mom and give her the choice to answer it, she never does.. I dont answer it cuz I have nothing to say to the toothless wonder.
SD, and SS for that matter, have NEVER EVER said one positive thing about their mom, they constantly trash her.. I will tell them that is something they have to take up with her, and that she is their mom and they should love her.. I do not play into their trashing her at all.. but if she would have said once, ever, that she wanted to go to her moms, that she wanted something to do with her mom it would be different.. instead she is up my ass telling me how much she hates her mom, how much her mom does not do for her, how she is happy she lives here instead of with her mom..
I have treated her like my own kid.. but in return for that I get conditions.. my bio kids wouldnt do that to me, even my 21 yr old calls every single day, if my kids were sent somewhere for 2 wks they would call every day, at least 2 times a day and when something exciting happened.
I will do the basics for her, I will not go beyond that.. she has a mother, I shouldnt take time away from my bio kids for her when she is going to treat me like an old used toy that she can put away when she is done and play with when she wants..
After all I am a person with feeling before I am a step mother.. it def. wouldnt be ok for my bio kids to ignore me.. at least with the skids I do not have to deal with it..
if that makes me the evil mean stepmother than I guess thats what I am.. but I am not about to blow sunshine up anyones ass, hell maybe she will learn that she cant use people.
Now how do we get the password for the email she snuck and got at her moms house.. the kid has a perfect memory, she has never forgotten anything.. but for some reason she can not remember the answer to the secret question or her password.. to something that was made less than 2 wks ago.. wonder what on there that she dont want us to see..
If you know the username/ID
If you know the username/ID for the email, can you not just choose to make a new password since she has "forgotten" the old one? When I have had this kind of problem with SD because she was trying to hide things from us, I would just go and try to log in to the account and say I forgot the password and either choose to reset it or have the password sent to my email account. What a stinker!
The secret questions have to
The secret questions have to be answered, I got one, cant figure out the other one.. she claims that she forgot.. seriously she forgets nothing
My theory is if you have to hide it from us, then you probably shouldnt be doing it to begin with.
This is excellent advice! I
This is excellent advice! I am going to use it myself!