I've been carousing this site and it seems that everyone is in constant struggle. Is there a way to have a healthy relationship with your spouse, skid and even BM??
It also depends on how emotionally stable all the parties are. I have tried for 15 years to get my DH ex to act "normal". I even stayed away from events for my DH kids in order to NOT be intrusive. After 7 years of marriage, I finally started to attend events that, as a step I should attend. After all my DH attends all events for my children.
The problem is my DH ex uses every opportunity involving her children as a time to spew crap at my DH or create "situations". Example: SD graduated last week. The EX has her brother take a photos saying " I want just OUR family in the photos" Always creating awkward situations. My husband pulled me into the picture....ha ha ha.
If we say we are not attending some stupid party of the EX and that we are going to have our own celebration, like a birthday for one of the kids, the EX uses our not attending HER party as "why don't you want to be around your kids" which is NOT the case, we love being around the kids just NOT the EX for reasons already stated, the EX uses any event where we are around her as an opportunity to belittle my husband or make hateful remarks.
If she behaved like an adult, maybe we could combine meals, celebrations but to allow the EX to make nasty remarks, belittle us etc is to be a door mat. Comes a time when you need to say enough!
The kids are now adults and they don't like being around their mom whom they consider a nut job.
You'd never know SHE was the one who cheated and wanted the divorce!
I have a good relationship with my SD4. I also have a good relationship with BM(most of the time) we've even had her over for dinner twice and she's had us over aswell. BUT it takes time to get to where we are and is only possible if Mum, dad and step parents are mature enough really. We were having a few issues over really stupid stuff so we invited BM over for dinner and had a big talk. I pretty much told her I wasn't trying to be SD's mum and she apologized for being jelous. We talked about co parenting and how we wanted to really have that as much as possible and she wanted that too. We promised to not bad mouth each other to anyone, especially SD. We also promised if there were any issues they were to be delt with straight away instead of either party keeping it in an becoming bitter about it. But we also realize that there would be different rules in each house. So for now while we all get along we try and meet up as a 'family' once a month. It probably will change in the future but for now in a weird way it works. We are most definatly not the 'norm' but for us it works. So there is hope that you can have a good relationship but completely depends on ALL parties... Including us the step.
I have great skids. They are SD13, SD9, SS7#1 and SS7#2. They have a narcissistic bitch as a BM, and a fairly guilty dad even though we are CPs... but it's all good. Not that we all don't have our moments. And I most certainly will blog about those moments...
Yes, it's possible. I have a great relationship with my BD13's SM. In fact, she and I took my kids and hers out for the day yesterday and had dinner together. We get along really well because we're both mature and respectful of one another's position. She's not trying to take my place as Mom to my daughter and I'm not insecure about her being a mother figure in BD13's life. She doesn't go out of her way to wreck my life and I'm happy she's there for BD13.
On the other hand, I can't stand my SD8 and I detest BM. They've made it that way and it's not because of lack of trying no my part. I've spent the last 6 years trying to appease them both and it's just not possible because BM is a worthless piece of trash who will NEVER be able to let go of the past and move on with her life. She's going riding the crazy train and taking SD8 along with her, so we do not get along. DH can't even have a conversation with BM because she's more like a 10 year old child when she talks and it's just pointless to even TRY to get along with her.
I do think its possible and each party must work on the situation and be willing to put the child first. My ex and I get along great and his wife is very nice- they've only been married a couple of years and are long distant NCP. So DD18 isn't real close with her SM but she is respectful and is happy her dad is happy and is working on getting to know her.
On the other hand my DHs kids don't like our house. SD19 barely talks to me- we do an occassional conversation. We were a lot closer when she was youngerr when the teen years hit and she started the crap of you owe me...... That had a huge impact to our relationship. It was pretty hard to stomach a lawyer telling DH that we had to pay a @ercetage of college including dorm life even though we and her mother lived 20 min from school. And when I asked what do we do if we can't afford the dollars per month and he said sell your house. I was TICKED. And then we started opening emails from BM about DH not doing his share and was a lousy dad and didn't care about his kids it was all about money to us......I pretty much refuse to be in the same room with her and skids turned cold shoulder to DH.
However my mom was successful in her relationship with stepkids and they are still involved with her
The people who do not have these issues are not here on this site - this site is to vent and that is why there are so many stories of struggles on here!!
It also depends on how
It also depends on how emotionally stable all the parties are. I have tried for 15 years to get my DH ex to act "normal". I even stayed away from events for my DH kids in order to NOT be intrusive. After 7 years of marriage, I finally started to attend events that, as a step I should attend. After all my DH attends all events for my children.
The problem is my DH ex uses every opportunity involving her children as a time to spew crap at my DH or create "situations". Example: SD graduated last week. The EX has her brother take a photos saying " I want just OUR family in the photos" Always creating awkward situations. My husband pulled me into the picture....ha ha ha.
If we say we are not attending some stupid party of the EX and that we are going to have our own celebration, like a birthday for one of the kids, the EX uses our not attending HER party as "why don't you want to be around your kids" which is NOT the case, we love being around the kids just NOT the EX for reasons already stated, the EX uses any event where we are around her as an opportunity to belittle my husband or make hateful remarks.
If she behaved like an adult, maybe we could combine meals, celebrations but to allow the EX to make nasty remarks, belittle us etc is to be a door mat. Comes a time when you need to say enough!
The kids are now adults and they don't like being around their mom whom they consider a nut job.
You'd never know SHE was the one who cheated and wanted the divorce!
Only if you have a very
Only if you have a very mature bioMOM who TRULY puts the children's welfare FIRST (namely doesn't have the golden uterus complex http://www.shrink4men.com/2011/05/17/does-your-wife-or-ex-wife-have-a-go...) and a non-guilty disney bioDAD. Otherwise you're screwed.
Odds of BOTH of these conditions being met? Probably less than 1% of the divorced population.
I would NEVER EVER recommend being a stepmom to not even my worst enemy.
I have a good relationship
I have a good relationship with my SD4. I also have a good relationship with BM(most of the time) we've even had her over for dinner twice and she's had us over aswell. BUT it takes time to get to where we are and is only possible if Mum, dad and step parents are mature enough really. We were having a few issues over really stupid stuff so we invited BM over for dinner and had a big talk. I pretty much told her I wasn't trying to be SD's mum and she apologized for being jelous. We talked about co parenting and how we wanted to really have that as much as possible and she wanted that too. We promised to not bad mouth each other to anyone, especially SD. We also promised if there were any issues they were to be delt with straight away instead of either party keeping it in an becoming bitter about it. But we also realize that there would be different rules in each house. So for now while we all get along we try and meet up as a 'family' once a month. It probably will change in the future but for now in a weird way it works. We are most definatly not the 'norm' but for us it works. So there is hope that you can have a good relationship but completely depends on ALL parties... Including us the step.
I have great skids. They are
I have great skids. They are SD13, SD9, SS7#1 and SS7#2. They have a narcissistic bitch as a BM, and a fairly guilty dad even though we are CPs... but it's all good. Not that we all don't have our moments. And I most certainly will blog about those moments...
Yes, it's possible. I have a
Yes, it's possible. I have a great relationship with my BD13's SM. In fact, she and I took my kids and hers out for the day yesterday and had dinner together. We get along really well because we're both mature and respectful of one another's position. She's not trying to take my place as Mom to my daughter and I'm not insecure about her being a mother figure in BD13's life. She doesn't go out of her way to wreck my life and I'm happy she's there for BD13.
On the other hand, I can't stand my SD8 and I detest BM. They've made it that way and it's not because of lack of trying no my part. I've spent the last 6 years trying to appease them both and it's just not possible because BM is a worthless piece of trash who will NEVER be able to let go of the past and move on with her life. She's going riding the crazy train and taking SD8 along with her, so we do not get along. DH can't even have a conversation with BM because she's more like a 10 year old child when she talks and it's just pointless to even TRY to get along with her.
I do think its possible and
I do think its possible and each party must work on the situation and be willing to put the child first. My ex and I get along great and his wife is very nice- they've only been married a couple of years and are long distant NCP. So DD18 isn't real close with her SM but she is respectful and is happy her dad is happy and is working on getting to know her.
On the other hand my DHs kids don't like our house. SD19 barely talks to me- we do an occassional conversation. We were a lot closer when she was youngerr when the teen years hit and she started the crap of you owe me...... That had a huge impact to our relationship. It was pretty hard to stomach a lawyer telling DH that we had to pay a @ercetage of college including dorm life even though we and her mother lived 20 min from school. And when I asked what do we do if we can't afford the dollars per month and he said sell your house. I was TICKED. And then we started opening emails from BM about DH not doing his share and was a lousy dad and didn't care about his kids it was all about money to us......I pretty much refuse to be in the same room with her and skids turned cold shoulder to DH.
However my mom was successful in her relationship with stepkids and they are still involved with her
The people who do not have
The people who do not have these issues are not here on this site - this site is to vent and that is why there are so many stories of struggles on here!!