Um - I don't think you are the selfish one in this scenario.  If he wants to go out on a Saturday, he should send the child back to her mother's house for the night.

Set limits on all of this now, or he will just keep taking advantage of you.

What did you do when you were dating?  Surely you went out and did things when he was trying to land you.  Who watched the child then?  Well, they can watch the child now.  If not, he pulled a bait and switch and that is not OK.

It is NOT your responsibility to watch his child.  Especially when he didn’t ask you first.   Take from my experience and don’t start letting him guilt you into it now or you will be stuck all the time.   You are too young to give up your freedom and life for someone else’s kid.   You go do your own thing on your weekends and leave your bf to watch his own kid.  No way do you stay home and babysit while he goes out.  

If he want to go out on the weekend, how about you go with him.  He has to either take SD back to BM or hire a babysitter.  He does not go out alone and you’re the babysitter!!!  Maybe you should take a second look at this one sided relationship 

I agree with the other posters, it is not your child so no you should not be babysitting and you are right because his daughter is there to spend time with her Dad, not Dad's girlfriend. I can't believe he got upset with you. 

When I was 18 (I did not have a kid at that time) I dated a guy with a kid and he did that a couple times to me as well, I did not voice my concerns to him being 18 years old I was not very good about bring up issues that create conflict, instead I broke up with him and that was one of the reasons I did. 

Good for you for saying something and standing up for yourself, hopefully he comes to his senses and sees that you are right. 

I would be very unhappy and annoyed if my SO told me that I needed to watch his kids so he could go out, especially if it was last minute.  It is not unusual for me to watch his kids while he goes out fishing with his buddies at night, but I have never been *told* to do so.  He always asks, and if I say no, not another word is said about it and he doesn't go.  It makes such a big difference whether you're expected to do it or it is an appreciated favor you've granted. Your boyfriend is totally out of line to be upset over this.  This is HIS child and his responsibility.  To just assume that you'll be  free babysitter on short notice is very presumptuous.

I would raise this with him in the context of your disappointment that the two of you can never go out on weekends because his daughter is there.  Since you're already unhappy about that, of course it is unacceptable for him to expect you to babysit while HE goes out and does what he wants.  I'd get all of this out in the open before it becomes a much larger issue than it needs to be.

Wait, his kid comes over for her visitation with her dad, and he makes plans, expecting you to babysit his kid? He has some nerve.

Lord, he is lucky I am not his girlfriend! I mean, seriously, she is not your responsibility, AT ALL. To expect you to babysit his kid so that he can go out on a Saturday night? He definitely crossed a line.

And, you may not be the partner he needs because you are NOT the nanny.

I have been with my husband for 22 years, since his daughter was 5, and I have watched her once, for 4 hours (when he had to work on a Saturday morning). Four hours, that's it (and she was sleeping for two of those hours). He would never have "told" me to watch her so he that he could go out.

I'm pissed for you, just thinking about it!

What types of "going out events" does he need to attend without you?  I would NOT be babysitting my boyfriend's child while he was out "boy nighting".. at least not on any regular basis.  It sounds like you may have moved in though.. and that is where you have kind of lost your power.  When just dating and maintaining your own home, you can choose to go to his home when you want to see him.. and retreat home when he is busy (like most of the time while having custody of his child).

Unfortunately, I think a lot of women try to be overaccomodating.. almost "interviewing for the wife/mother role".. we are so helpful with everything.. cleaning.. helping with kids etc.. the guy kind of likes the help and then can kind of overstep.  There also are guys that unfortunately will get themselves a girlfriend to live in to take over all these "womens work" responsibilities so they can go off and be peter pan. 

This is probably a big reason why jumping into living together is not a great idea..especially if there are kids involved.  As it stands, I would absolutely inform him that while you don't mind helping.. his child is HIS primary responsibility and you are not up for "free babysitting" while he wants to hang with his bro's (or another woman.. possibly).  When he asks.. you say "Oh.. gosh.. I already have plans that night myself... sorry can't do it.  Then go out and meet your sister or friend for drinkds or something.

I would have my spidey sense up to see if you think he may just be using you to be his fill in mommy while he goes out and acts like a single guy with you at home holding the bag.

He is mad at YOU for not babysitting his kid so he can go out? Lol lol. I would love to be a fly on the wall when he is telling his tale of woe to others about how his gf wouldn't watch his kid when he made plans to go out. I can't imagine he is getting any sympathy out of this, because it's that ridiculous. In no world should he be mad at you, or have even put you in that situation to begin with.

We should introduce our boyfriends. I think they would get along swimmingly. I truly don't understand this mentality. It's not right for your boyfriend to expect you to watch his child while he goes out to see his buddies. He should hire a babysitter or ask you if you mind that is if you don't already have plans. He has some nerve honestly. Even my boyfriend has never asked me to watch his kids while he goes out with his friends and he will ask me to watch his kids while he works which I also think is absurd so I can't even imagine doing what you're doing. I would wonder if I was being cheated on while he was out with these alleged friends. What is wrong with these men that they think they should pawn their kids off on their girlfriends.... Or even wives WTF. Pay for childcare like every other human being. You don't get free nannying because you're a single dad. Too bad so sad. 

To the OP, you are not wrong for how you feel. It’s a good thing that you let your bf know now how you feel about this situation so that it does not become continuous. And like others have said, you should be making plans with your friends sometimes to go out on the weekends. If it were me, I would purposely make plans every weekend to show him that my life does not stop because his child is over for the weekend. You are not his wife (yet) so you shouldn’t allow him to put those responsibilities on you. 

From my experience, I can say that my husband has tried to put me in similar situation many times. Not so that he can go out but when he gets his daughter for a week during the holidays or summer break. He has asked me to take off from work to watch her. I’ve told him no because it’s not fair to me or his daughter. So he usually has to find someone else to watch her. 

So, your bf can be mad all he wants. You don’t want this to become a bigger issue in the future. 

Want to do the right thing, feel it’s not the kids fault, they did not asked to be born.  That there life should not be any less good because there parents split.  This is what you would do if they were your bios.  But then you also feel that you have a less of a relationship with SO, because you can’t do the thing they did with there EXs.  Weekend just the two of them at. A beach, ski resort, some island, in the city.  But you can’t do that because of the kids, exter money for a babysitter 48 hours at your home.  That $300, $400 right there. 

Then your SO telling you that these weekends were not that great,  like anybody is going to buy that,  anybody in that love fog knows everything is greatest . At this point in your relationship, he should want to be out with you on a Saturday night, not some guys.  That another major Red Flag, along with him trying to turn you into wife, mother, happy family.  With him doing no work. Red Flag.  Do you ask yourself are you just the cook, babysitter, cleaning person and someone to sleep with ?   What are you getting out of this ? Love fades fast when you are in third place 

OP, it's great that you found StepTalk. We don't sugar coat things here, are truthful about the pitfalls of becoming romantically involved with people who have kids, and share the realities that no one ever warns you about.

Lots of new members arrive here saying they're unsure of what they're feeling and experiencing. Many don't have kids and/or have never dated someone with kids before, and it's not like there's a template for how to blend. However three things you need in order to succeed in steplife are good boundaries, good communication, and a clear understanding of what your role is and isn't. Strong self worth is important, too.

We've all had instances where someone tried to take advantage of us. Well, steplife is much the same and you have to look out for yourself and your own needs. You have to be able to draw a boundary and say NO when there's f@ckery going on.

The basic framework for dating someone with kids is, they are responsible all care and support of their child. As women, we often find men just assume that we'll be thrilled to play Replacement Mommy and it's important to shut that down. The more we do the less they do, which causes resentment in both us and the skid(s). Your role is to be just a girlfriend. Not an au pair, because that's not your child, and you have zero obligation to him/her. Support your boyfriend in HIS role as a parent, and enjoy your own life. DO NOT MAKE SACRIFICES FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN. 

If this sounds harsh, it's not. It's FIRM, because a good relationship requires a firm foundation.  So require more of your boyfriend. He'll either take care of his stuff, or you'll know he's just looking for someone to dump his parenting responsibilities on and you can move on to someone who'll treat you with respect.

If he can’t put you first he is not the right guy for you.

Equity life partners have only one top priority.... each other/the relationship.

Nothing trumps you in this and if it does, flush this asshole who can’t find his parental balls.

Kids are the top relationship responsibility but never the priority over the relationship.

As equity life partners you are both also equity parents to any spawn in the home regardless of spawn biology.

So, quit being this guys beck and call girl and put your foot up his ass.  No more EWE visitation.  It immediately goes to EOWE ..... or..... call the locksmith to re-key the locks.  The XW/BM should not be the only adult in this situation with a life.

No NCP has to take visitation though if it is in a CO it is theirs to take.   Give this guy clarity or find another guy.

Take care of you.

He can either take his child back to moms or he can pay a sitter.... there is nothing wrong with that. It is rude for him to assume otherwise. Unless you offer I think it is inconsiderate of him to assume or ask. 

Also. I think that you should still have friends and live a life outside of this relationship... and not feel guilty for it.