you cant change the BM or how she behaves but you and your partner can have your own wonderful celebrations for the kids special events. It's hard to not feel so hurt when people are like this but she's the one withe problem not you.

Go ahead, plan something for you and your family/friends etc to do for all those milestone moments and try not to let this nasty woman's behaviour affect your happy relationship with these children whom you love dearly!!

I'm curious.....is the Dad going to the party? And you're not welcome??

Please tell me they are not doing a joint party. It absolutely is not the way to go.

You and your BF need to plan your own family events...You and your fskids celebrate all milestones together, birthdays, Christmas,etc. They are not longer a family unit.

Talk to your BF soon. It should not be this way. It also is confusing to the kids.

We have our own parties and events. If BM wants do to something (which all she does it takes them out to eat, not even a BD cake) she does her own thing.

It does not have to be this way nor should it be.

"I was trying to think of what was best for them to have their parents in the same room but it sounds like that sends the wrong message."

That really depends on the people involved.

DF and BM1 can have joint parties without creating any issues. SD14 lives with her mom and SD. She understands that both parents have moved on. BM1 and get along great.

DF and BM2 will never be able to have a joint party. SD6 and SD4 know that DF and I are a couple and that their mom dates. However, BM is bitter about our relationship.

There should not be any joint parties unless you are also invited. Period. If your BF is going and leaving you at home to attend a joint birthday party, it is 1) sending the wrong message 2) allowing BM to disrespect you 3) teaching the kids that it's ok to leave you out and that you are not a part of their father's life.

Some people can have joint parties, but everyone must be invited, including the new spouse. If not, then all the BM is trying to do is alienate you from the kids and make the kids think of only your BF and her as their family...not setting a good precedence for the future.

You need to nip this in the bud NOW! Either you attend or there are no joint parties. I can assure you that if the BM was remarried, she would NOT exclude her new husband from the joint party just because your DH didn't want to see him. There is no reason for the opposite to be true.

This just came up with us 2 months ago. BM thought that they should have a joint b-day party with my bf parents and sister and BM's parents and siblings, but I was not invited cause that's not her comfort level yet. He flat out said NO, not a chance in hell. He told BM that I'm part of his family now and that I would be at any family functions. He told her they are now 2 seperate families and we're working on our family and don't want her to have any involvement with what we do as a family.

She really feels after all her bullshit and continuing bullshit that they should do things as a family (the 3 of them). She's delussional. He sounds like a broken record sometimes the amount of times he's told her that he will NEVER celebrate anytype of event together.

Just 2 weeks ago she thought they should all celebrate Christmas together. He told her he'd rather celebrate christmas another week with his daughter then to ever spend more then 5 minutes in a room with her.

I think this is completely inappropriate, especially since you are not invited. If their father is serious about having you in his life he needs to either have a separate celebration in which you are involved or make sure you are welcome. Personally, I would never have a joint party with BM. For the skids birthdays, usually it is just DH and I and the kids, but we have presents, a cake and they get their favorite meals. They are no longer one big happy family and I agree in our situation it would send the wrong message to pretend that they are. Stand up for yourself! You deserve more.

This occured the first 2 years DH and I were togeather. Despite the Childrens requests that I be a their parties, BM told them that I didn't want to be there and told DH and I that he needed to attend but I wasn't welcome but her BF was.

DH did the right thing and made it clear to her that he wouldn't be attending w/o me. They are no longer a family and as the two of you live togeather now, for all purposes you are his family.

DH and I for the next several years either took the kids out for a special celebration on our time or if she hadn't thrown a party we did and she was not invited. Now, in just the last year we were both invited to the kids Birthday parties but only because DH and I had a son...who SS's and her family all wanted in attendance so we all had a joint party. She hid alone in the far corner of the yard crying for attention but it didn't seem to interfer with the kids fun.