BF is not 'all' bad but I have a vent......
BF is not all bad.... in fact, he's pretty amazing. He treats me like a princess (never been treated that way before!) He sticks up for me when necessary, he puts me first, he treats ALL of our kids pretty much the same, he even does the laundry!
BUT.....
I feel like I am always inadvertantly catching him in stupid little lies concerning bm.... for instance.... as I previously posted (a while back) bf for whatever reason decided to vent about our relationship issues to none other than BM! I found out about when I came across an email from bm where she mentioned the conversation they had.... BF is CONSTANTLY seeking contact with BM.... at least it appears that way to ME. I write the emails that he sends to her and/or her attorney (simply because I write better than he does). But I run everything through bf and make sure he's on board... then I forward a copy of the email on to him so he can read it from his phone. So yesterday I (on behalf of bf) wrote an email in which he agrees with BM's idea that ALL COMMUNICATION should take place via e-mail.... She referenced a text (within the last couple of days) that bf sent to her that was "off topic". I don't know what the text was about because bf must have deleted it.... he now claims that he doesn't know what she's talking about.... Then last night.... the very day that 'he' sent a text agreeing to communication taking place strictly via e-mail.... he texted her again!! Simply put... I don't trust him.... why would I? He's lied by omission in the recent past so what I am to think?
I am starting to wonder if bf's not over bm.... he seems obsessed with establishing contact with her.... she seems to want nothing to do with him but he's texting her and then withholding that info from me and deleting the texts?? WHY??
BF says I'm just tring to pick a fight....
Hmmmmmmm, perhaps he could
Hmmmmmmm, perhaps he could be doing it out of spite to you? Because so many restrictions have been placed on him that he feels kinda babied and this is his way of "acting out?"
The thing is, you can't control everything. You can't control anything actually, but yourself. How long have you guys been together? That makes a difference.
I'm sure they had methods of contact before you came along. Do you have an issue with trusting him?
I only speak this way to you because I was just like you. Stressing big time about the contact FH had with BM. And you know what? I made myself SICK over it. I used to even blog about it here at times. Then one day I stopped. Stopped complaining, talking about it, asking. And then he stopped. The calls, texts, etc.
I realized that the more I pushed, the more he pulled. When I stopped stressing, he stopped doing. I couldn't make him. And its better that way. At least I know that he stopped on his own will and not because I pressured him or "forced" him. And their conversations were never anything bad. Always about the kids, but little stuff that wasn't necessary to know.
You have to decide if this is worth your sanity. If HE is worth it. Good Luck
I went through a similar
I went through a similar situation in the first 9 months of dating my DH. I honestly don't think he was over his ex wife. I finally put my foot down and told him that they had thier chance to be friends and talk about everything and they decided they didn't want that, hence the divorce. I told him that if wanted to talk to her that way, I wouldn't stand in his way but I also wasn't going to stick around to feel like second best. There is no reason he should be talking to BM other than about the children. He definitely shouldn't be talking about your relationship. He needs to get himself together. I also want to bring up the point that most men try to turn it around when they feel guilty about something. "Your crazy, there's nothing going on", "Your trying to pick a fight". I wouldn't address the issue with him anymore, but I would start checking phone records and emails more often.
Wow.... Thanks ladies! I
Wow.... Thanks ladies! I appreciate the input.... Something you said giana....
"The thing is, you can't control everything. You can't control anything actually, but yourself."
This is something that I struggle with.... BIG time.... I know it's true... we've all heard the Serenity Prayer.... it's all common sense but at the same time it's so damn hard to swallow! Letting go.... so simple yet so difficult....
Oh, and bf and I have only been together for 6 months.