BF's Friends not a good influence on SS
Hello everyone,
I am hoping by putting this out there that someone will have some good insight into my problem, or maybe have had experience dealing with the same type of thing. Here it goes:
My amazing BF has had a trouble past but has gotten over it by the time I came into his life. The thing is these "friends" (he calls them acquaintences) still venture in and out of his life just because they grew up together and he "can't just ditch them". Now he has a son (age 5) that from the very beginning of his life has had these people trapse in and out of his life too and has personally witnessed drugs, smoking, drinking, swearing, etc. The "friends" are not always around but when they are,my BF has no problem bringing his son around that. He tells them to watch their language around me and not do the drugs and i appreciate that because I grew up around non-druggies and am uncomfortable with that sort of lifestyle. I get away when I can to not associate myself with them as much as i can. now i'm not trying to sound like I think i'm better than these people, but I do have standards and morals and to be honest I don't want to surround myself with these kinds of people. Now I know that my BF's son is his to parent and raise up but I'm concerned and worried about how this will affect him. I would want better for my own kids and surround them with likeminded people of good influence that will shape them to be better people. I'm not sure how to bring this up with my BF.
Directly.
Are you considering a future with this guy? If not I wouldn't get any more involved than you are now.
But I presume you are so here goes: When the decision to marry comes its time for a sit-down discussion with him. Tell him the relationship is at a point where you have to seriously consider if you want him to be the father of your children. Express your doubts strongly enough that he realizes that your kids are not going to be exposed to this stuff. Period.
Tell him that either they go or you go and now is a good time to start letting go of one or the other.
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Since no one else will thank you for what you may do I will do so now. Thank you for being important in a kids life. Fifty years from now its the only thing that will matter about your existance.
yes i am considering a
yes i am considering a future with him although he wants to get married pretty soon, I'm more content with how we are now. because obviously I still need things to settle down (custody, his friends, SS, etc) Theres also this other guy that he works with everyday (they are paired together) that drinks excessively, is arrogant, hates going home to his wife and kids, broke, etc. I feel like he wants to drag my BF down with him. I honestly don't know why he chooses these people to surround himself with. It definately scares me about our future together. I don't understand why he doesn't hang around normal, family people...
Yes his friend is.
His friend is trying to drag him into his world.
When a drunk or other abuser has fellow abusers doing the same thing it validates what they are doing. That's why so few alcoholics drink alone. They want to feel normal and be with normal people. Their brand of normal anyway.
Your bf insistance on hanging onto them tells me that he's not ready to let go either. Since you are in the "considering" stage of your relationship I think you should consider him out the door. I'm serious. Why fight him along with his friends and his lifestyle when there are thousands of good guys out there waiting to meet someone?
A million married women wish they could go back to the point in time you are at right now and decide differently. Don't join the crowd.
you are very wise because it
you are very wise because it is very true. but as with everything else it's hard to see the cold truth when I look at him through rose coloured glasses and everything looks peachy. thanks for the great advice. I am definately considering the options...