Bio mother ignoring communication/not returning children after visitation
Hi Im new and have a high conflict bio mother in the picture. My husband has full custody and she gets visitation. They are ordered to use a parenting site to communicate but the mom never reads the messages because she says "your wife is the one writing the messages and I won't talk to her when she won't even speak to me in person".
My husband has said multiple times it is him communicating, and it is court ordered, but she picks andchooses when she logs on and what messages she reads.
Our state only lets him and her go to court every two years to amend the divorce decree (I guess they have good reason) but this means when she find vauge language in their court order she exposes it and makes his life, my life and the kids lives hell for the better part of two years until we can get back into court to get it fixed.
This last hole in the parenting agreement is that it only specifically states she must bring the kids back at the end of her visitation if she is bringing them to school. It only implies that she provide transportation if school is not in session on the day her visitation ends at the time her visitation ends. This vauge language needs to be fixed. But becuase of state legal system my husband will have to wait until January 2016 to take her back to court.
Meanwhile he is trying to send messages using their court ordered means of communication to discuss this transportation issue and she will not even open the messages, not even log into the site.
So when this day comes this Monday morning at 9am, she is supposed to return the kids to our home. (Which she jas been doing since the court order was put in place). But just before she went radio dark she made it very clear that my husband needed to "clarify the vaugue language or she would assume he would be doing all driving".
Now how can he clarify if she won't log into the site or read the message?
Neither my husband nor I can go get the kids at the end of the bio mothers time, and she knows it. We both work. The only reason that visitation schedule was worked out between my husband and her was because she said she would drive and drop the kids off on those mornings. (We pick them up every other time when it is not a morning exchange).
So what can my husband do?
If 9am comes and the kids are not there?
The bio mother has not read the communication she asked for in clarifying language...
She is just so high conflict all the time. She finds these loop holes or vauge language and RUNS with them. She just wants to cause problems wherever she can find them and all we want to do is try to manage and minimize the backlash...
Please help.
Not until Jan 2016. He has to
Not until Jan 2016. He has to wait and compile all the evidence of breaking the court order over the past two years and bring it in together. That's what our state does to stop the revolving door of high conflict divorces. Unless the child is in danger there is no emergency court dates.
I think I might be. Maybe
I think I might be. Maybe I'll talk to my husband about speaking to his lawyer about contempt.
The court order does have
The court order does have some language saying "check daily to ensure timely receipt and response to communication" or something like that. It is our family wizard they use. And it send text messages to her phone every time there is an update on the site, so she is ignoring them to get control.
It is on him to check for loop holes but it seems like she is always finding new ones. He can't think of everything. She creates problems where there weren't any before.
How could any of us have known that this which has been working for years she would suddenly decide to rip a hole in?
He has a good lawyer, but damn no one can see EVERYTHING coming. Especially with her... I mean my husband and I would never sleep if all we did was think of ways she could possibly screw with us. We want to minimize problems.
She is in contempt of court.
She is in contempt of court. That is enough to go back and file against her. A lawyer can tell him that. I would do it every single time she doesn't follow it. Their are recourses available, you just have to use them. Never roll over to BM that is not playing fair.
File a contempt motion each
File a contempt motion each and every time she so much as twitches out of compliance with the CO. If she is one minute late bringing them home at the end of her visitation call the police. If they are not home by her next work day take the police to her office for a face to face.
Ruin her life. Own her idiot ass. Shred her in with her neighbors, boss and coworkers, church community, etc....
I would.
Contempt has nothing to do
Contempt has nothing to do with not going back to court every two years. We have two years as well in GA, but you can still go back to court for other things. Trust me, BM sued us to have full custody of SD and we had been in court a year earlier. If circumstances change you can back before as well. But contempt of the CO has nothing to do with that time limit. Call your lawyer.
What happens when she won't
What happens when she won't even log in to the site to see the subject headers... :?
Contempt.
Contempt.
I guess if I'm understanding
I guess if I'm understanding contempt right, she is in contempt by
1) not logging in and reading the messages when she knows she has one because the order states she must check daily
2) if she does not return them. The order states specifically her time is up at 9am. The only "implied part" is who should do the driving if the kids aren't in school. She knows my husband wants her to drop them off. (Said in previous messages) but she is notreading most recent messages clarifying transportation. But either way, her time ends at 9am. My husband and I both work and can't pick the kids up then. So if she doesn't drop them off at our house, the exchange won't happen. She will be keeping the kids past her parenting time.
Our CO clearly addressed
Our CO clearly addressed visitation transportation. Each party was responsible for getting the Skid to their location. The Sperm Clan paid to get him to them for visitaiton. We paid to get him home. When we were reasonable we split the round trip ticket with them. When they were not reasonable we made them buy a one way which was much more expensive for them. For us too but we did not give a crap if it was a PITA for them to deal with.
DH needs to put his foot up her ass firmly and keep it there.
"This last hole in the
"This last hole in the parenting agreement is that it only specifically states she must bring the kids back at the end of her visitation if she is bringing them to school. It only implies that she provide transportation if school is not in session on the day her visitation ends at the time her visitation ends."
It's a perfectly acceptable notation to have included...problem is she is a toxic HC BM that likes to play games. It's her responsibility to return the kids on the end of her visitation. It is including specifically she drop them off at school (so she does not say drop them off at your home at 5:30am, honk and drive off). It does not 'imply' that she may either just keep the kids and/or force Dad to come collect them if it is a non-school session day (that wording only exist in BM's game playing little head)
You didn't say how old the kids are. For example, if they are 5 and 6 and school is cancelled for a snow day, BM's time has ended, both you and Dad are at work...where is she to take the kids and/or who is tending them from her supposed drop off and either Dad's or yours return from work? Where do the children normally go during working days during the no-school summer vacation?
Whether that place is your home to a sitter that Dad has arranged for, daycare that is Dad's responsibility to have lined up or just your front door because they are old enough to stay home alone.
As you have a HC BM these are the examples your DH absolutely must think ahead on and predict are potential problem causers. If BM is going to play 'lets interpret the most basic language into something I would prefer it say so I can mess-up my ex *giggle-giggle*' , your DH has to go in with assuming the worse and being extremely specific when his opening to fix it comes up. Go over the whole CO. Take any older examples BM has toyed with, look at the others stipulations and pretty well figure it's a matter of time before BM starts picking those too. HC BM's leave no choice but to take a CO to extreme (with examples). think of things that perhaps haven't occurred to either side yet (for example, school sports and equipment. How is it discussed and paid for).
I know it's a PITA and shouldn't be necessary, however you got a 'special snowflake' for your BM, so that's what it calls for. And don't be afraid to pull out the 'you are in contempt' card when she starts with her crap. Nobody likes to spend money on lawyers and courts, but it might be worth the price of a consult with DH's lawyer so he can explain the contempt thing, and what and how to handle all the newest and next BM kicks and giggles attempted game.
They are all older than 10
They are all older than 10 but the oldest can't drive. So they can be left alone.
My husband's parents live a mile away and are retired. The kids have a trac phone that they can all out if there is emergencies or anything, but the oldest sometimes even babysits her cousin who is 3 in addition to her younger siblings.
Oh yes, the attorney nasty
Oh yes, the attorney nasty gram letter on firm letterhead. Works magic with the idiot opposition. The Sperm Clan would shit marshmallow bunnies when they would get those letters from our attorney. They would call in tears and whine and cry about how mean we were and they they were just (insert excuse here) ... wahhhhhhh! Our answer was always "Comply with the CO and we will not have any issues. Choose not to comply and we go to court. Your call."